You are currently browsing the monthly archive for March, 2007.
This weekend the Bears of the West is doing a charity fund raiser drag show. The show is titled ‘This Ain’t Going to be Pretty” which sums it up nicely. Ever see bears do drag? Big fellows, beards, hair and muscles – prancing around in dresses, wigs and boas and the largest pumps imaginable. Pretty outrageous stuff. I have not seen such tacky drag since the Wayne State University Medical Lampoon. The proceeds go to a local HIV clinic programme, Test Positive.
Some of the guys have a ‘flair’; some looked like they were ‘dragged into it” (pun intended) and look overwhelmed.
I fancied auditioning, having never done drag like that. However, I decided not to do so. I have no stage talent to ‘pull it off’. I also have a fear if I dressed up as Eartha Kitt and lip-synched “Champagne Taste’ she may possess me (it could happen!). So I will go with a fistful of dollars and be an active audience member. I hope they have some liquor; it helps a lot.
An elderly old woman discharged from hospital for delusions about people breaking into her house and moving her furniture around. (Actually, in her dementia, she moves things and doesn’t remember doing so). More interesting, she has been hoarding things for years. The family has thousands of dresses to discard. Scott – please come quickly!!
Speaking of fashion: I advised a paranoid, demented elderly lady with an unsteady gait (and doped up on meds) to abandon her bright red stiletto pumps in favor of flats. She is at risk for falls. Her response <”You just want the shoes yourself”
A drama queen who states the whole world is falling apart. He can’t get his decorator and the contractors to agree on construction details. In contrast to him, several people who have lost their jobs and will therefore loose their insurance, trying to get some last minute help (and medicines) before losing medical coverage.
More and more people keep moving to Arizona and need a local shrink. Most of these newcomers have ‘culture shock’ to move from New England or the
Midwest or the South. Ever move to a new region?
A woman with post partum depression who was told by her family it is a punishment for her sins. Can you imagine?
A ‘Squirrel’ came in. This is my nickname for a thin, older man with pressured speech who doesn’t shut up and can’t be directed or interrupted. They tend to bounce around the office a bit. Limits and structure are indicated – along with plenty of mood stabilizers.
A woman with a monkey phobia; just my luck she goes to the therapist who has a stuffed animal monkey in his office. I got paged to come calm her down.
A few young men with social anxiety. It is easy to spot these poor sods as they have that deer in the headlights look. They also have sweats, shakes, and don’t make eye contact. They look like they would jump out of their shoes if I said ‘boo!”
An older woman at wit’s end, as she spouse had a stroke. It didn’t affect his limbs but it changed his personality. Now he has quick mood changes/shouts and is chasing her around the house, accusing her of having affairs. They were the marriage counselors at their church until now.
A young woman who keeps having affairs at the office with the married men. I think the dimwit is on #3. She remains shocked and confused why these don’t work out. I got a note saying
Person A is never coming back as he thought I was awful. Five minutes later Person B told me I was the most helpful doctor they have ever encountered.
Earlier this week my WordPress counter passed 5,000. I started up with WordPress in early February, so 5K in 2 months seems impressive to me. I wonder about the people who dropped by accident or searched for something else only to find ‘me’. In my studies of Mythos, I was very much interested in the Fates. It is intriguing to see who the Fates will deliver next to Spo-Reflections.
Last weekend we drained the pool – 12,500 gallons down the drain. There is a outlet in the front of the house for such; a pump was rented; for 5 hours the pool slowly drained through 200 feet of hose. I was eager to get into the fresh water but the temperature was only 70 degrees and that’s too cold for me. Alas, last nights wind blew in a lot of tree crud, making the surface look like a swamp.
My 20 tomato plants are doing nicely. I have high hopes this year I get some Aker’s
West Virginia, an heirloom (so far) without success. My friend Doug (not of Gossemer Tapestry) gave me some seeds from
Germany; curious to see how these come out. Ever here of a tomato called “Hellmacht”?
I attended a supper party where a woman talked about her experiences with on line dating. What a concept! She conveyed she meets interesting sorts there. She is going to meet a physicist. I advised her to say ‘quantum theory of relativity’ a lot and he would be impressed.
Thank goodness for yoga and breathing exercises. By now I have trained myself well that when I start my routine or do a set of relaxation breaths I can clear my head and calm down a lot of body tensions very quickly.
It’s been some time since I got out my Pan Pipes. Now that it is warmer out I can go outside and practice. Indoors, my practicing makes the cat jumpy.
This electric toothbrush entered our household recently on the advice of the dentist. He has been suggesting it for some time. I was curious to give it a try. The first week was not easy; the quick vibrations made me giggle and I could not brush the back of the upper incisors without going into hysterics. You turn the vibrations on AFTER you insert it into your mouth (otherwise paste flies). I still work on giving up the ‘back and forth’ motion and let the damn machine do the work. Hard to give up 40 years practice. I think I have cleaner teeth for it; certainly I am spending more time at brushing. The soft, vibrating pulsing hummmmm of the device conjures up fantasies about where else this could be applied. My brushing jobs feels more ‘thorough’. So I am pleased. Have to keep the ‘heads’ apart or the brushes will be mixed up (yucko).
