A few blogger buddies are struggling with their health and/or with their weight. I join them in this common problem; I am upset with my body. Despite months (years?) of exercise my waistline is not getting any smaller. After a large meal I look like a pregnant woman.

It is not uncommon to feel bad about one’s body  (I am too large, too fat, too big/small etc. etc.) Discouragement from effort without  efficacy is also common.

Well, I have the exercise part going  – my personal trainer has me doing plenty of abdominal exercises. I feel my abdomen has some strength and tightness now.

I suspect I am not doing the other side of the coin – diet and portion control.

Here are my basic stratagems -

1) It is time to set limits on the amount of food I eat. I don’t think I eat badly but I eat portions too large. Between now and Key West 2010 (mid-February) I am changing to frequent, small meals.

2) Starch.  I don’t eat much if any sweets, but I love pasta and noodles and bread. Time to eliminate these nasty carbohydrates. My CHO needs to be nearly all in vegetable form.

3) No more late night snacks.  If I must eat prior to bed time, it is going to be fruit – not cheese or crackers or other nasty nibbles.

4) Finally, if all else fails, I’ve learned a few things from the eating disorder patients. I will join the Karen Carpenter fan club and stop eating. There is nothing like bingeing and laxatives and diet pills to shed off those unwanted pounds.

Opps, sorry. I got carried away there.

Seriously now, sensible eating is the key.

Thanksgiving and Christmas times will be challenging, but I merely have to keep in mind running around shirt-less (and trouser-less) in Florida to be inspired.

It was nice to ‘go home’ this weekend.

The trip was a mixture of seeing old familiar people, places and things set in different contexts. The ‘leitmotif’ was one of nostalgia combined with the sense of time.

The funeral service for Richard was splendid.  I forgot he was in WWII in Europe – the military came to play taps and fold a flag over him.

As is sometimes the case when a loved one dies, you realize it in stages. Although we spent the morning at his funeral service, I ‘felt it’ at the funeral luncheon. For the first time in my life, our family did not have Richard with us at the table. Brother #3 was also not present- for his wife is due any time now to have the baby. So the great circle of life was sensed.

The ‘highlight’ of the funeral was seeing my father’s old law firm partners, some of them seen in maybe 20 years. My father and Richard were fortunate to have a group of colleagues who were also friends. I was envious: when I go there will be no equivalent for me.

My favorite part of the weekend was just being home. Mother made the usual meals, and did her crossword puzzles. Father showed me his latest model train set up. We three went to Church; I saw my new niece.  I saw my brothers. Nothing major, ‘just life’.

This is happiness – the sense of satisfaction in the midst of the mundane.

I am glad to be going back at Christmas time. Just once more I would like to have “Home of Christmas’ with all my family.

I didn’t have internet access; I missed reading my blogs.  I hope to do so some ‘catch up’ in the next couple of days.

I have missed you!

Dearies -

I am in Michigan (Land of Giants). I do not have internet access, alas. I will post this evening when I fly back to Phoenix.

I miss you all!

Urspo

This is Random Thoughts #42, which is supposed to be the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything, but I forget what was the question……

I thank you all for your support and thoughts from yesterday’s rant.

Out of curiosity I dyed my beard to get out the gray. Now I look like Billy Mays. Oh my Lord.  

My recent labs were good – cholesterol, HDLs, LDLs, TG etc. were WNL. Thank you red rice yeast! My PSA was tested and it is 0.5. Apparently this is ‘very low’. My doctor says sometimes PSA goes up after sexual activity. I see these two as connected viz. I am not getting enough…..    I got a H1N1 shot. I qualified as a health care worker. I feel somewhat guilty for having gotten it viz. I wanted to pass it on to someone more deserving. My doctor assured me he had enough.

Mostly we talked about sewing, as I brought him a Spo-shirt to see. (at his request).  I was so busy at work today I had no time to change into my usual white shirt/tie and jacket. So I spent the day in a Hawaiian shirt. The APA secret police did not come to arrest me for failing to dress up to professional standards. The majority of patients thought I was stunning. The new patient was appalled however. She had a look like I just sneezed on her best dress.

Tonight we saw “Swan Lake”. I’ve been longing to see it, and now I have. I liked it. It made me think of “Love Valor and Compassion”.

Tomorrow I fly to Detroit to attend the memorial service for Richard. I talked about him last week. I will see my new niece. I doubt I will have much time to visit my blogger buddies. I will miss you – I will get caught up this Sunday.

I probably shouldn’t  be writing right now. I am tired, and I am angry. Common sense tells me to calm down, walk away and  compose something less bitter when my head is clear.  But on occasion, emotions overcome  prudence.

So if I sound nasty, perhaps it is the situation.

I suppose I am not surprised what happened in Maine. On the other hand, it left me angry and bitter. Two matters particularly gall;

Maine, known for its independency, apparently doesn’t apply this to other people.  It makes me see them as hypocrites.

Second, I suspect that there was plenty of money poured into Maine from other states to influence the vote.  I do not know for sure,  but I suspect the Mormons again sent cash to make sure another state’s politics is influenced by their cult’s  beliefs.

I think Americans  are some of the nastiest Westerners  there are. I feel nasty myself – I have lowered myself to the level of the Yahoos wanting riot and brutish disruption  because the powers that be  they judge as  infringing on their wants.

I should be more hopeful; I should be ‘better’ than the Right wing clods  behaving nastily and no different than terrorists.   I am neither.

Right now, I want to return ugly for ugly.  I want defiance – and even violence.

This country can go to hell for it is exactly what it deserves.

