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Today is our tenth year anniversary. I met Someone ten years ago when we were both staying at the same B&B in Key West. I was there for my annual holiday; he was there for the first time. We met at social hour. One could say it was a Broadway musical that made the ‘click’. I voiced a fondness for “The Secret Garden”. He recently was in a production of it.   (Since some Spo-fans are smart alecks – he was the Gardener, not Mary Lennox).

I could write all sorts of things about our relationship, but what comes to mind as I write this is the amazement. Has it been 10 years? Didn’t we just meet? More incredible is he bothers to hang in with me. My ADD wiring wasn’t a really a ‘disorder’ until I started to live with another. Bad traits of blurting, the inattention, the difficulty to sit still/finish things around the house all drive him bats. A major mistake is to ask a question only to realize ‘he had said that five minutes ago’. It hurts his feelings so. So there are times I wonder why he bothers to hang around someone like me, or at least without Ritalin.

We aren’t doing much for the day – we will eat out. In two days we go to Costa Rica and we shelled out a lot of $$$ to buy the year’s airplane tickets, so our ‘gifts’ to each other is the commitment towards the future, expressed in these plans.

I don’t talk much about my relationship on my blog. He likes his privacy – and my family reads this blog. I am grateful he is with me. Life without him would feel empty.
I hope there are 10 years more and then some.

1.Your oddest craving?
Olives stuffed with jalapenos.
2. The forbidden food?
No veal.
3. A dish that makes you queasy?
Cheesecake; it gets me quite nauseated.
4. Your least favorite food vegetable?
5. Your worst cooking disaster?
Once I tried to make a ‘daffodil bundt cake. It looked, smelled and tasted bad.
6. A Cooking exercise you don’t do well?
To this day I can’t make rice properly. It never turns out right.
7. Food that arouses the most suspicion?
Twinkies; what exactly is in them?
8. A drink you used to drink but no more?
Whole milk; I don’t do skim milk much either
9. Least favorite fast food chain?
Long John Silver’s; always makes me sick.
10. When in doubt, eat….
Boxed Kraft Macaroni and Cheese
11. A restaurant faux pas that would get you to speak up?
Cold food that is supposed to be hot.
12. Is there something spoiled in the fridge right now?
A cucumber is looking rather pruny with some white fuzz at one end.
13. Food you can’t buy as your spouse/partner won’t allow it in the house
Mayonnaise. He is quite adverse to even its mention.
14. Food your spouse/partner likes that you don’t like.
Chocolate mint ice cream.
15. Your least favorite type of cuisine?
I am not fond of Mandarin Chinese food; too bland
16. I food you hated as a child but now love?
Lots! Tomatoes being the biggest hate to love transformation.

The other day was the birthday of Virginia Woolf.
She said:

“So long as you write what you wish to write, that is all that matters; and whether it matters for ages or only for hours, nobody can say. But to sacrifice a hair of the head of your vision, a shade of its colour, in deference to some Headmaster with a silver pot in his hand or to some professor with a measuring-rod up his sleeve, is the most abject treachery.”

Seemed apt for blogging.

Recently I was reminded tGod has a sense of humor. I saw in consultation an 18yo woman, brought in (quite against her wishes) by her father, who was very concerned she had something the matter. It turns out she had some mild bipolar depression, but the real explanation of ‘what is the matter’ wouldn’t have gone over too well. They were concrete people, so my attempt to explain the dynamics would have fallen flat. I thought I would share them with you.

After the consultation I felt absolutely rotten. When emotions hit like this it is always a good sign to sit up and pay attention as to what went on. I figured it out. I was the victim of subtle psychology. The father, humble simple living man, devout in his religion, was making me feel miserable I was doing well/had money and I did not have his lot in life.  I remember a teacher calling it the Revenge of the Underdog; you are not allowed to kick a hurting dog but it is OK for him to bite you.
He had his convictions, but at the price of a joyless, know-nothing else attitude towards life. He had a sort of minimum wage from God, and in return gave up all the joys of life – joys God also made I must add.

