This entry is one of bereavement, eulogy, and a bit of a cry….
I discovered through blog-land Big Ruby’s Guesthouse in Key West Florida has closed. This makes me sad.
I first went there in 1990; I was young and anything was possible. I returned nearly every year. As a consequence I have accumulated so many memories. I’ve met most of my long time friends there. It is in Key West I was inspired to make shirts. Some of my best memories with The Best Friend are from these trips.
And of course, this is where I met Someone. If we were to marry, Big Ruby’s would be my first choice.
Like a lot of places with so much joy, I wanted it to stay still and unaltered, waiting for me when I next needed it. And now it is no more. I doubt I will ever go back to Key West. It feels closed.
It touches upon the real issue, which is the passage of time. Big Ruby’s wasn’t a merely a resort, it was a symbol. It contained youth, love, life’s potentials, and so much more. Its demise is another shake up things fade and do no last. I am growing old. Friends I met there are also aged and disappearing on me. And there is nothing at present that has this magic.
After some bereavement I will focus back onto the present and move on. I will try to carry Big Ruby’s with me as I try to live life as well as I can.
I will end this with Mr. Gilbert’s poem “The Lost Hotels of Paris”
The Lord gives everything and charges by taking it back. What a bargain.
Like being young for a while. We are
allowed to visit hearts of women,
to go into their bodies so we feel
no longer alone. We are permitted
romantic love with it’s bounty and half-life
of two years. It is right to mourn
for the small hotels of Paris that used to be
when we used to be. My mansard looking
down on Notre Dame every morning is gone,
and me listening to the bell at night.
Venice is no more. The best Greek Islands
have drowned in acceleration. But it’s the having
not the keeping that is the treasure.
Ginsberg came to my house one afternoon
and said he was giving up poetry
because it told lies, that language distorts.
I agreed, but asked what we have
that gets it right even that much.
We look up at the stars and they are
not there. We see the memory
of when they were, once upon a time.
And that too is more than enough.
29 comments
Comments feed for this article
January 12, 2014 at 12:31 PM
Blobby
That is sad. Big Ruby’s is where I stayed my first trip to Key West. It was a great trip – filled with so many memories – good and bad – as it was one taken knowing that one of us would not be with us in the near future. But Big Ruby’s was the perfect place to experience KW.
As I feared on my last trip, KW is becoming so much less gay and so much more commercialized. It pains me to think there are Hooters, J. Crew, Hard Rocks there now and less independent places to shop and dine. : (
Glad you got to experience it as well. I think I was there in ’92. I can’t quite remember. Maybe ’93.
January 12, 2014 at 12:42 PM
Laurent
Often memories are the best place to keep our vision of things. I have many memories and it makes me nostalgic but it also brings back many happy moments and gives me a smile. I do not want to go back to places where I use to live because I am afraid that it will be so changed as to make me sad.
January 12, 2014 at 12:58 PM
Urspo
That’s a good point; it isn’t just Big Ruby’s, it is Key West in general. I suppose the irony is a positive one; there are less ‘gay resorts’ as there is ‘less need’ to be apart. Yet, it is fun to go to a queer place; it is hardly fun to hang out with a group of shriners. Michael
January 12, 2014 at 12:59 PM
Urspo
That is why I love this poem. It reminds me the experience is a marvelous thing; it is more important to have it than to hold on to things. Michael
January 12, 2014 at 3:13 PM
Laurent
Exactly my point, look at my postings on Rome. It is with me even on a terrible winter dark and cold day.
January 12, 2014 at 1:42 PM
Michael Dodd
There is Zen wisdom in the line
“We look up at the stars and they are
not there. We see the memory
of when they were, once upon a time.”
Because it is not just the stars, is it?
January 12, 2014 at 1:52 PM
Barb
The older you get, the more this happens. Hard to think of those special markers of life being no more. Where will the special spots of the next generation be? And will they be as special?
January 12, 2014 at 5:26 PM
Gerry H
I’m sure they’ll be there and will be special to the new generation. And with luck and good fortune we’ll make new memories. When we were in Paris last, my “Someone” was looking for a bistro remembered from an earlier trip. After walking around the neighborhood, we found the building. The name had changed, management was new, but the food was excellent and we spent a magical afternoon making new memories. We often talk about that afternoon and have written the address down for the next trip.
January 12, 2014 at 1:54 PM
David Jeffreys
You said, “I am growing old. Friends I met there are also aged and disappearing on me.”
Now add 20 years and the multiplication table and you will arrive where I am! You and Someone continue to live life to the fullest because you are still in the prime of life.
January 12, 2014 at 2:43 PM
Ron
Absolutely right David, Dr. Spo and Someone have decades of memories yet to be made. I’ll take 50 again. 🙂
January 12, 2014 at 3:16 PM
Laurent
Ron, Allow me to wax philosophical, every age has its time, it is like a flower in bloom, every season has its flowers and its blooms, so there is always something new, we only have to look for it.
January 12, 2014 at 2:37 PM
William Fregosi
Fritz and I were there the once, with you and others. The good times we had were because of the guys in our group — certainly not the weather — and we exhausted what one could do in the cold with no real access to beaches or activities on the water. But we did have a lot of fun with everyone in our group and that’s what I will remember.
January 12, 2014 at 2:42 PM
Ron
Always sad when the physical presence of a fond, life changing landmark is no more. I have experienced this sad sense of loss more than a few times in during my tenure. Recently on my visit to Philadelphia I saw where the venerated Westbury Bar, a gay landmark in Philly, is now…..wait for it….a drugstore! But you know what I do? I get up, dust myself off and create new fond memories, specifically the Bloggerpalooza! Cheers! 🙂
January 12, 2014 at 2:57 PM
Willym
It is sad when a place that you hold dear is not more – particularly when it holds memories of turning points in your life. But you do have your memories and they will keep it alive.
