Monthly Archive

I have the flu, and it won’t shake.

I have the usual symptoms – congested head and lungs, hacking cough, malaise/aches and guilt. Mercifully there are no GI symptoms. I loathe throwing up. 

Like a fool, I continue to go to work – when you are a doctor, calling in sick means the receptionist has to call over 2 dozen people to inform them their appointment is canceled – some of them have been waiting over a month to come in. And they would be told there is no appointment until 8 weeks from now. She’ll get the grunt of their wrath.

So doctors stupidly don’t follow their own recommendations to stay home/get sleep don’t work etc. 

Patients tend to be not so needy when their doctor looks visibly ill.  

At home I am getting in touch with my inner-Tina. In the movie “Diary of a Mad Housewife” Tina is going bats as she has a household of problems but the worse is her sick spouse. He is needy and continually calls (in a whiny voice) “Tina! Teena ! Teeeeeeeena!” for her to nurse him.  

Allegedly the stronger sex, men make horrible patients.  

I don’t think antibiotics are indicated; I am taking some cough medication and NSAIDs. They seem to help – temporarily.  

I have no desire to eat or drink so I suspect I will loose some weight in this, as is my wont. 

Gatorade is the official drink for sick Spos.  

So far this week hasn’t been any good. I came back from my holiday to develop flu or pneumonia; I am tired of hacking and my chest hurts. 

Last night I kept waking up ‘drowning’ in fluids in the lungs. How bizarre is this – last night Mama Cass’ “Dream a little dream of me” kept going through my mind.  Putting these two together = she is haunting me and wants me to join her…… 

I also have a bad heat rash on my chest, and a lip with cold sores.  I feel leprous.  

Work is ticklish – not only is the clinic trying to deal with one less doctor, some of the billing and receptionist staff simply stopped coming in. So a skeleton crew is trying to deal with the deluge of telephone calls and Rx requests etc.

There are other matters at work too, but for safety’s sake I won’t talk about them here. They are upsetting though; they effect my sleep. 

Listening to NPR I hear about a fungus that will probably kill off over 90% of the New England bat population. I found this really depressing. They join the frogs and the bees in massive die offs.  Apparently I made some major errors in my 2007 taxes; so I am going from a tax return to OWING taxes. So much for my savings.

Meanwhile, stocks and my savings drop and drop…… 

No fun in this.   

When my grandmother was a girl she took a cruise with her sisters. On the return cruise they gained enough weight to no longer fit in their dresses. The ship’s seamstress had to let out their gowns.  

I recalled this story last week on my recent cruise; there is too much food at sea.

There is nearly 24 hours access to food on a cruise. When the dining room is closed, there is some open buffet where you can get nearly anything. And there is always room service. At dinner, there are four courses (appetizer, soup, dinner and dessert) – and you can have two of each thing of you like. People often got did this.  I would love someone to explain to me the excitement over ‘midnight buffet’. This extravagant phenomenon happens ~ 2-4 hours after a full dinner. What puzzles me is people come early to photograph the food – there is a long line just to take pictures!  Small wonder people gain weight on a cruise.

Along with no limits on food, no one seems to have much willpower to stop eating. Perhaps there is an unspoken thought that the price of a cruise includes the food – so get your money’s worth.  

And the average cruise-goer doesn’t have ‘room to grow’. I have never seen so many overweight people as on a cruise. The men seem worse but that may be simply because I was checking them out more closely. Everybody looks short of a heart attack. No ‘eye candy’ on a cruise but there is inspiration to stay with the personal trainer!  

I took the opposite approach – I ate ‘better’, not worse, as fresh fruit and vegetables were so available. I like oatmeal; on board I had it every morning.   At night I mostly ate the vegetarian alternative dinner.  Mercifully, alcohol is ‘extra’ so you have to pay for any booze. And I was too cheap to imbibe too much.  
 

Between active days and prudent eating I lost a few pounds. How many others could say that?  

My first attempt at writing a fairy tale was deemed a success. Here is another one.

Lord-Great-Jaguar-Paw ruled a kingdom so old and ancient the homes and palaces were heated with rocks still cooling down. Lord-Great-Jaguar-Paw was king as his name was voted “Most butch”. 

Lord-Great-Jaguar-Paw (known to his mother as Kitten) lorded over a very large province and a large family. His children were a source of great joy – and a puzzlement - for surely, he had ED. Yet every year Queen-Sheila-Badger-Breath put out another child. 

“Goodness knows where she gets them!” he would cry out.  

Some of his children were a worry. His oldest was a charming boy who liked nothing better than to make paper airplanes and race cars out of pinewood. Since neither of these means of transport would be invented for 3000 years, no one understood what the hell they were for.  

