I grew up in a suburb with a reputation for being rich. I wondered if we were rich too but Father verify yes or no. He would no more talk about his income than his sex life. This left me clueless. I felt worried we were penniless and/or we were rich as Roosevelt. This was never clarified.
If I compare myself to other physicians, I am at the bottom of the barrel when it comes to salary. If I compare myself to the nation I am quite on top. I remain confused as to my status in life.
Urs Truly has never strived for possessions or status. As a jet-set “A” list rich-bitch doctor from Gross Pointe ,MI I am a total flop.My car is a 2001 Honda; my clothes are purchased at Land’s End and they are worn until threadbare.
Last weekend I attended a reception at my late uncle’s opulent country club. It made a five-star hotel look like a Red Roof Inn. Here’s what I found going into the Men’s room:
The Men’s Room at the club.
As I walked around the joint, I knew I was among the “1%”, those holly-rollers I’ve heard so much about but never have seen until now.* I had a sense I was trespassing. I had crashed a party, the type of which I am not a member nor welcomed.
Truth be told I haven’t a clue what is ‘rich’. I certainly don’t feel such. I am forever watching my pennies. Other than basics, I don’t buy fancy things or covert status symbols.
Maybe I know the definition of rich. When I was a boy while walking in the woods I found a twenty-dollar bill. For the first – and only time – in my life I had more money than I knew what to do with it. I suppose that is as good as definition of ‘rich’ there is.
After the lavish reception of imperial tidbits and a very expensive scotch** I drove back to town. There, I shared supper and good cheer with my brother, my cousin, and my friends. This felt rich too, in its way. We five had glasses of the house wine and not the bottles priced hundreds of dollars. They were not wanted or necessary.
*They seclude themselves from view in gated communities and faraway resorts. There they never need to see their fellow man, only their fellow millionaires.
**I was given the most generous serving of a 15 year Glenfidditch. I estimated it was approximately fifty dollars worth of booze in my glass.
Spo-Reflections 
35 comments
February 23, 2016 at 10:16 PM
Steven
Ok I’m a little confused here (you should be used to that by now) when you say men’s room, do you mean the potty? I mean that looks like a place to take your buddies and watch football or hockey, not go tinkle. Or do you mean men’s room as in get away from the wives for a drink?
February 23, 2016 at 10:41 PM
Urspo
This is the first room as you enter the men’s lockerroom. Therein is a full restaurant, a lounge, a bar, and tv. Off this common room are the locker rooms, the Loo, a spa, a barbershop room, and a poker room.
February 24, 2016 at 5:56 AM
Steven
A “poker room”?? Oh my!! 🙂
February 23, 2016 at 11:11 PM
becomingmenaturally
WOW! And I have heard men complain that the ladies room is nicer than the mens room. All we have is a couch, soap and towels 🙂
February 24, 2016 at 7:12 AM
Urspo
I showed the photo to one of the member’s wives, who had never been in there. From her looks I suspect there will be talk viz. what they got in their loo ain’t nothing like this.
February 24, 2016 at 10:49 PM
becomingmenaturally
HMMM….I see new ladies quarters on the way.
February 24, 2016 at 1:09 AM
annatvshopaholic
Sounds like one of those outside of the world looking in moments. I have those when I eat at Cafe rouge. I’d rather have fish and chips with friends or pub grub then pretentious. I think I like you.
February 24, 2016 at 4:54 AM
anne marie in philly
EVERYONE likes spo! he’s humble and lovable.
February 24, 2016 at 7:13 AM
Urspo
and well over four feet.
February 24, 2016 at 7:13 AM
Urspo
Sitting a little distance from others/oneself is a marvelous objective way to ponder life and the situation. I think I like you too!
February 24, 2016 at 4:33 AM
Kato
When I first stumbled across your blog one aspect which I found really appealing was your insights into a life so different to that of my own. Reading your latest entry makes me wonder if the environments we grew up in – with upper middle class privileged white person values – could have had many similarities. I, like you, am a chameleon. I went to an elitist school and can blend into that scene – but generally choose not to. I am so much more left wing than my family and childhood peers. As a young adult you seem like someone who had lots of secrets, identity issues and a shortage of kindred spirits. You weren’t like the people you grew up with. Even though you liked them. My identity issues weren’t related to sexuality. I needed to make sense of things living with undiagnosed bipolar. And the similarities stop there.
I possibly enjoy your blog so much because your values seem similar to mine And you help me to think and grow in directions that I perceive to be important.
February 24, 2016 at 7:14 AM
Urspo
Oh good! I hope these scribblings do more than entertain.