I rather like going to the dentist; it has never bothered me (in contrast my father still has a ‘phobia’ about going the dentist). As kids Claudia, the dental hygienist made the DDS office visits fun filled; we looked forward to them and seeing her. (Later Claudia would run off with the married dentist – scandalous!).
My present dental challenges are minor ones. I go very early before work, and often I want to fall asleep in the chair. I’ve had to set limits with the new hygienist. Bless’em they think I want the TV on (no) and to talk (no again). The only other issue at the dentist is he is constantly offering me things that I never thought I needed (a new cap for the chipped incisor, whitening of my choppers, etc.)
What I really want is a foot massage in that fancy chair but that is not going to happen.
A chum from New Zeeland sent this my way.
I seem to be the doldrums.
Every once in a while I stop and reflect on where and what I am doing, and this sometimes evokes feelings of depression. I spent 30 years in school. The goal was always to get to the next level. Now I have the degrees and a job. There are no more ‘next levels’ for me. My work is routine. My days are predictable in where I go/what I do and (more or less) what will happen that day. I know I am competent at what I do and that I am doing some good. Despite hazards, I have job security. It pays the bills.
Still, I am left with a sense of disappointment. Is “this” why I studied and worked so hard to achieve? March was an unpleasant month where I had to do the impossible for the ungrateful. Part of my job is listening to people by nature who are not easy to get along with, but the level of nastiness was higher than usual. I am tired. At various times of my life I fantasized about all sorts of curious careers. I envied but dared not stray from the professional path. I was not a brave boy. I figured it was safer to stick with school. So now I am at the end of that long, conservative path and I feel duped. I regret not having the courage to wander off the trail to do something bold and uncertain. At 44 I doubt I have the courage to re-invent myself. It is quite a leap to go from board certified physician to ‘student’. Yet a part of me wants to do just that - something new, completely different; something more meaningful for mel. All real advancements in life have a price and this would be a sticker shock; a mighty change in the economics and lifestyle.
Few people do what they like: a few more like what they do. The rest of us do what we have to do to pay the bills/keep going. Rather joyless but hey it gets us by. I am not sure where this is going. Usually I edit and think these my blog entries into something very polished. This one feels rough; but I hope it captures – in words – what I am finding hard to put into words.
Breathing is a body function that can be either unconscious or fully conscious. Thus, it is a way we can consciously influence and alter the autonomic nervous system. This is a means to boost the parasympathetic nervous system, which balances the sympathetic nervous system. Anxiety/stress/panic etc are coming from a too active sympathetic nervous system. Breathing exercises can be a means to treating anxiety, panic attacks, and agitated emotional states. It is available to all, and it is efficacious.
Whenever you are anxious, stressed or upset, check in on how you are breathing. Normally, we should breathe from the abdomen, not the chest, taking in slow deep regular quiet breaths. When anxious, we breathe rapid, shallow, breaths using the chest muscles, which is not only tiring but aggravates anxiety and chest tightness. We may not be able to stop our anxious thinking. But focusing on our breathing distracts us away from the matters in our head and corrects our breathing; both good things.
Exercise #1 – Conscious breathingThe simplest thing we can do to contain anxiety is to become conscious of how we are breathing and alter it. Breathe in through the nose; exhale out through the mouth. The key words are < slow, quiet, regular, and deep. Those are the 4 qualities you want. Also, in exhalation, try to force out more air at the end to prolong the exhalation stage. The ratio for inhalation/exhalation for most folks is 2:1; make it more 1:1
Exercise #2 - The Relaxing Breath
This is something you can train to do so when you are anxious or having a panic attack. The anxiety state can be turned down or off. It is done by inhaling through the nose, via the abdomen breathing, for 4 counts. Hold the breath for 7 counts. Exhale through the mouth for 8 counts. The ratio of 4:7:8 is important. Notice that exhalation is twice as long as inhalation. That means you will not want to exhale too much at once; exhale slowly over the 8 counts. Try doing this for 4 cycles, then relax/breathe normally.
Like training for a fun run or marathon, the relaxing breath doesn’t ‘pay off’ right away, but with daily practice, these can be used to thwart or stop an anxiety attack. I have my patients practice the ‘relaxing breath’ for 4 breathing cycles, two times a day for at least a month, before going to longer cycles – but no more than 8 cycles at a time.
I have practiced the Relaxing Breath for some time. If I get anxious or start to have a panic attack, it will quickly deflate the situation.
Most of the time I am careful what I eat. Every once in a while I go barking mad and have Ramen. Ramen is just plain nasty.
I was introduced to the evil noodles of death back in college. I marveled that it was hot, cheap, quick and filling. I remember my first bowl in the same way alcoholics remember their first drink. The problems of the noodles of death are legion.
The noodles are made with partially hydrogenated palm oil. The flavor packet’s main ingredient is salt; its 2nd ingredient is MSG. The rest are things I haven’t read since college chemistry class. I am certain they put something addictive in this stuff. Although the packaging says there is only 33% (!) of the RDA for sodium and 7g of fat per serving, the sneaks inform you there are TWO servings in a bag. Eating 2-3 bags at a time throughout my college days, small wonder I have hypertension.
