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I haven’t been blogging in a while; it’s been a hellish week at work. There are very upsetting problems there. And I am not at all certain to their outcome.  I am showing signs of stress: nightmares, a loss of appetite, and a general malaise to keep going. I haven’t had much time – or interest – to do anything.  I am sleeping a lot too. And I don’t see any end in sight.

When I see the present so tiresome and the future bleak, I tend to wax nostalgic. This makes me realize I am old, for a young man wouldn’t think like this. I reflect upon the time when I was a boy. Then, the world was less complicated, people more friendly, and things more certain or so it seemed. If I am truly honest with myself, youth was no picnic, and I had just as much angst then as I do today. But it is set, without any “what will happen next?”

I wish I had more courage. In the face of uncertainty and stress, I am not one to stand up and fight, but implode, turn inward, or run away. Alas, I am too old and (for better or worse) too wise to be Peter Pan and fly off from my job, home etc.

I know the task at hand is to keep going and endure. I am not to succumb to despondency. I’ve been through many seasonal depressions and half dozens armageddons and I have survived each and everyone of them. Until then, it is like recovering from a nasty flu – you wish it was over now but there is nothing to do but wait.

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October 2011

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