February 24, 2016 at 4:52 AM
David
Living the way you want is a rich life. My father has never understood why I haven’t spent the past 20-years chasing every dollar I could make – but he sees someone who is happy and finds meaning in his work, and works with people he likes and enjoys being around. Richness in spirit or richness in possessions?
February 24, 2016 at 4:56 AM
anne marie in philly
people rich in possessions are NEVER happy, imho.
February 24, 2016 at 4:58 AM
anne marie in philly
I thinks I’ll take me drinks into the loo, and then the showers! weird!
February 24, 2016 at 6:05 AM
Steven
There was a recent remodel here as well. I never did understand it other than to do illegal gambling in private. I love your closing paragraph….all the money in the world can’t buy that! 🙂
February 24, 2016 at 6:46 AM
fearsomebeard
One is as rich as one chooses to be. Rich is more a state of mind than a state of wallet.
February 24, 2016 at 7:14 AM
Urspo
indeed.
February 24, 2016 at 6:53 AM
larrymuffin
Too often we confuse rich in a consumer way with rich in a life way. The rich you speak of is Bank accounts, investments, big house and fancy car. My car is a Hyundai 5 yrs old, but I am not poor. It’s a clean car and am happy with it. I also think that the definition of rich is multiple, Europeans may pursue consumer wealth but I saw wealth being measured in Education and knowledge, a good name, personality, human qualities. Here in North America we seem to stop at the dollar and then everything else will follow. No it does not you can have a big bank account but no education, no vocabulary, you could be a boor, no manners, rude, immoral, but you are rich. What is the point of that? I would not associate with wealthy people who only have money and no taste and or education. Sure the photo you show us of the Men’s room is interesting, I notice that on the table plastic condiment items, French mustard? Oh my! No this is a false picture of wealth, a pretend wealth, it says ”look what I can buy” I do not think you could have an interesting or intellectually stimulating conversation with the member of the club.
Spo thank God you do not belong there, you have so much more in your life account.
February 24, 2016 at 7:16 AM
Urspo
Yes, I know this.
All the same I would like some more in the bank account to consider retirement to appreciate more the contents of the life account. hohoho
February 24, 2016 at 7:05 AM
Michael
“The man [or woman!] who knows he has enough is rich,” according to the Tao Te Ching. I grew up thinking we were poor because my parents always said we were. Both were Depression-era people who had in fact been quite poor. Later I realized that we were QUITE comfortably lower-upper-middle class. In the monastery I learned that richness of life (and poverty of same) has little to do with income or possessions. Today I am married to a millionaire (former share partner in a billion-dollar international law firm) and we shop for clothes at thrift stores and buy store brands of food more often than not. He grew up on a farm and developed habits of frugality. It is a good match with the monastic training I received. We are blessed not because we are rich but because we know we have enough. And when we go, there will be some to hand on to others.
And we are rich enough to know that most people are not, that too many do not have enough and we vote for those who will help the ones who need help, not the ones who already have plenty and beyond.
PS — I am reading a book about serious studies of taste/flavors. There is ample scientific evidence that high-priced wines not only do not taste better than more reasonably priced bottles, but that the less expensive wines consistently do better in blind taste tests by internationally renowned experts. For a weird read: GULP by Mary Roach. You will also learn more than you ever wanted to know about people who test-taste things like cat food.
February 24, 2016 at 7:18 AM
Urspo
These are marvelous things you say, and apropos for Lenten contemplation.
Your GULP reference reminds me of an AbFab scene in which Patsy berates Eddy for buying a bunch of awful art. Eddy explains the rubbish cost her hundreds of thousands of pounds, to which Patsy replies “Oh, in that case it’s marvelous.” 🙂
February 24, 2016 at 3:18 PM
Kato
So many people who are privileged don’t realise it.. because there are always people who seem to have more. I am aware how fortunate I am. I have an incredible husband who loves and values me – in spite of my erratic past behaviours and deficits. What we want for our boys is different to what out parents wanted for us.
February 24, 2016 at 8:55 AM
Dave
“I grew up in a suburb with a reputation for being rich … This was never clarified.”
This attempt at being coy is so unbecoming! I can hear Claude and Doris Upson, and daughter Gloria exclaiming ‘Top drawer’ in your direction this very minute;-)
On the subject of the affluent, whenever I hear someone opine that money can’t buy happiness, I respond be that as it may, I’m almost certain it has the power to secure a very longterm lease on it. Call me shallow;-)
February 24, 2016 at 9:38 AM
Urspo
I think it was Mrs. Howell of “Gilligen’s Island” who said: People who say money can’t buy happiness don’t know wear to shop.
