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Spo-fans may recall last May Urs Truly was persuaded by The Bad Influence to get my first (and so far only) pedicure. My toes were painted red and green, as in port and starboard (as you leave the harbor). Being a scientist I decided to use the opportunity to see how long it takes toenails to grow out and lose their lustre.  Like retreating full moons , the colours have waned to two crescents of kelly green and cherry red.

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So my little experiment reveals it takes nine months for toenails to grow out and replace themselves. **

Try to tell as many people as you can in town.

In a way I am glad to see them go. I was never comfortable taking off my socks at the gym lest I get sardonic looks. Truth be told no one ever asked about them, other than The Good Doctor who questioned my reasoning during my latest routine checkup.  Being a rationalist he thought I could have saved the effort by googling the question “how long does it take for toenails to grow”. Thanks to this, I can’t publish my finding in JAMA or NEJM. It is another example of ‘it’s all been done before’.

I suppose I am open to getting another pedicure, if The Bad Influence should have another visit. Meanwhile I remain butch without polish.

Perhaps 2015 is the year for taking the bold step of getting a tattoo. I insist on hiring only the best; I don’t want no rubbish. This means flying out Mr. Rubright (all expenses paid) to AZ, although he may have a devil of a time lugging the equipment and  rubber ducks by TSA at the airport.  Perhaps it is better for me to go to Arkansas.  I can come back with a tattoo and a fresh coat of toenail polish to boot, if they have such places in Arkansas.

 

** Mine anyway.