There is a euphoria in the consumption and guilt after every bowl. I vow never to buy more. What does this sound like? Alas, there are no Ramen Anonymous sponsors. Well, they are the ultimate “this is gross but damn it tastes good” guilt food.
What’s your awful food craving?
THE HOUSE OF ENVY - from Metamorphoses by Ovid Now bellicose Minerva turned the fierce fire of her gave upon Aglauros, sighing so deeply that her breast was shaken beneath the aegis that defended it; for she realized that this was the same one who had gone against her orders and profaned her mysteries by peeking at Apollo's motherless child; and now this one would be a god's delight and pleasing to her sister, and rich with what her avarice demanded! She headed straight to Envy's squalid quarters, black with corruption, hidden deep within a sunless valley where no breezes blow, a sad and sluggish place, richly frigid, where cheerful fires die upon the heath and fog that never lifts embraces all. Arriving here, the warlike maiden stood before the house (for heaven's law denied her entrance) and with her spear tip rapped upon the doors, which instantly flew open, revealing Envy at her feast of snakes, a fitting meal for her corrupted nature; from such a sight, the goddess turned away. The object of her visit sluggishly arises from the ground where she'd been sitting, leaving behind her interrupted dinner of half-eaten reptiles. Stiffly she advances, and when she sees the beauty of the goddess and of her armour, she cannnot help but groan, and makes a face, and sighs a wretched sigh. Then she grows pale, and her body shrivels up. Her glance is sidewise and her teeth are black; her nipples drip with poisonous green bile, and venom from her dinner coats her tongue; she only smiles at sight of another's grief, nor does she know, disturbed by wakeful cares, the benefits of slumber; when she beholds another's joy, she falls into decay, and rips down only to be ripped apart, herself the punishment for being her. Although the goddess hated Envy, she addressed her nonetheless with these fierce words: "Infect one of the daughters of the Cecrops. That is the task. Aglauros is the one." With not another word, the goddess fled, placing the tip of her spear against the ground and using it to vault back up to heaven. Muttering sourly beneath her breath, she eyes the fleeing goddess with distrust, already saddened by Minerva's joy. She takes her staff, bristling with thorns, ands sets off in a mantle of black clouds, flicking the heads off flowers as she passes, blighting the grasses and destroying trees, her breath polluting houses, cities, states. At last she ses the city of the goddess; its wealth, its works, its joyous flourishing and peaceful temper all effect her so, she's scarcely able to prevent herself from weeping - for there's nothing here to weep for. Once in the chambers of Aglauros, Envy obeys her orders, touching in the girl's breast with her rust-stained hand and filling it with thorns; now Envy breathes her poison in the girl, and spreads her venom right into her bones, and so that she would have a cause for grief, draws her a picture of her sister's fortune, her blessed marriage to the handsome god, enlarging on it in imagination. Aglauros, maddened, feasts on on her own heart in secret wretchedness as anxious day succeeds each anxious night; groaning, she slowly wastes away, dissolving, just as ice does in the uncertain light of early spring.
I know people got worried when I reported sickness and weight loss from the trip to Costa Rica. I’ve been my usual self for some time; I now weight exactly where I was prior to the trip.
I took the car in for a scheduled maintenance tune up only to discover several things on the verge of collapse. Sort of like going to the doctor and hearing your arteries are near shut; a heart attack is nigh. The bill for all this clean up < $1500! Oh well, on the bright side, I have a tax return. An art purchase will have to wait :-(.
Recently many blogger buddies have sorrow in their lives. Several are struggling with depression, physical illnesses, financial strains, or whether to not to move. I want to reach out and give them all a hug/cash/a job/medicine etc. but obviously I can not. I try to leave supportive comments and let them know they are not alone.
I have a two dozen tomato plants growing; goodness knows where I will put them and if they will survive. Some gardeners tell me they have not had success with toms in Phoenix for that last 3-4 years. The pepper seeds are planted.
Seeds are like a promise.
Next month we visit Scott of Wisconsin. We will bring the ashes of Tiberius the Cat, who died last autumn some of you may recall. I got the cat from Scott’s family’s farm; it seemed the right place to spread his ashes.
In response to recent inquiries about the sun tea –
I get my tea at Distinctlytea.com. Mr. Barker is the wizard of tea who sends me my stash.
I ordered 3 100g bags of Yunnan Imperial. This is a Chinese “red’ tea (really black) that makes good sun tea – steeps all day without becoming bitter.
I got a request to write about other aspects of my job apart from the Jungian psychology.
As I write things for handouts for actual patients, perhaps you can give me feedback if this is helpful/confusing/too wordy etc.