February 24, 2016 at 5:37 PM
Old Lurker
I consider you rich. In addition to making approximately ten times as much as I do per year, you also have nice subscriptions to symphonies and opera and theatre companies. You take trips to exotic lands like Palm Springs and Ontario. You buy fine whiskeys as dictated by your Internet boyfriend Ralfy. You also have a Someone, which cannot be an inexpensive pasttime. None of these things are bare necessities, and all are to some degree status symbols.
Mind ! I do not envy you your wealth. To the contrary, I live vicariously through you. But there is little question which social class suits you best.
February 24, 2016 at 8:07 PM
Urspo
How odd that all sounds when you put it like that.
We buy the cheap seats.
Palm Springs is a road trip;
I have never heard ‘exotic’ and “Ontario” used in the same sentence.
Someone is a cheap date.
You got me on the whiskeys – although I won’t buy anything over 100$ (there are a lot of status bottles costing thousands!).
I guess it gets down to the definition of a status symbol – not once have I ever used these things to laud over others or to impress. These are merely the things I find enjoyable and about the same pleasure as cheez-wiz, and shopping at thrift stores.
February 24, 2016 at 8:56 PM
Kato
I consider you rich too, just like I consider myself rich. Not filthy rich but certainly rich. My husband and I own most of our home. We have two reliable cars. We live in an area that is great for raising a family. We can afford private health insurance. We can make ends meet without stressing about bill payments. We have fun holidays. Most of our choices aren’t primarily influenced by finances. It’s okay being rich. We’re lucky. Circumstances could have so easily been different.
February 24, 2016 at 6:31 PM
truthspew
I grew up middle class – both parents worked. Even then sometimes it was spaghetti and garlic for dinner. Now I’m making six figures, hate my boss but living much better.
February 24, 2016 at 8:01 PM
Urspo
the spaghetti with garlic sounds lovely.
February 24, 2016 at 10:32 PM
Tahoe girl
I think, you’re as rich as you feel. You have someone you love and a good life. You have you’re health, which is priceless . So it’s all perspective, really.
Just for perspective, I was born in the Bronx . Later when we moved to ‘the country’ about an hour or so from NYC, we lived in a very shabby house. I grew up on Welfare and food stamps. My father was in an out, an alcoholic, but never supported us. I came home from school with no food in the refrigerator. So it’s all perspective. Now, I’m older, have an incurable blood cancer( but my new treatments are going exceedingly well, thank you,) but we still, my husband and I, don’t have a lot of money but really we are very rich indeed. We have each other, 2 wonderful children and what else is there really!!
You have your loved one, food on your table( or fridge), a job you are great at… So it’s really perspective , isn’t it.
February 26, 2016 at 7:54 AM
Urspo
yes it is perspective.
“I am content” is a phrase few use, too bad as it makes Life so wonderful.
February 25, 2016 at 11:46 AM
Rich F*cker | Fearsome Beard
[…] by another blogger, today I contemplate being […]
February 25, 2016 at 11:23 PM
becomingmenaturally
True I will never be disgusting rich but as I pay off the last of my debt I will be comfortable as I grow older(I am 46 now so still a way off from retirement). But I consider myself rich beyond mean in other ways. I have three wonderful children who while I put them through Catholic grade school and high school they have succeeded in College or beyond. I have a son who is a teacher, a daughter who is going for her masters in Art restoration and museum science and already works at a museum in our city and they youngest who is going to nursing school for her BSN with an eye towards having her hospital pay for her to become a trauma Nurse and eventually a Nurse practitioner. They have plans.
I am blessed to have my mother still alive and to have her living with me(most days that’s a blessing 🙂 ) I have a beautiful toddler niece that I love more than anything and nephews I adore and love. I have good friends. My home isn’t a mansion but it is paid for. My car is well cared for and again paid for. Sure I could complain about my lacking 403b and other things. But why in the scheme of things I am happy. Would I choose to change some of my decisions in my younger years..sure who wouldn’t.
Excuse the run on I seem to be waxing poetic and all that tonight. Sure I may have to work 2 jobs to be middle class right now. But in a year or so I should be where I want to be and that makes the difference. Rich or poor its all in your attitude. I am better off than some, worse off than others. I have been dirt poor and I once had more than I have now. Things change. All in all I will take my life now. I am happy and content. My children are happy and content. My friends are true. Yup life is good
February 26, 2016 at 7:53 AM
Urspo
indeed !