Or even just places that you had enjoyed and wanted to enjoy again. On our recent trip to Barcelona we had it all arranged – in our minds at least – to go back to a restaurant where we had an incredible lunch and were treated like old friends. When we arrived we discovered it had become a place for industrial ice cream, Hostess potato chips and coke for the passing tourist trade on their way to the Gaudi Park. The owner sadly told us that there was no call in the area for his type of restaurant – it was now all fast food.
January 12, 2014 at 3:08 PM
Urspo
what a sad metaphor.
January 12, 2014 at 3:19 PM
Laurent
Wait a minute here, we found another nice little neighbourhood restaurant and though it was different the food was very good and the experience different, but nonetheless pleasant. This is what memories are made of.
January 14, 2014 at 3:52 AM
Mitchell is Moving
The passage of time… I never stayed at Big Ruby’s but do remember it. A Key West institution.
January 14, 2014 at 7:42 AM
jefferyrn
I feel your loss. Many of my favorite place have closed their doors. It presents an opportunity to find new ones and make new memori
January 15, 2014 at 9:21 PM
Erik Rubright
I never have experienced “gay” Key West. I went there as a child with my parental units several times, but never as an adult. Sad.
February 10, 2014 at 11:37 PM
eprobono
I accidentally came across your post regarding Big Ruby’s closing and like you it feels like I’ve lost a good friend.
My tradition was to meet up with several friends from around the US and UK to spend the Christmas and New Years holidays in Key West. Some of us stayed at Big Rubys, others at Sea Isle, Island House, Curry House or the Equator. We all visited each other at the various resorts and by the end of the two weeks we pretty much knew everyone staying at all the guesthouses, and became friends with the owners and staff.
Big Ruby’s was particularly well managed at that time. The owners, George and Frank, ran a tight ship, and held the staff to high standards. They sold the place in the late 1990’s and moved to Arizona and then to Palm Springs. I lost track of them when they left Palm Springs, however.
My last visit to Key West was 1999 – a bitter cold wave swept through the Keys that year and we all nearly froze to death. None of the guest houses had heating and we tried to use our hair dryers to warm our rooms.
On New Years Eve we welcomed in the new millennium with Shushi on Duvall Street and the next day we all left and went back to our respective homes.
By that time Key West had already began to lose it’s campiness as the cruise ships began to stop there to unleash their middleclass, middle-age, hetero passengers into our territory. That was the first step in Key West’s “Orlando-ization”.
Those were fun times. Big Ruby’s closing is the period at the end of a very nostalgic chapter in my life.
February 11, 2014 at 3:55 AM
Urspo
Well said !
I too remember frank and George. I have a friend in San Diego who knows them now ; they are retired there,
I thank you for sharing your memories which match mine closely
February 11, 2014 at 8:01 PM
eprobono
Thanks for the update on Frank and George. I seem to remember Frank was having a few health challenges, so it’s good to know he pulled through those and is enjoying retirement in SD.
February 11, 2014 at 8:33 AM
Ron
“..we tried to use our hair dryers to warm our rooms.”””” Now I know why I wasn’t part of the elite gay crowd to wintered in Rubys. Never owned a hair dryer in my life. Thanks for solving that puzzle that has mystified me all these years. 🙂
February 11, 2014 at 7:54 PM
eprobono
Ron,
I don’t own a hair dyer either. Lucky for us George and Frank stocked them in the rooms!
Don’t know if we were elite — we only felt like it when we were together in KW. When we went back home we were once again just teachers, real estate agents, IT geeks, etc … just workin’ stiffs like everyone else.
From the sound of it you probably would have fit in with us — all we required was a great sense of humor.
February 11, 2014 at 8:34 AM
Ron
Ooops! Correction. Actually I think I did own a “hair dryer”, I used my towel. No wonder my gay card was revoked. 🙂
February 19, 2014 at 7:41 AM
Mark
Just found out about Big Ruby’s today. It is indeed sad, Frank and George were amazing hosts and built a nice business. We continued to go back and lived through several management changes, but it was always “home” and the house staff made us feel welcomed. We were there during the buy out and the only thing I will say was that we were assured several times that things were going to remain basically the same..well guess that didn’t happen because they didn’t even keep the name. Yes Key West has changed but there is still a lot that is the same and that we find attractive enough to want to return, just seems like we are going to have to look for a new home. RIP Big Ruby’s!
April 26, 2014 at 3:31 AM
Phil
Heartbreaking news. As a Brit I had always wanted to visit Key West and Big Ruby’s was a big adventure for me. I had two week long vacations there in consecutive years – my first ended with me getting the last flight out before the hurricane came through and my second was the following year just after they opened Orlando airport after another hurricane (I never learn!). That second trip was to rendezvous with a couple of guys I’d met the previous year and when I got there, there was also a bunch of Brits that had also been there the previous year – a testament to the loyalty of the clientele.
The staff were great, Key West itself was breathtaking. RIP Big Ruby’s – thanks to you I made some lifelong friends and memories I’ll cherish forever.
Urspo – thanks for this blogpost !
October 28, 2014 at 6:54 PM
Michael Maxson
My partner and I first went to Big Rubys in 1996.. George and Frank where awsome host.. We would go back for a week every year for 10 + years.. We always meet others at the pool and would end up going to dinner with them then out to the bars or to Atlantic shores on Sunday’s for the tea dance. We will both cherish our memories of Big Rubys, now I know it’s true, nothing good last for ever..
I wonder where the boys are now?
🌴🍹
October 29, 2014 at 5:57 AM
Urspo
I last heard they are retired and living in San Diego. I know a friend who knows them; he told me so. I asked him to pass on ‘hello’; but they did not return the salutation.
Michael