The next son was a merry lad who liked nothing more than to arrange flowers and design next year’s robes for the high priests. He also choreographed the slaves who danced at state banquets.

”He will make some woman a good husband’ LGJP would say to with satisfaction.  

The third son had the unfortunate name of Evelyn. Apparently no one looked too closely when he was born, and by the time of his baptism, it was too late. 

In a month that had two Mondays in the same week, Evelyn fell sick. He was speaking in tongues nonstop. At first it was assumed he was having blessings from the gods; people came from afar to hear his words. But soon it became apparent Evelyn was as crazy as a shi-t house rat.  

LGJP called for Fabulous-Spo-Hugger-of-Bears, M.D. to practice his craft. FSHB realized if he was discovered for the great physician he was, he would never be released from service. Besides, he had theatre tickets that evening. He denied who he was. But with threats to cut off his tea supply, he changed his mind.

He performed his shaman dancing and sang prayers. He injected Thorazine. Lo!  Evelyn was better and FSHB’s worse fears were realized: he was appointed court shrink to LGJP.  

He became famous for his healing. A little blue diamond shaped pill from the far off kingdom of Pfizer cured LGJP of his personal problem, much to the chagrin of his wife.

He cured the queen of depression. He chose not to use the old Sumerian recipe of smashed pearls, cobra venom and mare’s blood (a remedy that killed as swift as any knife to the side). Rather, he administered a little green and white pill. Her relief was great but she was no longer interested in sex, let alone with Jaguar.  

So LGJP took a new wife and soon there were another troop of kiddies banging into the palace furniture. 

To everyone’s surprise, Sheila did not hate the new queen. 

The moral of this legend?  People are incalculable.

I am back from my holiday in the Caribbean.  It was a lovely time.

I missed blogging. I hope to ‘stop by’ this evening and get up to date on everyone’s lives.I am rather tired; there is unpacking to do….. 

So here are the highlights of my trip – 

We had a malfunction of our camera so we have absolutely no pictures! We relied on DougT of Gossamer Tapestry so please visit his blog for some photos. In between the bugs and the birds you may see photos of us. Later, when he sends me some via email, I can post a few.  

First of all I want to clarify there were no bright blue tarantulas Rodger, so go suck your lemons.  
Second, nobody pushed anybody into a volcano or off a cliff etc.   

It was a very active trip – what with hiking on Dominica, kayaking in Grenada, and walking everywhere else.

For the first time ever I swung on a trapeze! This was off the starboard bow of a 1924 sailboat into the waters off of Aruba. I could not pass it up the invitation: the instructor was such as nice young man. He had double pierced nipples, so there was talk.  

We went to St. Martin, Dominica, Grenada, Bonaire, and Aruba. St. Martin has a nude beach. Cell phones and cameras are not allowed but considering the average age of a nudist is ~ 75 years old and they are quite out of shape doesn’t inspire photography.  The best part of the trip was snorkeling off of Aruba. The water there is very clear and blue. The worse part of the trip; we missed our boat to go on a pirate ride. Nothing disappoints so much as dashed hopes of being at the mercy of pirates.  

Being at sea always soothes me; on the day we were entirely at sea I slept nearly 18 hours.  

We met some fine fellows; a man from L.A and a couple from Salt Lake City were very good company. We hope to stay in touch.  

Before dinner our tour group met for cocktails – I had something called a ‘dirty martini’. It was rather delicious and I hope to have another some day – but not for many months. I had quite enough booze for a while.  

Due to the tropical sun, I am as dark as a native. Someone is quite pink.  

Tomorrow it is back to the salt mines . . . . . . . . .

We are in Orlando, Florida (Land of The Mouse). Our flight to Puerto Rico is not for a few hours. They have internet connections here in Florida (who knew?); I am catching up with blogs after 3-4 days.

We took the ‘red eye’ last night from Phoenix. I don’t recommend these things. I don’t sleep in hot closed areas, in turbulence and sitting up. I have been more or less awake since 5AM Friday morning.

I had a cup of coffee from the Evil Empire viz. Starbucks - my first cup in 6 months - I have palpitations and feel buzzed yet I am falling asleep. What a combination. Someone proposes we have a cocktail on board - that will be the death knell !

So that is about all the news. 

We fly this evening on the ‘red-eye’ to Orlando Florida, prior to a flight to San Juan. This is from whence the cruise ship departs. Between the week’s activity and the lack of sleep/time zone change, I suspect our first night on board will be a very long sleep.

I sleep very well on a boat.  