The word ‘stress’ is in our daily lexicon thanks to Dr. Hans Selye. He took this word from physics to define the body’s nonspecific response to any demand. (he did a fine job ‘promoting his word’ as the word ‘stress’ is now used world wide. I asked a friend in
Japan what is the Japanese word for stress and he told me it is ‘stress”). Different kinds of stress (psychological, physical, physiological) can occur. The brain receives incoming signals through perceptual centres that feed into the final common pathway of a stress response. The “fight or flight’ response. (A side note, ‘fight or flight’ is a bit of a misnomer as the stress response was studied in men, and that is what men mostly do in response to stress. Another aspect of the stress response, seen more in women, is the ‘tend and befriend’ response; when stressed, some people care for or talk to each other.) Nervous systems, hormones, and the immune systems are all involved in the stress response. The later is important as chronic stress response (fancy name: allostatic load) causes the immune systems to go off. Common sense supports this; when we get stressed we are more prone to sickness. People with chronic conditions who are also stressed don’t fare as well. Modern science is returning to ancient teachings that emotions and health are one in the same.
Whether a person feels stressed or stimulated by a situation depends a great deal on the ratio of demand to control. High demand with high control has less stress than high demand with little control. The more out of control you feel; the more you perceive stress. I use the metaphor of a computer jamming from too much incoming data. What do we do when our computers freeze? We shut them down and reboot. I tell stressed out people not to feel guilty to ‘reboot’ by taking time off/ taking a break/getting help etc. when they are stressed.
We have a vital stress response; it can’t shut off. And we can’t eliminate all stress; bad things happen. The challenge is trying to eliminate what stress we can. Another important factor is changing our perception towards stress. People can learn to feel more in control of certain aspects of a stressful situation. When overwhelmed, break it down; prioritize, put a list together, do the parts you can do right now. No single stress reduction modality works for everyone (yoga, meditation, therapy, prayer, etc). So find what helps you, reduce what you can, and watch your reactions to stress. .
I can never make up my mind whether or not I am stupid. Mind! It takes some intelligence to get through medical school and grasp the nervous system etc., but this is counteracted by my inability to grasp tech matters. My 7 year old nephew seems to have more tech skills than I. To wit<
The Home Entertainment Centre“HAL” has 3 or 4 remote devices. We’ve had it/him almost a year and I still can’t figure out how to turn on the TV. I have to get help, or I simply go without.
WordPress. There are a bunch of bells and whistles I am scared to touch lest it blow up on me. Transferring my first year’s scribbles from Blogger hasn’t been successful either. On-line bill paying. Another area where I have to get help to set it up/do it for me. Downloading a podcastHello Waffles, DanNation, Jason, and other bloggers put out podcasts I wish to hear. But when I try to download them they disappear somewhere. Skype. A friend who lives in Japan asked me to get this computer telephone set up so we could talk ‘free’ via the computer. I’ve managed to loose the microphone as well.
Somebody send over a nice young lad with computer skills to hold my hand through all of this!
High blood pressure, heart disease, depression, and diabetes. All are serious illnesses that millions have as conditions. All are treatable. But they are not covered equally by health plans.Insurance plans have long singled out depression for lesser coverage. Benefits often come up short if you have this condition. There are higher cost-sharing, limits on the number of hospital days, and caps – all still common despite the mental health parity act of 1996. A decade later, the Senate consensus legislation could finally fill many loopholes left by that measure. Right now there is new mental health parity legislation in the Senate. It is the accumulation of a year or more of negotiations - with the traditional foes of insurers and business industry. Under this legislation, group health plans no longer would be able to charge higher deductibles, co-payments or other costs of mental health care. Substance abuse is included in the protections. I am trying to keep track of all the exemptions and details.
About 25% or more of Americans – that’s one in four – have a diagnosable mental disorder in any given year. That about 60 million people. . The stigma associated with mental illness and exacerbated by insurance coverage carries a huge toll. By putting mental health benefits more on par with other medical conditions, this Senate bill could help end some impediments and encourage people to seek medical care. I thought people may want to know.
Cayenne 
Fatali
Peach Habenero
Peruvian Purple 
Santa Fe Grande
Cyklon
T
This leprachaun followed me home from a trip around the internet.
1. Someone wants to go see the Body Works exhibit. Go early.
2. Pick out the tomato plants that look healthiest and transfer them bigger pots. While you’re at it, plant the pepper seeds.
3. Drain the hot tub and put in fresh water. this is done every 3 months at the solstices and equinoxes. Nothing like clean water to start off a season.
4. Nag ask Someone to clean the pool.
5. Speaking of Someone, He hosts a business dinner next Tuesday. There is little food in the house. Nag help Someone make a menu for a trip to Safeway.
6. Call your mother, Brother #2, and Mr. Sorted (to convey wellness wishes to Mr. Spider).
7. While you are calling people, call Take-away-Junk and clear out those white elephants in the garage.
8. Go to the gym!
9. Take some items out of the freezer to thaw. Mad Dog’s spaghetti pie was tasty; I wonder how it fared as frozen leftovers.
10. Call Zingerman’s and order proper peppercorns, olive oil, and other imperial tid-bits.
And
11. If it is hot enough, try making your first batch of Sun Tea (Absolut delish!)
The Anima is the archetype of the feminine spirit, which animates the soul.
This is one of the more “popular” Jungian archetypes, as it strikes a profound cord in the psyche.
