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This entry is a thoughtful self-reflection: Not to be worrying ! 

Growing up “light in the loafers” makes you quickly familiar with rejection.  Children are more aware and concerned about being different than adults. Even when they can’t sense this intellectually, they feel it. I was no exception. Toss in some Midwest mentality (which makes you assume you are wrong anway) and this makes for an easy neurosis of ‘Nobody likes me’.  This dreadful sensation is not completely unfounded: as a boy I was disliked by many, often with intense antipathy.

Growing up, maturity, years of analysis – and moving away from Midwest – all have helped to remove the teeth on this neurosis. However, the wound is not fully healed. Whenever I sense indifference or rejection I feel the familiar pain.  This stings even in the mildest of social intercourse :

Hearing friends inviting other friends out, but I am not included.

Some one drops me as a friend on Facebook.

A blogger, whom I visit, never reciprocates with a visit or leaves a comment.

Meeting a couple with whom there is an initial ‘click’ only to have this couple drop away.


These are of course, all trivial matters. 99.9% of the time I see this for what it is. All the same; the little boy within me goes right to the  conclusion I have been judged and found uninteresting and/or disagreeable.

You think by now I would be used to it. Alas, at birth some wicked fairy must have showed up and tapped me on the head with its wand and said “Sorry kid, you’re on the B-list”.

In curious contrast I don’t give a damn ‘what the neighbors think’ or society in general.  At work I get rejection all the time, but that is the nature of the job.  These do not faze.  They have in common I don’t want them to like me per se.

While it would be great NOT to feel “No one likes me” emotions anymore, they are at such as dull level they are more a nuisance than a true hurt.

The pang is without real consequence and quickly goes away.

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August 2012

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