Where is God’s joke in this? God gave him a daughter who wants the maximum. She wants to travel, go to school, see countries, and explore new ideas. She has talent to write and to make music. Father wants her content with his crust of bread; she is keen to attend Life’s banquet. Yes, she was mess (history of mood swings, street living, drugs etc.) but her path in Life will be to go forward, not back to the little world of married/at home/homeschooling children like her father wants her to be.

I’ll try to get her mood swings down to a dull roar, and get her to stop heroin. After that her Great Work begins.

I wanted to post this pitcher I made.

Last weekend our bear club Bears of the West hosted a fund raiser. It was at a store where you buy finished bits of pottery and paint them with glaze. Some of the proceeds went to ‘One in Ten’ which is a gay youth service centre here in Phoenix. It was a fun evening.
I purchased a plain pitcher and got five types of glaze – light blue, dark blue, purple, pink and green. These colours are a combination I learned from a psychic I visited in New Orleans. She said my aura was deficit in these colours and I should surround myself with more of them. Well, I don’t know about that, but I do happen to like this colour combination. One of my homemade shirts has these 5 hues and it makes me feel good to wear it, so perhaps she was accurate.
Rather than painting pictures, I took rough pieces of sea sponge and dabbed the colours onto the pitcher. Someone decorated a plate.
I am pleased at how it turned out. The pitcher has a ‘cool’ feeling to it, just right for holding ice water.

Last evening I ‘made rounds’ on my blog reads. I visit ~ 50 on a regular basis. I try to look at them every day. I don’t always leave comment, particularly if time is limited. It cheers me to see new postings, particularly if the blogger isn’t one to post often. I usually read in the evening. Being on the west coast that often means I am ‘last in line’ to drop a comment at the more popular sites.

Last night Wednesday I did a foolish thing. I had an iced tea with my dinner. This broke one of my rules which is ‘no caffeine after 3PM”. I was wide awake at 1130PM and there was no sleep in sight. I was going to be up for awhile.
Four unexpected hours gave me an opportunity to read new blogs. I felt like Santa Claus, going from house to house while everyone was asleep. I left some comments– these writers who do not know me will be surprised to see me I suppose.
I first started with ‘friends of friends’, the blog names I keep seeing in the majority of links or comments of mutual friends. Some of these were very talented: some were cute as a bug: a few are very popular – one fellow seemed to average 20-30 comments per entry.
Then I got lost. I played a little game with myself. I would go to A, find a link there to a new person B, who would link to C, and so on. As each blog seemed to have a dozen or more links there was no lack of variability.
The further I traveled, the fewer names were recognized. My blogger buddies list  links, but as I wandered away Spo-Reflections was no longer mentioned.
I was in unfamiliar territory. They did not know me and I didn’t know them.

The journey gave me a sense of awe. I truly appreciated the ‘web’ of the WWW. I envision a huge three dimensional model with each person linked to his or her links and so on, in a large criss-crossed mesh with no boundaries. In an infinite universe, every point is the centre.
The Catholic Church believes in a concept called The Communion of Saints, where the Saints of heaven are all connected and interacting with each other. I wonder if our little blogging world is a taste of such.

Like a child who has gone too far away, I longed to be back in the familiar and comfortable. On my way home I was surprised to find one or two other ‘usuals’ were up and posting early this morning. I left a ‘first comment’ of the day, and finally got into bed. Part of sleeping well is the a sense of peace, things are well enough for you to go to sleep. Knowing 50 people (at least) out there who know and care about me lulled me to sleep.

Today’s entry is to rave a bit. If I shock or offend I apologize ahead of time. I try not to be ugly or bitchy in these entries (lest I get phone calls from home). But it is therapeutic to get things expressed.

Rave 1#) Pills.
When did we become a nation so needy for pills? People want pills for this and that and they want more and more of them. Anything goes wrong in their life they call me for more medications. I make sure my patients know there are usually non medicine options to their treatment, or at least adjuncts. Few ever take these alternatives; fewer seem to clean up their habits/lives that contribute so much to their conditions.