C.G. Jung believed in an internal feminine element to balance the external/conscious male Persona(s). (and every woman has a counterpart in the male Animus). He wrote a lot about the Anima (after all he was a man).
“Every man carries within him the eternal image of the woman, not the image of this or that particular woman, but a definite feminine image. This image is fundamentally unconscious, an hereditary factor of primordial origin engraved in the living organic system of the man, an imprint or archetype of all the ancestral experiences of the female, a deposit, as it were, of all the impressions every made by woman. Since the image is unconscious, it is always projected upon the person of the beloved, and is one of the chief reasons for a passionate attraction or aversion.”
Jung kept altering and changing his thoughts on the Anima. Over time, the Anima was broadened to mean the Feminine in everyone’s psyche. Also, what he thought ‘feminine’ changed too with time/culture.
The Soul-Image of the Eternal Feminine is collective, but also influenced by one’s personal experiences with women, starting with one’s mother. Men see the Anima in the women around them. “What does he see in her?” sometimes is asked of a man mooning over a woman. Well, he sees the Anima that’s what.
Like all archetypes there are positive and negative elements to the Anima – an easy example is “Mother Nature” who can be nurturing and bounteous, or red in tooth and claw ‘It is not nice to fool Mother Nature!” Extremes in Anima virtue range from the Immaculate Ever Virgin Mother Mary to the Whore of Babylon.
Cher, Madonna, and other female entertainers capitalize on the Anima to create an image of attraction and adoration. We love them, but more than that, we love them for what they stand for.
Someone likes to joke when I listen to Enya I am “getting in touch with the sacred Feminine”. Well, that’s correct.
While it is vital for men’s psyches to be in touch with the Anima, both gay and straight men are initially dubious to do so. Straight men fear that this will ‘turn them gay’. Gay men fear that it might ‘explain’ why they are gay and support the notion their sexuality can be ‘cured’. No surprise, gay men are usually more in touch with the Anima via Diva worship, drag, and jokes and humor.
You go, girl!
From time to time I like to ask ‘real people’ what they experience when go to the doctor’s. Often I can’t get honest answers from my own patients. In general, patients want to be liked so their doctor will like them. That sometimes means they don’t convey problems or complaints or side effects to their usual doctor.
So, questions I would like to ask you:
How important is it for you to have a doctor who is
A- Your gender
B-Your sexual orientation
C-Your age bracket
and
D-Do you feel comfortable seeing a physician’s assistant or nurse practioner rather than the doctor?
I recently heard via a colleague that another colleague back in
Michigan died suddenly. Richard and his wife were on holiday, in
Hawaii. He wasn’t feeling well. He was taken to hospital and soon afterwards died. I don’t have many facts. Apparently he had some sort of aneurysm. Besides the usual emotions of shock, sadness, and grief of suddenly losing a friend, it touches on a few topics. His is the first death of somebody approximately my own age. And he did not die from an accident or from AIDS. He died of age related consequences. I have reached the age when people start “naturally” dying.It touches upon doubts of retirement. Richard and spouse were getting ready to retire; to scale down, get bikes and travel - all changed. A death makes one wonder about your own, and I am no exception. It makes me wonder “Will I live to see retirement?” I have high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and come from with some family history of coronary artery disease. Despite keeping trim, eating sensibly and trying to watch stress, I wonder how much I can outdo my genetics. About two days after hearing of Richard’s death, my broker advised me to put away a chunk of money towards retirement. Part of me wanted to say ‘Screw that nonsense! I won’t live to see it! I’m spending it now!” But I put the money away. As a doctor I hear thwarted retirement plans all the time; people with unexpected illness, deaths, misfortune, or other life circumstances deliver onto them a life quite different than what they hoped or dreamed.
It can be rather discouraging about making plans for the future. 
There is a resignation towards sudden change of fortune called “The plum stone” philosophy. It is nicknamed from a conversation in “I, Claudius”. A brother is anxious that his younger brother could somehow die and he would be alone: “What could happen to me?”
“You could die in battle, or cut yourself shaving”
“And you could choke to death on a plum stone. None of us is guaranteed a time. We live as well as we can.” (later, this brother is thrown from his horse and dies).
I am sorry to hear of Richard. I am sad for his widow. I will continue nevertheless to put away money; and watch for plum stones.
It is Sunday night; it is good to be home.We had a pleasant weekend.
The weather was spring like and felt lovely to be back ‘in season’. Back home it was in the upper 80s.
Happy Happy Joy Joy! I am getting a tax return large enough to buy some sort of art work. Someone and I are discussing a Southwest bronze sculpture we recently saw at the Heard Museum Native American Art Show.
I still may get the Transformation Mask, in a ‘layaway plan’. Both operas were splendid. My only disappointments were in “Dialogues’ the nuns stood in various positions on stage and fell down when the chop noise came. OK to do, but prior to falling they did some sort of Tai Chi like movement. In this very Catholic opera it was a bit odd to see nuns doing interpretive dance prior to execution. The only disappointment with “Cosi Fan Tutti’ was I was very tired and nodded off in Act II. Other than that the singing, staging and costumes were splendid. LOC does as good job. Thus ends another season at the Lyric; I think I have been going regularly since 1988.
