I had a recent discussion with a patient about his wife* who last year suffered an unfortunate accident when a stone went flying off a gravel truck while she was driving on the highway. A pebble hit her windshield with a sudden sharp ‘whack’ which shattered the glass some, which caused her to startle and panic and swerve the car into the next lane where she hit another car. Apparently this cascade of events has resulted in a plethora of lawsuits ranging from the suing the company that owns the truck to the third party who is suing his wife. He explained his spouse was struggling with guilt viz. the stone event was a punishment from karma, Heaven, or whatever. He said “Americans believe we are born entitled to a good life, and when bad things happen we can’t accept it. We slip on some slush and we see it as the fault of others”.
Human beings want meaning in their lives; it is an unacceptable notion things “just happen’. Bad weather is a sign of God’s wrath (remember Pat Robertson’s hurricane hypothesis?). An airplane crash is scrutinized for what caused it – not only to make meaning but to attribute blame.
Is there any more ‘bad luck”?
A woman is in the wrong place at the wrong time, and a loose brick falls on her head, and all it is bad luck. It is not the wrath of the gods, or a sign she was a bad person (and therefore she deserved it) or (worse) she somehow attracted this to her for the universe to teach her a lesson. There isn’t a trio of demi-gods spinning her thread destining her to ruin. It is merely bad luck, with no meaning for it.
People don’t like this. Americans are perhaps more uncomfortable than others on this notion. They want – need? – an explanation.
Psychiatry continues to struggle giving up this belief. The basis of Freudian theory is through analysis you can find the origins and explanations for human feeling and behaviors. If you have OCD, depression, anxiety, or schizophrenia you spent a lot of time ‘trying to get to the cause”. To not do this was heresy (and I use that word purposely).
Sometimes I counsel patients quit spending any more time trying to solve the mystery why something has happened and focus on what are you going to do about it.
And drop the “I was destined or deserved this” snuffbumble.
We all want meaning in our lives, and we will make up something rather than live without explanation. Nevertheless it would do us good to sometimes accept something as good or bad luck and leave it at that. There is no need to sue the manufacturer of the soap you slipped upon in the shower, nor is there need to attach cosmic judgment or significance to it. You pick yourself up, rub your sore bum, attribute it to bad luck, and remind yourself to put down a rubber mat next time you take a shower why don’t you.
* For privacy sake, I changed the details.
27 comments
April 14, 2015 at 11:13 PM
Jean
Yours is an old fashioned view of bad luck, of which I thoroughly approve.
However, it wouldn’t keep the legal profession in smart suits and fine whisky.
“Where there’s blame there’s a claim” and suddenly a simple accident becomes a money spinner.
April 15, 2015 at 7:10 AM
Urspo
Smarts suits and fine whisky – a marvelous expression! Is it yours?
April 15, 2015 at 7:16 AM
Jean
Possibly. It just popped into my head as I was writing, but that might be because I’ve heard it elsewhere.
April 15, 2015 at 12:14 AM
anna mutton years
Very wise. I tripped on a pavement yesterday. Wearing flats so could only be pavements fault. Will not sue pavement btw. My hub said, ‘you just weren’t paying attention ‘. How much bad luck is not paying attention?
April 15, 2015 at 7:10 AM
Urspo
Indeed. How much ‘bad luck’ is avoidable (if we were paying attention) is a good question.
April 15, 2015 at 3:11 AM
Paul Brownsey
Great stuff.
Relatedly, when people say, “Everything happens for a reason,” they usually mean, not that just that each thing that happens has a cause (the truck swerved because the tire got slashed going over an outcrop of rock), but that each thing that happens is Planned for you, is Meant to reward you or punish you or teach you a lesson.
From the ridiculous to the sublime… I notice you used “bum”. I thought Americans used “ass ” and Brits used “bum” (or “arse”). When I was a boy in England we used to giggle at the American song, “Hallelujah, I’m a bum” or when we heard reference to “the bums on skid row”. Looks like there’s been a British linguistic invasion. Probably carried in on the back of Obamacare.
April 15, 2015 at 7:13 AM
Urspo
I had to reread my entry, as I didn’t recall using the word ‘bum’ – where was it? I learned ‘bum’ in the 70s watching Monty Python, and The Goodies, and other BBC-TV imports. I carry a bum-bug, not a fanny-pack. Believe it or not, Yanks use the work ‘bum’ rather than ass or arse as it is deemed more polite!