This one is for Princess-Goddess, who is due any day now. They are doing Madame Munchkin’s room in a ‘fish’ motif.

So here is the ‘Fish Quilt”-

November is a depressing month of a lot of people, but I rather like it. There is a hint of winter/snow on the way as well as the holidays.  There is a break between the revelry of Hallowe’en and Thanksgiving.  So November is a feeling of anticipation.

Or was, until Arizona, where it remains 88 degrees. Thanksgiving outside is a bit unsettling.

This weekend I fly to Michigan to attend the memorial service for Richard. By doing so, I get to see ‘real November weather’ again.  I also get to see my 1 month old niece, Warrior-Queen, and a lot of other relatives.

Speaking of nieces,  Brother and DIL #3 see the arrival of Princess-Goddess, adding to the long list of friends and family with birthdays in November.  I count over a dozen.

Someone and I have a lot of tickets to hear operas, concerts and what not.   We get to hear This Fellow sing.

We hear Chanticleer, see the Met’s Aida, and attend Salome (oh my favorite!) so I am very excited.

With Key West only 3 months away I need to get in shape and get cracking on a few new gowns shirts lest there is talk. There is always talk, but not about me thank you very much !

This fine fellow is stirring up the internet with conversations and talk about relationships and the boundaries therein.

I’ve been itching to ‘join in’, but details about that part of my personal life is not a topic for blogging.

In my professional life, I get a lot of patients/couples in an outrage over porn = infidelity.  This is primarily a heterosexual issue, and always the female upset over the male. She has discovered or caught him looking at porn on the internet.  This is sometimes seen as no different than infidelity or adultery.
Then there is the question of does looking at porn make him ‘a sex addict’ as well as unfaithful.

I don’t do too well with this sort of patient as I don’t see viewing any porn = sexual perversion or addiction, nor do I see it equal to physical adultery.  Worse, if I am seeing the fellow (sent in for addiction treatment) he comes home with a different approach NOT what his wife wants – and there is the angry call from the Mrs. why I am not seeing it her way/doing what is right.

I suppose the ‘porn issue’ is the straight equivalent to the gay issue of what is acceptable in a relationship. (although I know few female patients with allowance for such).

I’ve not met gay/lesbian couples with the same outrage and issue over porn. But is there?  I’ve had a few bothered their partner spends too much time with porn (rather than with them) but this is not a case of ‘no porn allowed’.

Some religions see any porn = addiction. Catholicism concurs to this, although they do not take the same approach towards alchohol. (it is my understanding Mormons go further, with porn = addiction = alcohol)

I think these issues get down to the age old question – If a lot of people are doing something, does this mean it is OK and acceptable? Everyone goes back to get a bit more from the fountain drink station – no one questions it.

Everyone lies, but few people support this is OK/acceptable.

So where does porn fit in? If at all?

Apropos with the concept of communicating with the Dead, today is All Saint’s Day. By definition those with The Divine are Saints.  Part of the Catholic Creed is “We believe in communion of Saints…” viz. the are accessible.

I have a Saints Tarot Deck (which is very, very close to my stack of Holy Cards, each helps one get in touch with archetypal and divine energies).

For example -

The Fool is St. Francis

The Hierophant is St. Peter

The Wheel of Fortune is St. Catherine

The  Lovers card has St. Valentine

The Queen of Swords is St. Joan of Arc

etc.

Some of my favorite Saints :

St. Peter – with his tendency to blurt and be impulsive and hot headed, he is the Saint of ADHD.

St. Joseph of Cupentino – a schlepp that nobody wanted really, so he is good for ‘those that don’t quite fit in’.

St. Teresa of Avila – with her headaches and various illnesses she rocks for migraines and psychosomatic problems.

Her ecstasies were something marvelous -

“In his hands I saw a large golden spear, and at its iron tip there seemed to be a point of fire. I felt as if he plunged this into my heart several times, so that is penetrated al the way to my entrails. When he drew it out,he seemed to draw them out with it, and l felt me totally inflamed with a great love of God. The pain was so severe, it made me moan several times. The sweetness of this intense pain is so extreme, there is no wanting it to end, and the soul is not satisfied with anything less than God.”

“If this is divine love, “ remarked one writer “I have known it well.”.

St. Luke (of the gospel sort) is dear as he is the patron saint of physicians.

and

Sergius_and_Bacchus

fascinating fellows, no?

A recent Spo-fan asked me why I like Hallowe’en so much.

I referred him to previous entries starting in 2006. He wrote back for more clarification. He read and understood the warm childhood memories etc. but that wasn’t his question. He wanted to know about the psychological  attraction. What was in my psyche that makes me drawn to Hallowe’en?

So here it is -

Hallowe’en is a mixture of many elements from several cultures, but the main source derives  from the Celts. At this time of year the Celts marked the passing of time.  The specifics what they did may be lost or sublimated, but the general concept remains – Hallowe’en is a family and  social celebration of the profundities of time, nature, and death.

I have some Celtic ancestry. By participating in Hallowe’en, I continue a tradition that goes back thousands of years. It is a way to connect with the Dead and honor them. The Catholic Church was not wrong in linking All Soul’s Day to this time of year.

Among the revelry, I think about my ancestors and reflect on Life’s mysteries. It touches on the Numinous. I am not just a spontaneous someone, but the a link in a chain of people going back into the dawn of Time.

I find this a comfort. I hope the Dead are also comforted knowing they are honored.  I am glad to see my nephews carrying on the excitement and wonder of the holiday.

My line continues.

Happy Hallowe’en Everybody !!