Today on Yahoo I read a satirical article conveying the Mayans perhaps are right; the world is coming to an end this December. It listed certain signs, such as the GOP primary race, pizza is considered a vegetable in school cafeterias, and Hollywood/Publishers/survival catalogs all producing lots of things for purchase so one will leave this world informed if not penniless. I thought a more sure sign of the apocalypse was the many commenters who read the article as truthful.
Here are some other signs I think support the world is going to dissolve in a new-age catastrophe this Christmas.
Plastic bottles
People still buy them, drink only some of the 8-10$/gallon water, and throw the bottle away. Not only does this pollute the planet with plastic going to landfill (and eventually into our environment) it is also is a waste of water. The world may come to and end as we become buried in half consumed (PABA included) containers.
Obesity as an alternative lifestyle
In medical school I was taught being overweight is a serious health concern of morbidity and mortality. Nowadays some of my overweight patients demand I see it as an alternative lifestyle that should be seen – and provided for – as a handicap, complete with special parking spaces (near the door) and airplane seats to accommodate. Suggestions they need help is seen like a proposal to ‘straighten’ out gay people through Christian counseling.
The Martini Problem
As the bartenders grow younger, it is harder to find someone who knows how to make a proper martini. First, they presume this means vodka. Then they ask “what flavor I want”. A proper martini is gin, a bit of good vermouth (no rubbish) and an olive.
Cable Marathons
By the end of the year we will dissolve into mashed coach potatoes from 3-4 days of back to back “Law and Order” and “Project Runway” reruns. 1-2 days for “Desperate Housewives”.
Santorum
I don’t know what heralds “The End” more: Mr. Santorum making his incredible statements, or the people who agree with him.
Bell Bottoms
Rumor has it they are coming back this autumn, just in time for the Mayans and/or the UFOs at Christmas. Groovy.
18 comments
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March 15, 2012 at 9:42 PM
Sean
Did you read the one about they Mayan calendar not compensating for leap year? This means their calendar actually ended about 18 months ago and the world is still here.
March 16, 2012 at 3:28 AM
Cheryl Fuller
I am glad that it is no longer the norm for gays to be labeled as sick and needing treatment to cure them. I long for the day when healthy fat people like me are treated likewise.
March 16, 2012 at 4:56 AM
Will
Cartoon I saw, possibly from the New Yorker: Mayan sculptor competing one of those spectacular round stone calendars: “There’s no more room on the stone for the rest of it.” Mayan King: “That’s OK, but it’s going to drive a lot of people nuts around 2012.”
March 16, 2012 at 5:20 AM
Aunt Barb
Your insights are great fun
March 16, 2012 at 6:05 AM
Mark
Many months ago, people were all panicky about Romney. And I would say to them, “just hope that Santorum doesn’t become the front runner”. I hope I didn’t jinx things.
m.
March 16, 2012 at 6:32 AM
Jay
Well you will just have to get busy and do a lot of pre posts and schedule them for after Dec. 21 (Why did I know that date?) so that those of us who may still be here will have something to inspire us.
March 16, 2012 at 6:40 AM
RuralBeard
The end of the world again! Oh well, personally i’m not going. As for bottles, those ubiquitous store-bought bottles of water; seems a new study shows that they are rather toxic and can cause (in utero) a ‘key trigger’ to becoming obese in spite of one’s diet. I’ll stick to my glass bottles (of gin: for the BEST in a martini — secret: 1 capful of vermouth in your shaker, swish it around and then chuck it out, leaving just a film, then add your gin – perfectly DRY every time). BTW, I still have my bell bottoms; I’ll have to dust them off!
March 16, 2012 at 8:17 AM
Cameron
For a future blog post, I’d like you to list the signs that the world is NOT ending.
March 16, 2012 at 9:39 AM
Urspo
Awesome idea! I shall do so!
________________________________
March 18, 2012 at 6:32 AM
RuralBeard
Might I suggest beginning your list with: 1. Woke up.
March 16, 2012 at 8:21 AM
Will J
Dr Spo,
I beleive that the martini problem has exisited for centuries and is thus, not a sign of the end times. With many thanks to Ruralbeard who reminded me of this doxology which I learned from my parents when I was a mere child:
Vermouth…, swish it around and then chuck it out, leaving just a film, then add your gin
As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be :
world without end.
March 16, 2012 at 8:30 AM
RuralBeard
…amen…and you’re welcome Will
March 16, 2012 at 9:47 AM
jefferyrn
Have you notice all the handicapp parking in front of Walmart. Most of these people are just over weight. Shouldn’t their spots be reserved at the back of the lot? I have a weight problem but it is not a life style choice.
March 16, 2012 at 12:29 PM
truthspew
Speaking of handicap parking, I snagged this one in September, 2011 at the Wal Mart in Coventry, RI:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/kd1s/6841904512/
I’m sort of a cultural anthropologist. I don’t think we’re headed to destruction per se, but I do recommend you watch the movie “Idiocracy”.
March 16, 2012 at 1:40 PM
anne marie in philly
chocolate vodka martinis – YUMMY YUM!
March 17, 2012 at 9:57 AM
Cubby
Greg and I decided to try a martini a few months ago, so I went on the internet to learn how it made. I was bombarded with dozens of recipes, all of which required ingredients I never heard of much less had in the house. Finally I found one called the ‘perfect martini’. Gin, dry vermouth, and sweet vermouth. It knocked me on my ass! (I don’t handle alcohol well). Someday I’ll try another. Perhaps you can make me one.
March 17, 2012 at 5:03 PM
Nate
Bell bottoms coming back? That is a sure sign of the end of the world.
I’ve actually seen a few people wearing some, although they were more subtle than they used to be but still…
March 18, 2012 at 6:31 AM
RuralBeard
Now, now, now, what’s wrong with bell bottoms? They’re certainly better looking than the ass-drooping jeans that pass as clothing. Give me a nice fitting pair of bells and throw on some 60′s tunes and I’m away!