April 15, 2015 at 7:16 AM
Paul Brownsey
It came right at the end: “You pick yourself up, rub your sore bum, attribute it to bad luck, and remind yourself to put down a rubber mat next time you take a shower why don’t you.”
April 15, 2015 at 3:23 AM
David
My grandmother – “what did you do to deserve that”
My grandfather – “Shit happens, get over it”
In defense of lawyers, it is very difficult to get some clients to accept that bad things happen to good people and to get on with their life. I have had a few over the years get very upset when I told them the law couldn’t change their life (I suggested that one of them needed a psychiatrist not a lawyer – she really did.)
April 15, 2015 at 7:14 AM
Urspo
I suspect you as an attorney must see some pretty sordid demands and expectations, down to the base level of child-like demands for justice viz. he hurt me he must be punished.
April 16, 2015 at 4:23 AM
David
And you, demands to cure me, make me perfect, you must have a magic pill that makes me 18 again.
April 15, 2015 at 3:51 AM
anne marie in philly
pat robertson deserves to be removed from this planet by a hurricane (just sayin’)!
April 15, 2015 at 5:14 AM
Mitchell Block
Thanks for this post. That “reward and punishment” mentality drives me crazy.
April 15, 2015 at 7:15 AM
Urspo
Alas, it seems alive and well and flowering again here in the USA.
April 15, 2015 at 5:16 AM
truthspew
I understand the universe is just a product of random chance and nothing more. So I have a fundamental understanding that the world isn’t perfect and that bad shit happens on occasion. It’s completely random too.
April 15, 2015 at 5:18 AM
truthspew
Oh and regards slipping on slush and ice – I almost filed suit against the city I live in. For you see it was the cities responsibility to clear such slush and ice and they failed to do so. I allowed my state rep to talk me out of the suit though.
April 15, 2015 at 5:40 AM
Paul Brownsey
Further thoughts, I’m afraid.
I think there are two questions involved here:
(a) Was my road crash due to any divine or cosmic agency punishing me? Was it the inevitable outcome of bad deeds of mine like that adultery at the conference last autumn?
(b) Is any human agency or institution to blame for my road crash, to blame either by what it did or by what it failed to do?
There’s no inconsistency in answering No to (a) but Yes to (b). Sure, my cancer didn’t happen because God or the universe was punishing me for my support for same-sex marriage, but it might have happened because my bosses in the electricity industry were lax about safety in relation to nuclear energy. If the latter is the case, I don’t see why one shouldn’t go after the bosses.
April 15, 2015 at 11:48 AM
Ron
As usual, you explain with common sense the random vagaries of life. However, I am convinced that Wayne ( aka “The Cajun”) pushed me last Feb. 18th when I fell on the ice and injured my leg.
April 15, 2015 at 4:38 PM
Urspo
Are you being haunted by Wayne?
April 15, 2015 at 6:39 PM
Ron
Yes, Wayne is haunting me.😳
April 15, 2015 at 5:55 PM
buckeyeinrichmond
Reminds me of a Facebook post that I plagiarized.
Everything happens for a reason. And sometimes the reason is you’re stupid and make bad decisions.
April 15, 2015 at 6:42 PM
jayinrva
I agree with you 100%. It just can be bad luck. And if there is a God who looks out for us, why did he drop a jersey wall section off a bridge and onto a car carrying a young youth minister, his wife, and 8-month-old child, killing all 3? He sure failed. So yeah, bad luck, but you can bet there will be extensive analysis and blame-placing, and probably some lawsuits. Tragic, but not deliberate. Nor caused by anything but bad luck.
Peace ❤
Jay
April 15, 2015 at 7:47 PM
Old Lurker
Methinks a certain Spo has been letting his Calvinism lapse, and should be castigated by being made to read The Purpose-Driven Life three or four times.
April 15, 2015 at 9:04 PM
Urspo
I am recusant.
April 16, 2015 at 1:14 AM
Dray Bosma
People just have the tendency to make all things personal.
April 16, 2015 at 1:14 PM
fearsomebeard
True words my dear Spo.
April 16, 2015 at 3:32 PM
jason
Well, as a habitual looker for meaning in everything, I have to realize that sometimes there is no meaning to it all.
But this is hard for me, I have to admit.