I found a condom in my office drawer.
This needs some explanation.

The red squared plastic package surprise was in the upper left hand drawer, in the back, under some old papers, in the desk  used by the nurse practioner. When she quit the desk and room became a  community office for ‘floater’ clinicians like myself.  Over time it has become ‘my office’ and the bosses are poking me to ‘make it my own’. In the process of cleaning out the drawers, I have found several old textbooks, hand cream from the 19th century, several  cable cords, and said Trojan (expiration date 2010).

“My other office”  – or “The Mesa Office” as it is sometimes called –  contains a couch, two chairs, a large metal desk and an empty shelf upon which rests a candle holder.  There is nothing on the walls, which is painted off-white. It is rawhter austere. Patients and bosses comment it lacks elan.  I would make a joke along the line of the ‘Does your dog bite? That is not my dog” routine.

In contrast the “Phoenix Office” is chock full of art/posters, books and knickknacks that positively scream ‘This is the office of Dr.Spo”.  It doesn’t have any condoms in it, but in its upper left hand drawer is a rubber ‘cock ring’.  Straight men with ED problems seldom have heard of such a device, and before they go stampeding to the Viagra tablets, such a simple tool may be just their E-ticket to Disneyland.  They have to be told what it looks like, how to wear it and where to obtain one. All in the line of service.

Which gets me back to the expired condom in the junk drawer in Mesa. I suspect it is there for similar instruction purposes –  I hope.  Out of whimsy I thought of leaving it there, but I don’t want scandalous talk if someone should find it and start thinking in the same way I am thinking about the last clinician who used this office.   Now that these four wall and its contents (condom included) are all officially ‘mine’ I should decorate.  I should rummage at home and try to bring sin omething to make the place less bleak.   Perhaps I can paint the walls with a tint less tedious.

I thought of putting up some padded wallpaper, but you would agree that’s taking a joke too far.

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