Psychiatry has a lot of variation. One minute I may be dealing with somebody who can’t stop washing their hands. In the next minute someone comes in with anxiety attacks – or mania, or depression, etc. I have a lot of folks with ADHD.  It is never dull. People bring in their sexual problems as well. Men talk about sex more than women. Women are already talking about sex with their PCP or the OB-GYN.  You may be surprised to learn discussions about men’s sex lives are not very interesting. Other people’s sexual fantasies are overall boring. When someone talks about ‘what floats their boat’ human nature makes the listener imagine his/herself in the scenario. Usually this evokes indifference or disgust, not excitement.

Men don’t usually discuss their sex life with others, nor do they read magazines with such information. More men than ever are spontaneously talking about their sex life and concerns. They often feel they are alone in having this or that sexual matter.  I always bring up sex when interviewing new patients, hopefully to let them know it is an OK topic to discuss.  Besides, if you can’t talk about your John Thomas with your shrink, where can you?

I have a lot of men with concerns about their lack of desire for sex. A lot of this derives from overwork, exhaustion, and stress. Men do too much and then they wonder why they would rather go to sleep than have a cuddle. I am often asked ‘What is the normal frequency for sex?” Few are satisfied with the response “Whatever makes you content”. Men are often worried they are not doing it enough compared to others.*

Occasionally wanting more sex becomes a ‘should’ statement. Men think they are supposed to want sex all the time, and when they don’t, they feel somehow wrong. For straight men this is like admitting you really don’t like football anymore. I have to figure out when to see low sex desire as a problem to be addressed or a matter to assure.


* Once a week seems to be the number I come up with in my research on the topic.