I am bringing along my laptop as I want to keep in touch. I will try to post.

Someone has a camera; I am not good at posting pictures, but I will try to post some shots. Please visit Gossamer Tapestry as DougT is very clever at photographs. Between the shots of the bugs and butterflies, you may see snapshots of our party.

Just don’t believe everything DougT writes about me.   If Dominica doesn’t have internet access then I will see you all in a week or so! 

I will send you warm thoughts from the Caribbean.

I love to make lists.   I call them “My Peripheral Brain”.

Lists make order out of the hummingbird-like thoughts in my head.In preparation of a major holiday, lists are all over the place – lists of things to do, lists of things to pack, lists lists lists. 

Here are some of things on my list of ‘things to pack” for our upcoming holiday.  

The dimensions of our tables.  Someone likes tablecloths and runners; if we happen to find something it is good to know if it would fit our furniture.  

A charger for the ipods.  

Several books – “The Pickwick Papers’, “the Essential Dali Lama”, “The Golden Compass”.

A backpack for our hiking outings.  Better add a some binoculars too.  

The address book. This is for the postcards for the people who would be miffed not to get a post card.   

A deck of UNO cards.   

“Hamburger Helper” for the boudoir (No, I won’t elaborate; my family reads this blog for Pete’s sake). 

The recent issues of GAMES Magazine to do on the flights.  

Talcum powder – I am returning to lands with humidity. Yucko.  

And  

“Proper” tea.  The stuff on cruise ships is dreadful.  

How real is blogging? 

I am aware of some friction going on in blog-land about identity. Apparently some bloggers get accused from time to time of not being real people. These blogs are ‘false fronts’ i.e. the writer of the blog and what they report is made up. I’ve heard this enough to sense if may be true. Last year when Scott-O-Rama announced he was a ‘she’ hiding behind the made up persona of “Scott” I believed it for a short while - until I realized the he wrote it on April Fool’s Day.  

Building a bogus blog isn’t as intriguing to me as how much truth really goes into anyone’s blog.  

Some of the blogs I read are authored by people uncomfortable disclosing too much, as they are in the closet to some degree.Some bloggers have been very hurt by revealing too much about themselves - especially about work related matters. So they limit their blogs limited to certain topics.
 

It makes me reflect upon what I do and do not put into my own blog.  There are a few things about me I won’t discuss here. I suspect others do the same.

So if we hold back certain topics, how well do we know about each other?   

I know some of you very well – maybe more than my ‘real life’ friends. I suspect I know some only as carefully chosen Personas. 
And maybe a few are ‘made up’?  

It is curious.

When I am feeling despondent, I take the Julie Andrews approach, and think about my favorite things. (There is no singing involved) 

Here are the 8 things I do when “down in the dumps”.  

1) I will leave this one blank. My family reads my blog. 

2) Watch a Marx Brothers movie. I learned this fantastic intervention from one of my analysis professors. He thought whenever a person was taking things or their lives too seriously, watching the Marx Brothers was a good tonic to put things back into perspective. My favorite is “Duck Soup”.  

3) Make and eat a lot of macaroni and cheese.This hot and wholesome dish is the best comfort food I know. I use plenty of pepper.  

4) Reread a favorite book (or a favorite passage of one).“The Phantom Tollbooth” is good for depressed moods. So are the recipe books by Ruby Ann Boxcar. The updates on her neighbors always produce a smile and a cheer-up.  My favorites are the updates of trailer park neighbor Opal and her (now ex) spouse Dick Inman. 

5) Put on a “Firesign Theatre” CD.  “The Adventures of Nick Danger” series is fantastic. If you can get a hold on “Everything you know is wrong” – well, this one is a guarantee for cheering-up.  

6) Call the Best Friend. Just hearing his voice gets me to smile and giggle, knowing  what is coming.  

7) Read the Forgiveness Prayer. I posted this as my 4/2/07 entry. If you haven’t read it yet, do so; it never fails to make me laugh.  

Make some Tea.The ritual of preparing a pot of tea puts me into a soft serene state of being. The inhalation of the aroma/the sensation of the hot liquid about to be consumed make me smile every time. 

If these 8 interventions should ever fail, then there is always medication: Skittles or Gummi-Bears - taken three times a day on an empty stomach.

In less than a week Someone and I leave for our annual winter holiday. Normally we go in late January to Key West (where we met). This year we are going on a cruise in the Caribbean with DougT of Gossemer Tapestry and his partner Leon AKA the Wild One. It is their 1^st cruise; it is our 4^th.  

