The answer: a lot.
For those bold enough to ask or explore what is in my trousers, you will find I carry many choice items. I carry a lot, and I need pockets to do so. I dislike cargo shorts but I confess I like the number of pockets they provide. *
My other essential item is a pocket handkerchief, which is located on the opposite side of the global waist in the bow starboard pocket. I suspect some Spo-fans find the notion of a handkerchief unnecessary or perhaps disagreeable, preferring paper tissue. My sneeze-rags serve more than my allergies. In the Arizona heat it acts as a sweat towel. I am also the gentleman who feels naked without a handkerchief. If some maiden is in distress I am ready to whip it out to lend assistance. ***
Keys are carried out of necessity but I would prefer to leave them behind for they form a gibbosity, an unsightly lump in the front of my trousers. But where else are you going to put them? I try to keep as few keys on my key-ring for this very reason. I tend to misplace keys, often. My keys have something large or shiny attached to them for easy finding. Ron T. will be pleased to know on the keys to the Honda is the square plastic photo of Ron, Someone, and Urs Truly in Western wear.
I regularly take medicines and vitamins so there is usually some sort of pill box on my person. I have several reticules in various sizes, shapes, and colours. I use one or the other depending on how long I will be away from home. One is quite darling: it is trapezoid-shaped and has the Wicked Witch of the West on its cover. This is another gentlemanly endeavor: I have a few Motrin and a Tums with me lest someone (or Someone) has a headache or GERD.
Then there is the wretched cellphone. I like to think I am carrying it out of necessity viz. work lest there is a crisis and I am paged**** Otherwise I would love to leave this remora at home.
Keeping track of wallet, keys, phone, handkerchief, and pill box is a challenge: I am constantly forgetting one of these items. I remember from medical school lepers conduct something called a ‘VAS” (vital assessment survey) to see if they have been cut or wounded anywhere, as in their numbed state they may not feel a hurt. I do my own sort of VAS to make certain I haven’t dropped anything. After a day of running around I am amazed I still have a stitch on, as the saying goes.
I am indeed grateful for my pockets.
So, what have you got in your pockets?
* When I am wearing dress slacks or trousers bereft of adequate pocket capacity, I use a bum-bag. I’ve written about that before. During work days, everything is thrown into my briefcase rather.
** Someone does not carry a wallet; he uses a money clip for bills and he discards the coins.
***So far this has not happened, but on more than one occasion Someone needs one, and there it is!
****Like Big Brother, it is always on. Even when I sleep it is pillow-side waiting for a page.