We went out to Elgin, Illinois to visit Doug (of Gossamer Tapestry) his partner Leon (AKA the Wild One) and have lunch with Doug and Michael (who were the other fellows on our
Costa Rica trip). It felt just like
Costa Rica other than I was not sick and there was snow outside. I had the treat to take the train back into
Chicago. I like train rides. What luck: we went out to O’Hare early and caught a stand by flight, arriving home 5 hours earlier than expected. This gives me time to read up on my blog buddies. I really miss you all when I step away from the internet. So I look forward to reading and commenting prior to going to sleep.
I hope your week is a good enough one.
As they say in the Little Foxes “I am going to Chicago”.
We will stay at with our friend Robert. He is professor of architecture. He has a book out on the history of urban sprawl, titled “Sprawl”. He is well of four feet tall. We will dine with Doug of Gossemer Tapestry, who works down the street from Robert’s abode, in Lincoln Park.
I am looking forward to seeing Chicago. However, it is 80 degrees in Phoenix, and the notion of going to temps in the 40s with wind chills is a bit daunting.
Friday afternoon I meet with good Mr. Dunn, the account wizard, who does my taxes. He has been doing my taxes since the late 80s. In a world of change, it is nice to see him, in the same place every year. Sort of a perverse ‘annual holiday’; the tax preparation meeting. I hope for a king size-titanic-unsinkable Molly Brown tax return, so I can purchase the Transformation Mask.
Friday night we attend the Lyric Opera. It will be “Dialogues des Carmelites” by Poulenc. It is my favorite. Set in the French revolution, a scared young aristocratic girl named Blanche joins a Carmelite nunnery. She hopes to escape the fears of the world. But therein are more fears and death - and the revolution can’t be avoided. Another sister, Sr. Constance, befriends her and predicts that someday they will die together. Also, someone small will have a brave death.The opera’s finale is awesome. The nuns are condemned to execution for not renouncing their vows. Blanche has run off, and only
Constance has the belief she will return. As the mob cheers, the women ascend the guillotine one at a time, singing the Salve Regina. There is a chorus of ~ 20. With each loud chop of the blade the voices stop, one by one. The last to go is
Constance. She hesitates, turns back, and sees that Blanche has stepped through the mob to join her. They say nothing to each other but both are radiant.
Constance ascends and is executed. Blanche now joins her sisters, singing The Gloria Patri rather. It still moves me to tears.
WARNING TO MY FAMILY – THIS ENTRY IS NOT ONE YOU WANT TO READ. IT CONTAINS FAR MORE INFORMATION THAN YOU WOULD CARE TO KNOW!
I got this MEME/interview from The Other Andrew.
Have you ever had sex with the opposite sex?
No. I have not had that experience.
Who is the first person you came out to?
That would be my cousin Ann. Of all my cousins, she is the ‘closest’. And, she lives in San Francisco; so I figured she was a safe start. (It was).Are you out to your parents?
Yes, although in hindsight I should have done that a decade sooner than I did.
Do you want kids?
Yes, but now I am too old to handle such. I fulfill these longings by the nephews.Do you have more gay friends or straight friends?
The queers far out number the breeders.
Were you out in school?
No, I was not brave enough, not even in medical school. I came out in Residency.
Is your best friend the same sex as you?
Yes.
If your best friend is the same sex, have you ever kissed them?
Yes.
Have you ever been in a sling?
No, but it looks jolly good fun.
Have you ever done a 3-way?
Yes. The last trio was decades ago; I think in the mid 80s.
Have you ever dressed in drag?
A friend gave a ‘Come as Your Mother’ party, and I went as Elizabeth I. The skirt was so big I didn’t fit into a taxi. I had to walk to the party. On Halsted St. in Chicago this did not blink an eye.Would you ever date a drag queen?
While in drag? No. Someone who does drag? It would be OK.
Are you a top/bottom or truly versatile?
Versatile, but prefer top.Are you uncircumcised?
No.
Have you had sex with someone of a different race?
Yes.
Have you ever barebacked?
Heavens, not since the early 80s.
How many Cher CDs do you own?
Hohohoho. How this question got into this Meme I don’t know but I found it such as funny tangent I included it. Yes, I own one. (So don’t take away the pink card)Name your first true love?
His name was Charles, and it was a young love. It did not lead to anything.
Do you still talk to them?
We still remember each other’s birthdays. We either call or send an email greeting with some updates. I have not seen him in years.Does size matter?
In all truth no. What matters is the zest and zeal of the man connected to it.
Biggest turn on?
Trying new things and/or some ‘spice’.
Biggest turn off?
Directions and too many limitations. “Now do this, now do that, no not that do this.”
Ever been harassed because you are gay?
I’ve been the subject of verbal nastiness, and one job discrimination; never an assault
Worst gay stereotype that applies to you?
I suppose I qualify as an OPERA QUEEN
Ever been to a pride rally?
Yes. Last year we were volunteers at one.
Would you marry if you could?