Someone and I have the misfortune of jobs that don’t allow us to go away on holiday with much ease. The week prior to a vacation is jam-packed with things to do. We are the sort of persons who don’t like to leave a lot behind for colleagues; so we work hard to get things as tidy as possible. I try to get as many crisis and patients ‘tucked in’ so the cover docs don’t have too much to do. Someone has it worse; he has projects and deadlines to complete.

Besides tucking in work, we have errands to run – order the tuxedos, get the passports and tidy up the house.  

And then there is the packing. I pack a few times as I never get it right the on the first attempt. I tend to over-pack and then cut back. Our vacation is 9 days long, so I want to bring 9 shirts from the “Spo-Reflections label”. I need to remember to leave space for potential purchases.   

The Books I am bringing on the cruise –

The Golden Compass

The Pickwick Papers

The Essential Dali Lama 

Do they have internet service on board? I hope so.

I want to keep in touch and post the news!

One of the doctors at the office is leaving. This means I will inherit his caseload. My dance card is going to get a lot busier. And I will have to get to know a large group of patients - it is hard to walk into Act III of somebody’s personal opera.   On the positive; I become even more of a crucial element so I can be a total bitch and complain more assertive with my wants. 

I recently stopped a patient’s medication. We thought it wasn’t doing any good. He informs me that was a mistake; he was more irritable and labile. It may have been good timing – he was recently mugged and instead of keeping calm he went bezerk. Apparently he frightened the daylights out of the assailants who ran off without taking his wallet.  

Another fellow tells me his medication is having a strange side effect; he is having orgasms when he urinates. You might be amazed to hear he doesn’t like this. Apparently it is a bit embarrassing in the public restroom. 

A man is very unhappy to be here in Arizona. His wife drags him here every year from the Midwest as she has seasonal affective disorder. So now he has a sort of seasonal affective disorder. She is doing OK.  

One young woman has a habit of being flirtatious to get what she wants. She is laying it on rather thick with me. She announced in her last appointment she has keen intuition.

So much for her judgment.  

If you talk to God you are praying, but if God is talking to you, you have bipolar disorder and given lithium or something.   

There are a lot ‘urgent’ calls that haven’t been that urgent – people being impatient with the screwed up telephone system. These cry wolf people are going to get in the way of someone with a real urgent problem.   

Today is my blog’s birthday. Spo-Reflections is 2 years old.  

I keep saying this but it remains true – I am continually amazed by this experience. 

2 years ago I didn’t know what blogging was.  I took it up on the recommendation of Michael at Temporary Trouble Spots (the dear!). I had no conscious idea what I was doing or why I was doing it. I thought it would be fun to try writing out my thoughts.

Here is the first entry from 2/08/06; 

Spo Reflections - the journey begins

Encouraged by a chum who blogs, and driven by some OCD traits to record everything, I start something I have never seen before, let alone done - a blog. I have heard of them but as my computer skills are minimal, I have never experienced such.

I feel virginal; something I have not experienced in a very long while. For whom am I writing this blog? I am not certain. I am driven to do so - I hope this is more from the Muses and not from lack of medication.
I have no idea where it will go or what it will do or be. That sounds rather exciting.
So it begins……  

For several months I wrote only to myself, with Michael encouraging me to keep going. Then others started to drop by…. 2 years later;

I read 40-50 blogs. Year #2 was at WordPress. Last year over 40,000 visitors have visited Spo-Reflections.  I have joined a community for which I am very grateful. What a marvelous journey.  

I met three bloggers face to face. I hope to meet more. In the last year there have been many changes and some losses. Nearly all the ‘originals’ I read in 2006 have stopped blogging. I miss them.

But over time new ones continually arrive. I guess blogging is a never-ending story of people coming and going. It is curious to see whom Fate delivers into my life.

Jung said ‘every country gets the foreigners it deserves’.

I am blessed by the variety of people who find my thoughts worthwhile to read.  

I still have no fixed idea where this will go.   

Thank you for coming along with me into year #3.      

Today was my first day working in the 3^rd office of the clinic where I am employed. This 3^rd office is conveniently located only 2 miles away from where Someone works. We can car pool on this day.   The office seems nicer compared to the other two – and I can open a window here!

The downside: I am working in 3 offices over 5 days; 2 in Phoenix, 2 in Mesa and 1 in Chandler. I get the impression this was not well thought out; I run around town and the charts are never where they should be. Also, the receptionists can’t seem to find me to fax over messages and pharmacy slips. Patients trying to get hold of me now have a labrynith through which to wade. They have to call the central office < the note is faxed to me < which I may not get until I revolve again back to that office. I am getting a lot more ‘no-shows’ as people are going to the wrong clinic. And this is aggravating; rescheduling means waiting a few weeks now.  

