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Spo-fans may be surprised to know I own some long ties. Once in a while when I am bored with myself, or have fat fingers unable to tie a proper bow tie, I don a long one.  I know of eight ways to tie them of which four I use regularly, depending on the tie, the collar, and the knot desired.

Eyebrows are raised at work: people are not used to seeing me in long ties. Their style may contribute, for I don’t go for conservative “Brooks Brothers” type ties.  Always a acolyte of colour, I like them bright and bold and strong (like my men).  Whimsical and/or zany patterns predominant over subtle paisleys.

I recently bought these two beauties (for they were ‘two for one’). I’ve fancied having a bright pink I-am-man-enough-to-wear tie.

The yellow one is guaranteed to shock cases of depression immediately into ataraxia.

These two will hang in the closet in a three way with Mr. Red Power tie. The photo doesn’t capture well its bold, bright, shiny red hue.

It is supposed to radiate dominance, but I find it is best used at Christmas parties.

I bought this one at a planetarium. If tied simply, it hangs down to my crotch. Nerds are either very tall or have inadequacy issues.

I use a Half Windsor or Balthus knot for this one, although it creates a lump on my throat the size of a plum.

This is my “Nazi” tie. It was purchased at Neiman-Marcus as a graduation present. One day I walked into a room to interview a patient who had schizophrenia. He immediately jumped up and pointed his finger and shouted “He’s a Nazi! He’s an Nazi!”  I later figured out he had zeroed in on the pattern near the end which resembles of swatizka.  Wow.

One final tie – my “Work out” tie. From a distance it looks like a blue tie with pink and yellow speckles. Close up you see several lifters dancing around in their briefs, lifting weights.   Jolly good fun!

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