I woke this morning to discover my nose has an acute case of acne vulgaris which is medical mumbo-jumbo for pimples. Very vulgar indeed. I’ve not had such blemishes since I was twenty.  “Look at these bloody spots!” I said out loud as I stared into the bathroom mirror with consternation. Someone was initially concerned I had hurt myself but he soon lost empathy upon realizing the situation.  “That’s diet that is!” I added to the self-examination.  I found some old Oxy-something or other and applied a generous dollop and hoped this isn’t MRSA.

Few people seem satisfied with their schnozes; they are either too small or too big or off centre. Here in Phoenix noses are usually drippy, sneezy, and congested from the allergens and pollutants. Recently I had a patient with a nose fracture from bicycling. His proboscis has a sort of macho flair to it while mine makes me look like a troll. (1)

Tomorrow morning I go to the TSA to get one of those ‘passes’; I fear this means photography and here I am with a bump on my nose the size of Mt. Humphreys. Oh what bad timing. It seems insult to injury to have my nose suddenly go into a second adolescence. I am tempted to go out and purchase some sort of make up and cover up the damn thing, but I don’t know what to get – pancake powder I suppose.(2)  I probably would botch it and end up look like a badly-done drag queen (with pimples). Perhaps it is the anticipation of the TSA appointment which has triggered a proliferation of Propionibacterium acnes. (3)

I have enough sense not to pop them but they itch and I have to restrain myself from picking lest I trigger some sort of intracranial infection or worse permanent scarring. The internet recommends I throughly remove all my make up. Alas I don’t have any to remove. I am a sinking ship with no freight to throw overboard. I guess I will have to wash my whiffer a bit more often and hope for the best.



(1) I am not 100% certain if trolls are prone to pimples. Perhaps I am mistaking them for kobolds.  I hope some Spo-fan (who knows his or her faeries) can edify us.

(2) Do they still make compacts does anyone know? I used to see them in old 30s and 40s movies and in Three Stooges clips although Moe was rather brutal applying it to Larry.

(30 I have a vague memory for junior high school white heads were the result of intemperate living or eating chocolate or both.