I vaguely recall a Mother Goose rhyme about some fellow running around in town to various places, in his night gown. I don’t recall his name or why he was running amok, but he comes to mind as I zoom around the East Valley of Phoenix.  

I need a pair of rollerskates.

I just hope I don’t forget which day where I am supposed to be.

SORORITY GIRLS FROM HELL! - Lois Bromfield

Michael at Temporary Trouble Spots recently posted this; it brought back found memories of Monday nights at Sidetrack in Chicago.

This one is for you Eileen!

Sometimes – 

I have a craving for starches - lots of hot, salty starch like pasta or noodles or hot bread. I seldom if ever crave sweets. 

I suddenly say out loud expletives or short sentences. One of my professors thought I had a touch of Tourette’s Disorder; I suspect she is correct. 

I reread favorite passages from favorite books; they are cheerful as old friends. 

I get so frustrated and angry with patients I want to scream at them. 

I dream about quitting my job and doing something else, but I can’t yet figure out what that something else would be.  

I am envious of my brother, who has children. 

Bananas make me sick to my stomach, but not always. I haven’t found any correlation to this intermittent problem. 

I am amazed how people screw up their lives – despite 15 years in my line of work. 

I get the uncanny feeling there is a spirit or angel doing things around me. I call this presence Charles Clarence. I thank him when this phenomena occurs.  

I eat french fries with vinegar.  

I have headaches after eating lunch. 

I remember to write things in the social/appointment calendar at home. 

I sense my life has been a failure. 

I feel that everything is just as it should be.

I’ve been very busy with paperwork at work and chores around the house. I’ve not been on line to read blogs in what feels like a week’s time.  In all this activity, I realized I got through 2 February, without realizing the significance  - February 1^st or 2^nd is the annual date to start seeds indoors. Normally by now I have read the seed catalogs, bought the seeds, and started the early things like celery and early type tomatoes.  And I haven’t done so. 

This is going to be the first year in over a decade I haven’t had some sort of vegetable garden. 

What a sad thought. 

There is nothing more satisfactory than harvesting real tomatoes and melons in late August. The first bite into something you have waited 8 months to encounter – well, there is no joy like it. 

I made the decision to not garden last month. After a few tries at vegetable gardening in Phoenix, I have to wave the white flag. It is too damn hot to grow what I normally enjoy growing. My favorite – heirloom tomatoes – won’t produce buds or pollen. What few toms I could produce were small and bitter.  I’ve tried a few methods and none have worked out. And the amount of work is triple – it involved a lot of watering and shading.  

I could alter my growing season; I could stick with things like hot peppers (which do grow). I could invest a lot of money into fancy vegetable beds. But it doesn’t seem worth it or enjoyable.  

Not having a garden will be a loss. The process of dreaming, planning and growing things has been an integral part of my psyche for years. It used to help with the rhythm of the year; a time to dream – a time to plant – and time to mend – and time to harvest – and a time to put it all to sleep.

Out here in Arizona there is no sense of winter or fall or spring anyway. There is hardly any sense of ‘season’. And growing vegetables in October does not feel right.  

So I say farewell to a long time hobby – for now. Perhaps next year I will have missed it enough to try once again to grow something. Perhaps over time our lives will change and we will be somewhere where I can restart it all. Who can tell.   

Thank you everybody for the well wishes on the anniversary. After a full day’s work, we had a big dinner and split a bottle of wine – and I promptly fell asleep to “Anything Goes”.  Such as decadent life I lead. 

I’ve been blogging for ~ 2 years; I read over 40 or more on a regular basis. They are listed in my blog roll.

I am surprised by which ones I read viz. who writes them and what they write and why they write. This group is quite various in age, gender, geography and style.  At first I tried to keep track ‘how I found them’ but by now I can’t remember.  Most of them ‘dropped by’ one day, and I returned their call by dropping in on them; and so it continued.  

What is more surprising is how much I have grown to care for you all. In some ways you are strangers. I have only met 3 of you. I don’t call or talk to any of you – you could be ghosts for all I know!  Yet, I am eager to ‘get on line’ each day and find out how everyone is doing.

I am genuinely saddened when you are not doing well, and happy with your good events. And I feel real sorrow when one of you decides to stop writing.   

I sense I read blogs who are genuine and honest in who they are; they put themselves on line, not just a personae.

Blogging and the internet are too young to have established rules and expectations. So where this is going is unknown (at least to me). Being on a journey with people whom Fate delivered is exciting.

Nothing is marred by my expectations.

I guess this is a long-winded way of saying I appreciate you all, and I feel honored you would share your lives with me.