Yes, it is another rerun. There are some entries for which I am more proud so far back I doubt many Spo-fans know they are there. So I figured to replicate a few, particularly the Spo Tales. They are rawther unusual.
The Lord-Great-Jaguar-Paw ruled a kingdom so old and ancient the homes and palaces were heated with rocks still cooling down from the Archaean. Lord-Great-Jaguar-Paw was the king’s official title as his preferred name “Most butch” was deemed too silly.
Lord-Great-Jaguar-Paw (known to his mother as Kitten) lorded over a very large province and a large family. His children were a source of great joy – and a puzzlement – for surely, he had ED. Yet every year Queen Sheila-Badger-Breath put out another child. “Goodness knows where she gets them!” he would exclaim.
Some of his children were a worry. His oldest was a charming boy who liked nothing better than to make paper airplanes and race cars out of pinewood. Since neither of these means of transport would be invented for ~ 3000 years no one understood what the hell they were for.
The second son was a merry lad who liked nothing more than to arrange flowers and design next year’s robes for the high priests. He also choreographed the slaves who danced at the tate banquets. “He will make some woman a good husband!” LGJP would say to with mild satisfaction.
The third son had the unfortunate name of Evelyn. Apparently no one looked closely when he was born, and by the time of his baptism it was too late.
In a month that had two Mondays in the same week, Evelyn fell sick. He was speaking in tongues nonstop. At first it was assumed he was having blessings from the gods; people came from afar to hear his words. But soon it became apparent Evelyn was as crazy as a shi-t house rat.
LGJP called for The Fabulous-Spo-Hugger-and-Kisser-of-Bears, M.D. to practice his craft. Dr. FSHB realized if he was discovered for the great physician he is, he would never be released from service. Besides, he had theatre tickets that evening. At first he denied who he was. But with threats to cut off his tea supply, he changed his mind. He performed his shaman dance and sang prayers. He injected Thorazine. Lo! Evelyn was better and FSHKB’s worse fears were realized: he was appointed court shrink to LGJP.
He became famous for his healing. A little blue diamond-shaped pill from the far off kingdom of Pfizer cured LGJP of his personal problem, much to the chagrin of his wife.
He also cured the queen of her depression. He chose not to use the old Sumerian recipe of smashed pearls, cobra venom and mare’s blood (a remedy that killed as swift as any knife to the side). Rather, he administered a little green and white pill. Her relief was great but alas, she was no longer interested in sex, let alone with LGJP.
So Lord-Great etc. took onto himself a new wife and soon there were another troop of kiddies banging up the palace furniture.
To everyone’s surprise, Sheila did not hate the new queen.
The moral of this legend? People are incalculable.