Yes; Someone and I are talking about such an event.
Do you enjoy leather, costumes or role playing?
Yes to it all.
Do you trim your body hair?
Heavens no! I love the bear look.
Ever had sex with more than one person in a day?
I remember back in the salad days of the 80s I had 4 encounters in a day. Ah, youth!
Ever been to an orgy?
I recall a few, but again these were over 20 years ago.
Have you dated your best friends ex?
No.
Do you want monogamy in your relationship?
I want a mutually agreed upon level of monogamy. We are monogamous now but we talk about opening it up on a mutually agreed upon level.
Do you believe in true love?
Yes.
Do you have any tattoos?
No. The notions of something permanent and ‘what will it look like at 60?” but nix this idea.
Do you have any piercings?
No again.
Would you date a smoker?
Been there, done that. Never again.
Do you know anyone who has died from HIV?
Many; both friends and patients.
Strangest place you have had sex?
I can’t remember, so it must not have been very strange.
Strangest place you’ve woken up?
I included the question for others to use, but I have not woken up ever like this.
Favorite porn movie?
I like the Bear movies.
Ever been in love with a straight guy/girl?
Oh yes, I have had a few of these no win crushes but happily not for many, many years.Did you ever have sex with them?
No.Have you ever been to a nude beach?
Yes, several times.
Have you ever been to a bath house?
No. And I lived across the street from one when I lived in Chicago.Ever had sex in public?
Yes, but again, not in a long, long while that I don’t remember it. The notion shocks Someone who is fearful we will be arrested.
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Brother #2 has purchased a haunted house.
Apparently the real estate agent brought this up early, either as a warning or as intrigue. The story of the house is a previous owner and his wife lived there until she went bezerk and shot him in the garage. She was whisked to the local State Hospital but later came home where she had some sort of mysterious death. It seems both of them are still lurking about.
When my brother got the original blue prints he noticed a faint outline of a person penciled into the garage.
My nephews are thrilled. They can’t wait to move in and chase ghosts. It conjures up images of Oscar Wilde’s “The Canterbury Ghost”.
My brother is a physician and this murdered man was a physician too. This morbid parallel makes for some grim humor. Brother #2 recast his family to play ‘The Shining” using the youngest nephew to say the “red rum” part and the older nephew to chase through the woods. Yes, it is in a wooded secluded place.
When I bought an old house in Chicago, I hoped it was haunted; it certainly had all the right elements; a previous owner was a paranoid man who died falling down the basement steps. But alas, no signs of a ghost. Only one spooky event occurred while I lived there. I woke one time to a loud crash. I figured someone was smashing into the house or something large had dropped. Running down stairs, I found nothing out of place. Later on when a pagan chum came to ‘cleanse’ the house he thought there was some negative energy in the attic but that was all. I was rather disappointed. A year later, when he did a ‘follow up’ he found nothing.
So I will have to rely on Brother #2 for bumps in the night.
Just as long as the house doesn’t whisper “Get out!”
Tonight I have dinner with the Boss-Man. My spider senses are tingling; I suspect he is up to something. I need to go over some business matters such as health care coverage, IRA and getting my printer replaced.
It will be an ‘opera marathon’ for us at the end of the week. Thursday night the Arizona Opera is doing “Beauty and the Beast”. Friday morning we fly to Chicago to attend the Lyric Opera’s production of “Cosi fan tutti’ and “Dialogues of the Carmelites”. It is going to be a busy week, and I fear we will get to these events and promptly fall asleep. 
That would be a disappointment. I’ve waited a year to hear these operas and I don’t want to sleep through them. I may have to drink some coffee for medicinal purposes.
While in Chicago I have a ‘hot date’ with the accountant. If I have a tax return I hope to purchase the mask in the ‘Twist My Arm’ entry. My tomato seedlings are doing OK. None of my hot pepper seeds germinated. So I purchased new ones. 8 types, in various colours and heat intensity. Health Update; I am over the Costa Rica bug; down several pounds but feeling hungry, eating right, no more retching etc. Last weekend I came down with a cold. I haven’t had a cold in years. It doesn’t seem fair. Still, I will takes nasal congestion, sore throat and body aches to GI upset any day. It is getting warmer here in Phoenix. Highs reach the lower 80s and we can open some of the windows for a short while. It feels good to get some of the stale inside air out and some relatively fresher air in.
I seem to generate 3x as much laundry as Someone, yet he has 3x as much clothes.
This is a photograph of the folks who went to Costa Rica.
There is Michael, whom we called the Other Michael (or was I the other Michael?). Next to him is Leon AKA the Wild One, and his partner Doug. Doug you know from Gossemer Tapestry. Next to him is Someone. Then there is John, Michael’s partner.
Urs Truly is squatting in front, wearing a T Shirt from Alaska of all things.
We are sporting Staffs of Power. It gives me confidence.
Yesterday I joined my Bears Club to do our adopt a highway clean up. Bears of the West has a stretch of I-10 going West (north) from Tucson to
Phoenix. It is 15 miles out of town. Someone and I joined the others in donning bright orange vests. We picked up a lot of trash.
