I haven’t written Notes from the office lately. Work has been very busy and sometimes the last thing I want to do is spend more time on it.

Patients are curious critters, constantly doing odd things or having bad judgment (I should not be too shocked; after all, they are seeing a psychiatrist).

I have a bunch of “Valium Queens” viz. women taking their tranquilizers like tic-tacs. Then they run out and whine call they have to get more. There are a few patients still not wanting to admit the 8-10 drinks they swill nightly have something to do with their complaints of memory loss.

Speaking of booze, one patient keeps bringing me bottles of wine. I’ve told him a few times not to do so but he doesn’t listen. I am torn between the house rule not to accept gifts, and the admiration he gives really good stuff.  Nevertheless it has to stop, if only for the fact the wine cooler is full.

Another patient is bringing me supplements to take, based on her diagnostic impressions on what I need.

New patients have to wait until March to get an appointment with me, and it is hard for established patients to get in as well. I’ve discovered two consequences of being overworked so booked

  1. people think I must be very good
  2. people get more needy to see me

Patients always know about the latest studies and headlines long before I do. Medical journals tend to lag a few weeks behind announcements to the press. When my JAMA arrives, I get to read what the study really meant.

Here are my own research findings; I hope they are published in some distinguished medical like JAMA or The Reader’s Digest:

Everyone gains weight on Seroquel, but nobody wants to stop it lest they can’t sleep.

Once you start Xanax you are on it for life. End of discussion.

No one believes me when I tell them cognitive therapy helps with insomnia, panic, or OCD.

Straight men have no idea a “cock ring” can help ED just as well as Viagra. They have never heard of such a thing anyway.