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While taking my daily 10AM ”yogurt break” I read a ‘Women’s magazine” left behind in the office lounge.  The articles were mostly about self-improvement – and many more were on the topic of ‘How to improve your man”.  These informative items were along the line of ‘How to get your man to be less of a slob and more like the way you want him to be’.  The prose style reminded me of the memos available in pediatric offices for mothers on how to get Junior in line so he doesn’t raise hell at kindergarten.

I was not aware straight women were that unhappy with their hubbies, or men need so much improvement. It made me wonder too why the women didn’t just dump the bastards and go on without them (there was some advice to do just that). Some of the letters to the editor sounded a bit desperate: “My husband laughs like a hyena” and “He picks his nose!” and “He won’t put on shoes to match his suit!”**

So far as I know, there is no men’s magazine available for husbands asking how to deal with their wives.  Perhaps men are more satisfied with their mates. Perhaps they are too busy picking their noses and howling to pick up a pen.

I wonder if gay men have similar angst to change their mates – and where do they write for advice?  I don’t recall reading in the local rags “My partner of ten years still won’t put the dishes in the washer” or “The bitch won’t stop playing those damn Vicky Carr CDs”.

The only consistent complaint I get from patients of the queer sort is sexual discrepancy: “He wants it every day and I want it once a month (or vice versa)”.  They never ask me how they can get their S.O. to loose ten pounds or take out the garbage.

Perhaps they know better to ask me, as the answer is “You can’t.” 


**This one counts towards a divorce in a gay marriage.

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March 2012

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