It is raining today, a continuous slow dripping precipitation. It is also cool, more like British Columbia than Arizona. Normally inclement weather cheers me up. Today it is not doing its job.

Last week a bad event happened to my career. I apologize  I won’t go into details of what happened, lest ‘they’ are reading. It was a shock – and I instantly recognized it touched all sorts of my emotional buttons, barely healed wounds that have been pressed before and easily done. The event evoked a lot of fears and “worst case” scenarios. My intellectual mind and training tried to assure me I’ve seen this before/I will survive etc. But the raw emotions won out. I recognize it as a sort of post-traumatic stress reaction.  I am still reeling. It was hard to stuff it down and work as if nothing happened.

I trust the issue will sort itself out. Nevertheless, the bad news leaves me with a  ‘what will happen now?’ emotion. I struggle not to succumb to despondency or (worse) a Peter Pan response to run away, dump Medicine, and be a waiter. (Less germs, and less hand to hand combat).

Well, there are will be no sweeping decisions or actions based on PTSD flashbacks. I hope this week is better.

Thank you for listening.

P.S. – written in September, 2017, while editing.
As I read this I have no memory of the matter. Whatever it was it did not leave any stain or consequence. So much is like that. 

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