It is an integral part of my summer, like blueberries and solar tea: every July my medical news-sites send me a repeating quiz-lecture titled: “Bug bites you need to know this summer”.  This is a series of photographs of nasty red infections on various limbs, each followed by a gigantic in-your-face creepy-crawlie picture that makes me leap back.  The identification of bug bites is a topic generally skipped over in psychiatry, so I am grateful I suppose for the yearly refresher course on the grounds I don’t want sound stupid when a patient offers me his arm for an opinion on what bit him, only to say ‘And how does that make you feel?”. 

In general, bug bites are nasty and please don’t get one and if you do happen to get one for goodness sake have a proper doctor examine it or at least put some ice on it why don’t you. Try to tell as many people as you can in town.

I thought as a public education this little lecture on some more interesting bites that may occur. Pay attention now you might learn something.

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Rats 

Rat bites are very nasty and often mistaken for insect bites. You can tell the difference between them as rats are mouse-like furry shaped things while insects are small and don’t have whiskers or tails. Tewksbury rats have the worst bites so it is best to avoid anything to do with them.

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Griffons 

Griffon bites are not subtle. They are noticeable for suddenly gone missing limbs or heads. If you suspect you have been bitten by a griffon it is best to go right away to a Dungeons and Dragons healer for resurrection.

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Triffids 

These ‘bites’ are actually more like sudden lashes against the skin, usually against the face and with a sudden surge of the soundtrack.  Triffids are not found on North America but in certain provence of France or in B-movies.

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Grindrbeasts 

Their love bites range from a small single blemish on the neck to multiple wounds especially around the nipples or in the groin region. Compresses help, as does blocking them.

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Vampire Bats

But they are so cute so what’s the price of a two small puncture wounds?

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Fire sign males 

Them’s born under these ardent signs of the zodiac need repeated reminders biting’s no good. Otherwise they are nice sorts. Please don’t feed them buns and things.

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