I have a dilemma; I don’t know if a decision of mine is sensible or cowardly. I want your advice.
The average number of times a person checks his/her cellphone is ~ 200x a day. I think I have surpassed this. This activity time-sucking past time is making me sick.
My trouble isn’t the games or Facebook, but “the news”, particularly politics. I read several news apps; they continually send notifications and write headlines about the election. I am inundated with shout-outs about Mrs. Clinton and Mr. Trump. The apps are incendiary; they rival tabloids seen when waiting in the grocery check-out line.
The truth is I am failing with boundaries to a) not jump every time there is an ‘update” and b) not to go into anxious hysterics with Mr. Trump’s or his minions latest outrage. Last night at the ballet, I let the news ruin my night. The latest ‘news’ is about Mrs. Clinton’s emails. The headlines suggest ‘this will cost her the election’. I don’t have the facts on this*, only the emotional reaction of another threat. On Yahoo! or CNN or whatever was an article about a professor or prophetic chicken (I forget which) who has successfully predicted the presidential elections for decades. He has said Mr. Trump will win. Apart from the terrible news, it reeks of witchcraft and tea-leaves. These lurid headlines (I did not read the articles) made me so upset and angry I couldn’t concentrate to enjoy the ballet. I left in the third act, unable to focus. I drove home to binge eat a pizza and drink some wormwood and have bad dreams.
Last night I blocked all notifications from news apps but then I went further. I deleted the news apps. Ostrich-like I want to avoid it all. I recognize this pattern in me: when I am feeling overwhelmed by worldly matters for which I feel impotent, I crawl into a hole, curl up, and pretend it isn’t there.
I wish I had a thicker skin. I wish I had better boundaries. I wish I could trust the majority of polls saying Mrs. Clinton will win. But I fail. My black-and-white mentality seems to say to me just don’t look at all, any of it. I feel some guilt – and cowardice – to take this approach. On the other hand I think I may sleep better this week and have a lot more time.