Around six years old the penny dropped and I knew I was out of synch with the rest of the world. In psychology there is a ‘rule’ that going to a higher level of consciousness evokes the price of exclusion from others; and this revelation was no exception. Some wicked fairy swooped in, tapped me on the head, and said “You’re out!”. And so it remained. From grade to medical school I was never ‘in’, or with a group, or the magnet of attention. Like a lot of introverted queer boys, I compensated with a rich fantasy life, threw myself into studies, and settled on a few friends who had similar temperaments. Well, that was 40 years ago and I still haven’t gotten ‘in’ with any group. If there is an “A” list for boys of Phoenix I am not aware of it. Of course, nowadays I don’t really want or need such, but there remains an intrigue as to what is it like to be popular person. Blogging has given me a taste of being more social and even a bit popular. It is a novel experience for me. I consciously started writing for myself, yet over time people not only read my mawkish tappings but they actually come back. My attempts at humor, deep thoughts, and an occasional bad photograph are interesting? Wow. I am touched and honored.
It creates in me a temptation to try to be interesting. If people are reading my scribbles I should at least put out something worthwhile or attractive. “What should I write for others?” says some complex within me. But what I was doing apparently is deemed worthwhile. So no need to alter anything.
Being liked for who you are and not what you do or act – what a concept, no? So no face lift/radical changes here at Spo-Reflections. I yam what I yam. And that seems OK enough for a handful of others. Now, where were you all when I was six years old? 
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March 3, 2007 at 2:17 PM
Lemuel
We were wondering the same thing about you! LOL! Where were YOU when we were six.
(Ok. Ok. I know when *I* was six you were not yet a gleam in your parent’s eye, but you know what I mean.
)
I find that my blogging Family is much like my Bear Family – accepting me much as I am, warts and all.
March 3, 2007 at 2:19 PM
Smiley
Keep on keeping it real. It’s why you’re on my blogroll
Around 40 years ago I would’ve been starting high school.
March 3, 2007 at 4:36 PM
Cameron
Since the age of five (when I first started going to school and socializing for the first time with my peers) viewed my uniqueness, my strangeness, my “not-fitting-in” as both a blessing and a curse.
But it’s definitely more of a BLESSING as I get older.
We need to celebrate our uniqueness more, I think. Especially when those occasional desires of wanting to “fit in” bubble to the surface.
After all, being around “normal” people is not very exciting or rewarding (for me, anyway). it’s boring.
My partner James and I don’t have any “normal” friends. Hmmmm…..
March 3, 2007 at 4:55 PM
Maggie
Spo, I couldn’t have said it better if I tried.
“Being liked for who you are and not what you do or act”.
You were shy and no one took the time to know the real you it seems. I think that in grade school, jocks are intimidated by intelligence.
That ole brawn vs brain thingy.
Now it’s their loss and our gain.
What I do know, is that it is a true pleasure to have you in my life even if it’s only via blogging.
PS I do like the font change though.
March 3, 2007 at 6:12 PM
tigeryogi
Had you grown up in Easthampton, MA., we would have been BFF!
Urspo – bless you !
March 3, 2007 at 8:26 PM
Daniel
Now, where were you all when I was six years old?
I was in the men’s dressing room of the public swimming pool not even trying to avoid staring at the slightly older boys.
March 3, 2007 at 9:08 PM
Tony
SPO…I have to agree with Josh. I think we often are from the same mold. We just try to keep it real by being ourselves, even if we are the odd one out in some areas.
As for where was I when you were 6, why of course I was already desparately seeking Jack Radcliffe. My loins were oh so young and tender. LMAO!!! No actually I was halfway across the US from you (assuming you were in Michigan).
March 4, 2007 at 1:56 AM
Maddog
I think there are a lot of us out there searching for a place to fit in. I’d like to think as I get older that it matters less and less, but sometimes I know that’s not true. I do think I’ve found a group of people that I fit in with, here in the blogworld. I’d like to think they like me for who I am and not who I pretend to be.
March 4, 2007 at 3:13 AM
dmmgmfm
Now, where were you all when I was six years old?
I was 12 years old. That summer, my brother and I flew to visit my aunt and uncle in Denver. They were very conservative mormons and very uptight about everything. Their youngest daughter had a lisp and she kept saying “Can I shit on your lap”. I couldn’t stop laughing hysterically and my aunt and uncle did not approve. I encouraged her to say it over and over. I liked to challenge authority and that hasn’t changed…
By the way Spo…you are one of the popular kids on the block now, so get used to it!
March 4, 2007 at 12:03 PM
Joel
Like you I was introverted, but I didn’t throw myself into my studies. I just turned within. I feel like a lot of my life was spent on idle, day dreaming, imagining, hoping.
Where was I at six?
I was already in grade 2. Not that I skipped a year or was more intelligent than others, it’s just because of when in the year I was born. I sometimes think I was just a tad to young all through my academic years.
Being the odd kid out was hard and very isolating for me.
I think that’s why I’m not a one track mind kind of guy. I do feel more open because of it. But I feel it cost me so much…in every way.
March 4, 2007 at 3:06 PM
foxystone
I have learned over the years that frienships should be measured by the quality not the quantity. I come and visit you because how your personality shines through. It is tempting to write for the masses, but then is it really you they see? And on a side note.. i like the new font. Much easier to read.
March 4, 2007 at 3:13 PM
mikeyx121
And what I yam needs no excuses!!!
I was one of those kids that were cowering in the corner of the playground, hoping that this was not my day to get beat up. That changed after about grade 9 thankfully. I was not popular by no means, but I grew taller than the rest so they focused on the smaller weaker kids.
You are a popular blogger and I am glad to be part of your crowd
March 4, 2007 at 3:53 PM
Jason
I wasn’t a twinkle in my parents eye yet when you were 6. lol.
Well the one thing I love most about your blog, is that it is you! You’re very interesting and glad I found you through blogging. I really like your dry sense of humor as well.
I don’t think there is an “in” crowd here in Phoenix’s gay scene. Just drama, drama, drama!!
Urspo – stinko I am missing out on that as well!
March 4, 2007 at 11:07 PM
BID
I was not alive. Easy as pie there.
I on the other hand, I am glad to know you! *whispering* You are one of my favorite blogger friends!
March 6, 2007 at 2:49 AM
Spider
You have always been “A” list with me Spo!
March 7, 2007 at 1:46 PM
Doug
One of the wonders of the internet: connecting people who wouldn’t have otherwise connected. I find your “tappings” funny, inspirational, and uplifting. When you’re sick or down, I wish you only the best and send positive thoughts your way.
Had we met when I was six, you would have been my big brother, I suspect.