Here is a sample of our labors:
A very nice pair of scissors, which I took home. A fabulous little red purse (also taken home).
Several Aquafina and Gatorade bottles, filled with yellow liquids. Countless tire bits and strips.
A few whole tires. An animal carcass, quite desiccated. We thought it was a dog but that was too depressing so we concluded it was a coyote rather.
All the fast food containers found were McDonald’s. And Countless aluminum cans (mostly beer cans) and plastic bottles.
The last item burns my bacon. This would not occur back in Michigan where there is a deposit on cans. Discarded cans are collected for cash. Only 11% of all plastic and aluminum containers actually get recycled. The rest end up in land fills. What a disgrace. I try to recycle everything I can. I am going to write the governor to encourage getting a deposit on aluminum and plastic bottles.
Around six years old the penny dropped and I knew I was out of synch with the rest of the world. In psychology there is a ‘rule’ that going to a higher level of consciousness evokes the price of exclusion from others; and this revelation was no exception. Some wicked fairy swooped in, tapped me on the head, and said “You’re out!”. And so it remained. From grade to medical school I was never ‘in’, or with a group, or the magnet of attention. Like a lot of introverted queer boys, I compensated with a rich fantasy life, threw myself into studies, and settled on a few friends who had similar temperaments. Well, that was 40 years ago and I still haven’t gotten ‘in’ with any group. If there is an “A” list for boys of Phoenix I am not aware of it. Of course, nowadays I don’t really want or need such, but there remains an intrigue as to what is it like to be popular person. Blogging has given me a taste of being more social and even a bit popular. It is a novel experience for me. I consciously started writing for myself, yet over time people not only read my mawkish tappings but they actually come back. My attempts at humor, deep thoughts, and an occasional bad photograph are interesting? Wow. I am touched and honored.
It creates in me a temptation to try to be interesting. If people are reading my scribbles I should at least put out something worthwhile or attractive. “What should I write for others?” says some complex within me. But what I was doing apparently is deemed worthwhile. So no need to alter anything.
Being liked for who you are and not what you do or act – what a concept, no? So no face lift/radical changes here at Spo-Reflections. I yam what I yam. And that seems OK enough for a handful of others. Now, where were you all when I was six years old? 
Peotry I found this poem the other day; I thought it amusing
Spo fans know that I drink tea, and am dubious of nasty coffee.
“A New Lifestyle” by James Tate 
People in this town drink too much
coffee. They’re jumpy all the time. You
see them drinking out of their big plastic
mugs while they’re driving. They cut in
front of you, they steal your parking
places.
Teenagers in the cemeteries knocking
over
tombstones are slurping café au lait.
Recycling men hanging onto their trucks
are
sipping espresso. Dogcatchers running
down
the street with their nets are savoring
their cups of mocha java. The holdup man
Entering a convenience store first pours
himself a nice warm cup of coffee. Down
the funeral parlor driveway a boy on a
Skateboard is spilling his. They’re so
serious about their coffee, it’s all they
think about, nothing else matters.
Everyone’s wide awake but looks incredibly
tired.
I am continuing my ‘Jung 101” series. There is positive feedback to do so but mainly I want to keep my training and concepts ‘fresh’ in my mind and writing them out is helpful.
The Ego is the rationale part of the Psyche, but it doesn’t deal with others in a direct way.
It uses something called the Persona in its social intercourse with the world and others.
Persona comes from Latin for masks used in theatre, and it means just that; the ‘mask’ or presentation we put on when we interact with others. It negotiates with the outer world on the Ego’s behalf.
This Archetype is conditioned by a lot of factors, including culture, class, social structure and nationality. We often have several Personas to use to suit different situations. For example, at work I have the persona of ‘the doctor’ or ‘the shrink’, but it is not all of who I am. I put it down at the end of the day.
Psychic health – and equilibrium – depend on a well adapted Persona.
Blogging has an element of Persona. Here I present an aspect of my Self. I hope what I present is genuine. But it is not all of my Self. There are some areas I choose not to put on line.
As is true with all Archetypes, Persona has a negative aspect to it. There is danger of ill health when a person identifies too much or totally with the Persona. This ‘nothing else’ state of being leads to a one-sided, rigid personality. We’ve all seen these sorts; people who are ‘just their job’ or come across as ‘one thing only’. I see this a lot in medicine; people who are doctors and only a doctor. They can’t imagine doing or being anything but ‘the doctor’. Good for the patients when they see them, but how about their families?
Persona-taking-over-as-Ego often leads to a feeling of ‘emptiness inside’. There is a sense one is being a sham. It makes sense; if you are out of touch with your Self you feel not genuine.
If misfortune should break the Persona, there is nothing left on which to fall back.
I sometimes see this in patients. Men tend to get more readily entrapped into the Work Persona = All I am. Women who work outside the house usually know they are more than their job. Women are more apt to be entrapped by a domestic role Persona. If she sees herself as only the mother or the wife etc. and circumstance remove that role, they feel lost/not themselves.
So it is good to remind yourself in any function or job that “this is part of, but not ultimately who I am”.