I recently heard about a list of things people allegedly do when nobody is looking. The narrator assures me everyone does them.  Here is the list:

Pick our noses

Use a smartphone in the loo

Google ourselves

Eat in bed

Stalk people on FB

Fart in an elevator

Push things under the rug

Steal loose pistachios in the supermarket

Smell your clothes to see if there is an odor

Urinate in the shower

Drink out of the bottle

Talk to inanimate objects

Talk to ourselves

Eat crazy combinations of food

Measure body parts

Accept terms and conditions without reading them.

Eat food off the floor

Burp

Take weird selfies

Cry watching movies

Leave the dishes to soak

Clear out the browsing history before someone borrows our tech things.

Hang around the house in PJs, underwear, or nothing

Eat with our fingers. 

I thought this a rather spot-on list, although I won’t tell you which ones Urs Truly does.  But here are some spo-reflections on some of them:

I can assure Spo-fans I do NOT pinch pistachios or anything else from the grocery store, nor do I eat food fallen onto the floor (that’s Harper’s job).

In the Arizona heat, lounging around your boxers is almost a requirement.

Speaking of Harper, I talk to her, which may count as talking to an inanimate object.

I disapprove of phones in the loo, and I execrate drinking out of the bottle. Someone does this with the milk jugs, which is disgusting and makes me no longer willing to drink milk.

Eating food in bed is OK if it is gummi bears, but crackers are not, for this create crumbs, and I have had enough of crumbs in bed.

I never cry at movies, nor do I pass wind in a lift – that would be ungallant.

What’s the point of reading the Terms if doing so and then declining them means the improvements will not happen. It’s a Hobson’s Choice. There is no sense of asking if the air is any good when there is nothing else to breathe.

And as for picking one’s nose, well, it’s one of life’s great pleasures and like most of life’s great pleasures they should be enjoyed behind closed doors where no one is looking.

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