This one you may want to skip over. It was written in wormwood and it isn’t nice. I needed to something after a friend declared Trump will win the election.
I am failing at succumbing to the Dark Side of the Force. Every encounter with “the news” makes me more angry and bitter my fellow Americans are so awful. Violence, death threats, calumny, and sensational headlines are all we have or want. Ignorance has won over Wisdom – or perhaps merely shot your down in its God-given right to carry a gun or grab her by the pussy. I was born into a country of people and it has become a kennel of mad dogs.
There is a part of me now hoping Trump wins for he is exactly what this country deserves. His rise to dictator may cost many their sanity, liberty, or their lives, but this may be the best way for leeching out the poisons.
I hate myself for my feelings and my failure to rise above it all and not become like those I deplore. I am rumbling like a volcano about to become active. I become quickly irritated and labile, which makes me feel even more bad at my lack of courage, honor, and self-composure.
I wish I had a thicker skin. I wish I had some backbone. I don’t. I can’t even face the music. I must turn off the TV and phone lest I have a stroke or do something regrettable.
I may also take a hiatus to blogging for awhile, at least until I can be calm and civil.
What I want is the country to have courage, reason, and honor.
What I want is someone to tell me everything will be OK.
I also want the horror to end.
I want to be rid of bitterness.
I will get none of this.