The Car Key Gnomes have been quite active this month.
For those not familiar with car key gnomes, they are a species of elf that take car keys from where you set them down, and put them in the couch or some other out of the way place. Once they put the keys in the washer machine. Active at night time, they are insatiable in their need to move objects around. When they can’t get hold of keys, they branch out into wallets, cell phones, and books.
They drive me bats, but one has to live with them.
Worse - they’ve emailed the relatives to come over.
Our house is plagued with fairy folk, obsessed with causing chaos.
The Computer Gremlins – they can be more annoying than gnomes. They freeze up computer screens and force me to reboot the computer. Brother #3 insists this is merely faulty Windows products Mr. Gates purposely installed to annoy and make things generally irritating. But I know better.
The Entertainment Centre Pixies – their life’s work consists of casting spells when I attempt to remember how to operate the control devices that operate the TV system. As soon as I touch one of the controls, the pixies discombobulate me to forget again how to operate the damn things. They have rewired the system so the only function I want – playing an ipod outside – is not operating.
The Cup Sprites – it is their habit to get out all the glasses from the cupboard and fill them half way with drinks and place them around the house. These fairies drive Someone bats. I am forever gathering up these cups, but to no avail.
By the way, the sprites have Someone completely fooled; he thinks the half consumed beverages originate from somebody else.
And the worse ones are …….
The Laundry Goblins – while my back is turned they go into the dryer and pull out just one sock or that certain handkerchief and run off with them. When they can’t find items to steal, they shrink T-shirts and shirts. Bums.


23 comments
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May 12, 2008 at 10:56 pm
Pink
You need some of that Goblin-be-gone spray I got at walmart. Now of course, Goblins keep Hobbits away…so…
May 13, 2008 at 2:28 am
Lemuel
It all started when you allowed that gnome by your pool!! You cannot allow evil like that into your home and not expect dire consequences. I warned you, Spo! I warned you! But, no, you would not listen!
…and now all these evils are sending their minions to PA to visit my house!!
May 13, 2008 at 2:59 am
Mike neé Pistolotto
“Our house is plagued with fairy folk, obsessed with causing chaos.”
Sounds like my kind of place!
May 13, 2008 at 5:03 am
BentonQuest
I agree with Lem, the pool gnome worked as a lure!
Have you been illeagely transporting cup sprites to Michigan when you have been coming up to visit?
May 13, 2008 at 5:27 am
RainBro
OMG I love this post. Thanks for the laugh.
They must be everywhere. I’ve seen them here at night - dancing around that bonfire in the garden that they’ve set… Plotting their next moves. The little bastards.
Peace,
=RainBro=
May 13, 2008 at 5:38 am
Nick
All their relatives seem to live in Michigan. They have a friend who whirls through the bedroom like a tornado strewing clothes and “stuff” everywhere.
May 13, 2008 at 6:13 am
DougT
The misplaced wallet gnomes seem to bedevil L far often than me. I’m not sure why. OTOH, the Cup Pixies have a particular fondness for me,
May 13, 2008 at 6:13 am
Robert
My my Dr. Urspo, what a ‘fun bunch’ of guests!!! You should fatten them up with milk n’ cookies so they can’t run away when you want to catch them!
Urspo - I am not sure which ones are the culprit, but they tend to raid the fridge at night and eat up all the snacks and more tasty nibbles; I am constantly finding such food types missing.
May 13, 2008 at 6:58 am
Greg
Laundry goblins are most definitely the worst of the bunch!!!
May 13, 2008 at 7:29 am
seriouslyflippant
OMG, you are so right! I’m plagued with Key Elves personally. They know how it sends me into overdrive when I can’t find something…especially if I feel like I’m getting close to being late!
May 13, 2008 at 8:31 am
TigerYogiji
Well, the poor dears have no woods or forest glens to live in, in dusty old Arizona, so what did you expect?!!
Urspo - Lemeul is correct that James Evelyn Hoffman the Garden Gnome is outside and seems to attract fairy folk in the guise of rabbits. How the hell are rabbits surviving in this climate I want to know; they must be fairies in disguise.
May 13, 2008 at 9:06 am
Kalvin
They are rather irritating aren’t they? Maybe they just are trying to make you focus on the important things in life. (okay, I gagged a little when I typed that).
May 13, 2008 at 10:57 am
Cliffie
My problem at the moment is more with the computer gremlins but fear not, my pretties — I WILL BLOG AGAIN!
May 13, 2008 at 1:52 pm
Merri
LOL LOL!
Great post!
I especially was intrigued by the cup fairies..we have the other sprites and didn’t know that this species existed!
They are TIRELESS; and yes I too try to gather the cups up but the minute my back is turned, there are a whole fresh lot ..lol.
May 13, 2008 at 5:25 pm
Maddog
I’m not really sure you’ve figured out exactly who the fairies are. But I think you are getting warmer. And warmer. And warmer.
May 13, 2008 at 8:43 pm
Daniel
I have such a fetish about washing socks. I count them before putting them in, taking them out of the washer, and when I take them out of the dryer. I am absurdly proud of the fact that I never, NEVER lose socks in the laundry.
Ir concerns me a little, that it means so much to me.
May 14, 2008 at 2:47 am
cedrorum
Great post. We have some of these same fairies around our house. The car key gnomes really like to mess with my wife. They don’t bother me much though. I guess they aren’t tall enough to reach that key holder post that I hang mine on.
May 14, 2008 at 4:07 am
Will
Dude, you are like totally elfed.
And I don’t want to hear it from Daniel because I think my washing machine mainlines socks into the septic system.
May 14, 2008 at 10:47 am
javabear
Yep, we’ve got some of them here. Not much bothered by car key gnomes. I always (almost) put my keys in exactly the same place, and they’re pretty good about staying there. The rest of that crowd of magic folk are here and very very busy.
May 16, 2008 at 3:13 pm
leon halloran
And in addition there are the morphing monsters. When you need a paper clip they have all morphed to staples and the other way around. A bunch of them get together and morph to clothes hangers when you are not looking and then change to kitchen gadgets. That last transformation appears to be irreversible, everyone knows how kitchen gadgets just accumulate, especially the more useless ones.
May 16, 2008 at 6:54 pm
Brent
The Wee Folk confine themselves to two tasks in my home: 1) Eating the good leftovers before lunchtime the next day; and, 2)reshelfing important books on wrong bookshelves. I’m sure their industry springs from their desire to be helpful, but whenever I’m in their wake, I spend at least twice as much time. For our part, we give them generous portions of Peanut M&M’s and chocolates. In return, they respect our keys and the unfolded clean laundry on the couch: no missing socks!
May 16, 2008 at 7:26 pm
BID
Do you believe in ghosts too?
May 18, 2008 at 10:33 am
the cajun
Entertainment Centre Pixies!!! Ah the memories from my previous life. Himself was/is an electronics genius and in the old days everything was constantly rewired. However, everything worked with one single remote, so it didn’t take too long to figure out which button activated what toy.
Fast forward - 30 years - by the time of the breakup there were SIX remotes and I couldn’t get any one of them to activate anything.
Now, everything old is new again, my system works with only one remote and I no longer have to watch DVDs on my monitor. Now that’s progress.
Loved the post.
Cheers