On a different note, I am sick of taking my own medicines. But I would be a hypocrite to stop them.

Rave #2) Patients.
How do they expect me to help them when they continue to drink and smoke pot? I don’t have overt issues with alcohol or pot per se but I don’t have issues with sugar either – until you have diabetes. If you have complaints of lack of motivation, depression, no concentration, apathy and loss of sex drive – and smoke daily pot – I can’t fix you.
Dammit, they call it ‘dope’ not ‘smart’.

Rave #3) Politics.
I’m not going to even start.

Rave #4) Premiums.
Recently my liability insurance sent me a letter that had at least four incorrect statements therein. The main zinger was ‘you owe us 7000 dollars’ After a rollercoaster day of emotions it was finally cleared up that they were wrong but you would think that the insurance company would know what the hell they are insuring for in the first place. Bastards.

Rave #5) Plants
In our recent Arizona cold spell most of the outside shrubs and plants died of cold and frost.

Rave #6) Penguins.
The one on the television just exploded. Frightful mess.

Yikes I have a truckload of notes to write tonight. I’ll have just enough time to eat some supper, go for a walk, do my paperwork, and go to sleep – only to wake up and do it all over again. I recall a Japanese film about a couple who live at the bottom of a sandy pit. Every day they have to evacuate the fallen sand that fell the previous night. Over and over repetition. So much of life is like that: the daily routine of the same.

So there is not much time to write this evening.

I recommend you go to Temporary Trouble Spots. Michael Guy recently posted an interview on a podcast. It was good to hear, not only to hear his cheery voice but to here his thoughtful exploration on what blogging means to him. It is inspirational to keep writing.

It reminded me one of the main reasons for starting my blog last February was a desire to write. I did not know what I would write, but I wanted to write something. So it did. The photos and the links/comments came later. Months later, people were actually reading my scribbles – and coming back too. Friendships blossomed: now I seem to be in a network of writers from all over, and all sizes/shapes and sexes.

As year #2 approaches next month, I hope to do more essay writing, and less recording of daily doings recording. We shall see. I don’t have a “Hari Selden plan” for this. In the style of traditional psychoanalysis, free association and expansion lead in time to Truth. What needs to come out will come out; no need to hurry it along.

May your sleep be sound this night – with dreams of fish and turtles from the deep sea

urspo.jpg officially open 8 February 2007 !

I have reached a dry spell: I don’t feel anything creative or thoughtful to write these days. Perhaps I am merely distracted with work and preparations to get out of the country in two weeks’ time. Perhaps the Muses went to Central America a few weeks ahead of me. Let’s hope the Fates went to Ohio rather than Costa Rica.

Yesterday for the first time it snowed in Phoenix!! It didn’t last long but it was snow – a wet heavy type (when you have lived in Michigan you can discriminate snow types like some discriminate fine coffee). It did not stick. It seemed apt for St. Agnes Day, traditionally the coldest month of the year.
Alas, the frost killed the potted pepper plants. Oh well. Time to grow new ones anyway. The tomato seeds germinated but the pepper seeds (so far) have not germinate.

Someone and I started walking this year. When we don’t get to the gym we go for a half hour walk after supper around the neighborhood. I enjoy these walks. My great aunt did this and lived well into her 90s. Walking is excellent for both mind and body.

We had a small Weather Channel Party to await Doug at Gossemer Tapestry’s interview. Doug, you were fabulous! Next time you get Jim Cantorri as the clown who interviewed thought butterflies ‘mammals”?? You handled that well!

In the next four weeks all sorts of events occur; we have our 10th year anniversary, we go to Costa Rica, my blog turns 1 years old in early February. I am also scoping out WordPress as so many people give + feedback on it. I am still figuring out how it works, prior to making a leap.

Claudius the cat is getting old. He sleeps a lot more and seems less active. I wonder if he has a sort of bereavement depression since Tiberius died last September. I wonder if he is lonely.

Now I have paperwork to do. Then I will stretch and read blogs.

Sleep well all, and dream of waterfalls and chocolate ice cream.

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January 2007

Spo-Reflections 2006-2018