I frequently have a fancy to run away.
This longing started early in life, thanks to a combination of ferocious reading and the vague terror I was different than others.
There were two elements to disappearing: First there was the ‘running towards’ element. Peter Pan, Alice, Milo, Dorothy, Lucy, countless talking animals, and science fiction characters continually wooed me to go find The Lands Beyond. For allure, their worlds beat my mundane life in Michigan by a country mile (I’ve always had a taste for the exotic and fabulous!).
The other element is ‘running away’. Escape was only solution at the time for being bullied and/or ostracized. For all my longing, I only ran away once, and this was in a peak of temper at my Mother.
My desire to seek out adventure (or at least remove myself from the prosaic) remains a strong one. I get rather tired of myself in the context of who I am. Mind! Life is not bad; I am not unhappy. This desire is about wanting to feel something new and adventuresome.
Now in my middle years I sublimate my ideation to scram through reading, viewing ‘escapist’ movies, and having as many trips as I can do/afford. It is a thrill to be on the eve of a travel day, especially if it is to my favorite haunts like Palm Springs, Flagstaff, Santa Fe, Stratford Ontario, or Key West.
Curious – I am not feeling any anticipation or excitement about next month’s Alaska trip, which is less than a month away. I believe this is because the trip doesn’t yet feel “real”. Someone did all the arrangements; the trip is still only an abstract idea.
To close, here is a bit of “Stolen Child” by Yeats :
Away with us he’s going,
The solemn-eyed:
He’ll hear no more the lowing
Of the calves on the warm hillside
Or the kettle on the hob
Sing peace into his breast,
Or see the brown mice bob
Round and round the oatmeal chest.
For he comes, the human child,
To the waters and the wild
With a faery, hand in hand,
For the world’s more full of weeping than he can understand.
Spo-Reflections 
13 comments
June 5, 2012 at 11:31 PM
Raybeard
Another profound blog, Dr Spo – into which I read a fear of standing still – and hence either missing out on a worthwhile experience or trying to avoid an unpleasant one. However, your present nonchalance about Alaska is puzzling. But as the day approaches I feel sure the adrenalin will start kicking in.
Btw: ‘IDEATION’? – at first I thought you must have mis-typed but, on referring to my Chambers (10th Edition 2003), I thought “Well, I’ll be blowed! – The word IS there!” So, life is verily a learning experience – and I cannot imagine having a more illustrious tutor than yourself, Dr Spo – well, perhaps apart from Dr Johnson.
June 6, 2012 at 2:26 AM
Sean
I have spent my life running as hard and fast as I can to get nowhere. In fact, I feel that the harder I try to run in a new or different direction, the more mired I become in my current status and life. I try to appreciate what and who I have in my life and where I am, but the desire to be “anywhere but here” never fades…it just quiets down from time to time, only to roar again before long. I am a tree that longs to be a bird…
June 6, 2012 at 3:44 AM
Laurent
Well i am flying to Amsterdam today and I have to pack and well it does not feel real yet. Maybe when I am on the plane I will start to feel like we are going somewhere.
June 6, 2012 at 5:23 AM
Scott
What a coincidence, I am feeling that urge to run as well. Do you think we can find accommodations in Oz?
June 6, 2012 at 6:23 AM
Rick
Sometimes while driving on the freeway to work I have an urge to just keep driving and to go as far as my money/credit cards will take me.
June 6, 2012 at 6:27 AM
RuralBeard
Well Spo, an interesting set of thoughts there but I’m more of the opinion that we never run away; we run to-ward…always, without exception. Mind you, running certainly does give on another sense of perspective. By the way, I’m a big fan of Yeats. Here’s a wee link for your enjoyment – and possibly for the enjoyment of fellow readers.
June 6, 2012 at 10:06 AM
Mitchell Block
Well, don’t run in THAT direction. Didn’t Godzilla come out of clouds like those (or is that just some bad dream I’ve had since childhood)?
I love to run away from and to things. But I remember being in a job that was killing me and during my commute singing to myself Tracy Chapman’s “Fast Car.” I’m grateful those days are over, although I have a feeling the running is not.
June 6, 2012 at 10:14 PM
jason
ah…..ditto about the running away. All my favorite childhood books were about running away….oh, and being royalty. 🙂 Still are,
June 7, 2012 at 4:30 AM
Ron
I never had the desire to “run away.” However, from the time I was twelve years old I knew I wanted to live on my own. I remember so clearly how many years I had to endure before I could be on my own. This desire wasn’t because I hated my parents or home life but just the desire for freedom. Ironically, I’ve actually only been “on my own” for about three years since that date in 1953 when I made that decision. After high school I joined the Army. Not really on my own since I was still under the control of others. Then after I got out of the Army I was actually on my own for a couple of years before I met Bill and he insisted that I move in with him. I resisted at first, not because I didn’t like Bill but because I wanted to be on my own. He said he would never see me again unless I moved in with him so I relented and moved in with him. We’ve lived together ever since except for a brief six month period when we were having our new house built and it wasn’t finished but I had sold our previous home. I leased an apartment because I had to have a place to live while I worked while Bill stayed in the unfinished house until it was finished. As soon as it was finished he insisted that I move back with him which I did thus forfeiting the rest of my apartment rental money. Any adventures I’ve had in my adult life were in my various jobs. Maybe someday yet I will get my wish and be on my own. However, I fear that wish will fall under the category “be careful what you wish for.”
June 7, 2012 at 12:58 PM
jefferyrn
It is far better to run to something then to run from it. Focus on the destination not the departure.
June 7, 2012 at 8:42 PM
Java
On my last road trip I contemplated the concepts of traveling away from and traveling toward something. There is a difference. I’ve also had that desire when doing mundane driving around town to _not_ make this or that turn and just continue on the highway out of town. And go for as long as I could afford to. Then find some temporary job until I made enough money to go farther.
I hope the Alaska trip, and the anticipation beforehand, satisfies your longing, at least temporarily.
June 9, 2012 at 1:43 PM
Erik Rubright
Some wise guy once said something about the journey, but I wasn’t listening.
I often wonder about other locations/venues than where I currently am. But I think that once I got there, the only thing that would be different was the venue. Everything else for the most part would be the same. Or so I keep telling myself.
June 12, 2012 at 5:35 AM
Wayne
I totally get this. And the unfortunate thing in my life is the running away had some very strong positive reinforcements. Running got me out of situations of torment. It got me out of a totally confusing Chemistry class. (I took it again and did well, but the feeling of being rid of the torment is still palpable.) And now I find myself wanting the feeling of having the problem “GO AWAY!” I know that running is not healthy, but it is always there.