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Note:  Today I dealt with 72 charts, 20 patients, 4 evaluations, and 2 nervous breakdowns.  This entry is a ‘quickie’ as I am too pooped to write much or profoundly. I’ve told the Muses to take as needed Risperdal and call me in the morning…..

I recently griped to The Personal Trainer (TPT) I don’t feel like I am making progress viz. I am no thinner.  Last weekend I tried on a few of last year’s suits and they remain a bit snug.
He scrutinized my diet for what he calls “cheat meals”. He discovered I was having far more than allowed (one per week). I was mildly scolded my workouts haven’t much of a chance against weekend cocktails (with popcorn) and Sunday night pizzas. It was time to get serious about my diet.

He’s right of course, so I’ve tried to remove more nasty carbohydrates from my diet. I’ve cut down on portions and no late night snacks of cheese.

I am going through withdrawal.

I crave starch. I imagine getting a ‘fix’; when I do it feels fantastic; I feel more at ease and ‘normal’. Afterwards, I feel guilty and vow ‘not again’. I’ve never done cocaine, heroin, MJ etc. and I’ve never smoked cigarettes. So I don’t know first hand what it is like to go off drugs. But what I am experiencing seems like withdrawal to me.  I am caught going to the pantry at night time, looking for a cracker – opening the same drawers a few times like an idiot hoping there will be something there.

I suspect my body will adopt in time. I hope it pays off. Meanwhile I am a tad touchy.

Please don’t mention ‘pasta’…….

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September 2010

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