Next weekend we drive to Utah for a four day-long weekend and I hope I am prepared. While planning what to bring I catch myself in an emotional state similar to the sensation of going to a foreign country where they don’t speak English – or where I am not entirely welcome. My intellect tells me this is all nonsense and ignorance-based, but my emotions tell me to find my passport and exchange money.

As you may surmise, this is my first trip to Utah and it is giving me some heebie-jeebies viz. I will be in The Land of Mormons. I should be used to ‘being among saints” as there is no lack of them in Phoenix/Mesa. AZ  is pretty red (and doesn’t lack conservative zaniness) but Utah strikes me as red a blood.

I musn’t judge ahead of time.  Lots of people go to Utah and return unscathed and still Catholic.  All the same, I don’t know how true is the rumored hardship to get a cup of tea/coffee or a cocktail. It is fortuitous my last name is prominent in LDS history and quickly recognizable.**  On the other hand having Someone as my good wife may make them doubt my LDS credibility. I hope we are not run out of the state.


Someone, always the sensible one, is of the opinion this is all rubbish. Nevertheless I am bringing a flask of proper whisky (no rubbish) and I recommend he bring a case of his beloved Diet Coke. I wonder if the water is any good.


I plan to dress us in white shirts and black ties surmounted by bike helmets and pass us off off as “natives”.

Either this ‘works’ – or if we will be shot – or baptized.





**When Brother #4 went to SLC for a summer job, he was amazed how people treated him as a celebrity. After two weeks he was using Mother’s maiden name as he was sick of the attention.