I find the beliefs of others curious, but I envy their confidence.  Not too long ago a couple of Jehovah Witnesses came a-visiting. I was in the midst of doing some yard work. Interrupting someone at work strikes me as a bad way to start a conversation but they were eager to talk nevertheless. I was dressed in hardly anything; they were dressed as if on their way to the funeral of somebody important. Mildly curious, I allowed them to do their pitch.  Apparently they believe only a few thousand people are going to be in Heaven. “Do you mean to tell me apart from a few thousand people the rest of us are going to hell?”  Well, yes. I’ve concluded JWs are rationalists to the extreme and they are an angry people serving an angry god. Perhaps they are so as they don’t do holidays or drink.
I’ve had no encounters with any door to door Mormons. Perhaps they don’t visit as they assume everyone in Phoenix is Mormon already.  I wouldn’t be surprised to learn they I have written me off as hopeless. Mormons don’t drink, but they do celebrate holidays, so that’s one improvement over the JWs. I am more dubious of Mormons as I suspect they are the main culprits of undermining every anti-gay ballot in the nation. I would love to get hold of some of that fruity underwear, but apparently Ebay doesn’t sell such.  Apparently Mormons believe Jesus stopped by North America on his way to Heaven, to preach to the Indians. I am not sure; perhaps a set of Mormons could stop by to clarify this intriguing concept. Or show me his underwear.
Occasionally the door bell rings and we get a young person flogging something to raise funds for school. Someone tends to buy these items ‘to help out’. We have several books of unused expired coupons for places we never intend to patronize.  “Jewish food stamps” my friend calls them.
Recently at our door was somebody running for a local office. He was going door to door , raising votes. I admired him for his effort – he was a Democrat and doing all of this on his own. We gave him 10 dollars and a bottle of water; for he was out and about in the hot AZ sun.
I miss the Avon ladies, if only to open the door while in my bathrobe, unshaven, and say “Won’t you come in my dear, I’ve been waiting for you!”
Who I want to ring my bell is a nice young man looking for odds and ends jobs to do. I have a constant ‘to do’ lists of putz chores and the arrival of such a savior would be a heartwarming welcome.

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