I like to think I am a gentleman. One of the criteria of such is self-composure under trying circumstances. This is even more challenging when there is name-calling happening. Miss Manners’ advice is never return rudeness with rudeness. This is called ‘setting a good example’ or ‘not stooping’.
On the other hand when I am in a sordid situation my mind immediately comes up with nasty comebacks and back talking. It makes my eyes cross to discover how readily and quickly acrimony arises from the recesses of my brain.
Spo-slights and insults and name calling have grandiloquence to them. I am less likely to call someone a bastard as a slobberdegullion. These gems puzzle the recipient and makes him pause to ponder whether or not he’s been actually insulted. It also shows a bit of superiority and sophistication.*
Shakespeare has some lovelies. Here are some of my favorites:
A fusty nut with no kernel
The anointed sovereign of sighs and groans
Highly fed and lowly taught
(and possibly my favorite)
I do desire we may be better strangers.
If I think these won’t work, I can always use my fustian lexicon:
virago; harridan; rampallian; snollygoster; pettifogger; strige; lespawg; troglobite.
Try using one in an email today.
But my favorite seems to be “toadsucker”. When the shadow-side of my psyche wants a vile word it pops up as first in line. Sucking toads implies the suckee has sucked all the vitriol and bitterness out of said toad, not unlike a vampire or as a parasite. “Toad sucker” is an indirect speech act for the recipient to hear between the words the implication he sucks something worse than a toad but I am too high-class to say what out loud.
*This is not nice but there it is.
27 comments
March 2, 2017 at 11:04 AM
Walter
I wound’s want to be an opponent of yours when playing Scrabble.
March 2, 2017 at 9:41 PM
Urspo
I am a poor player of Scrabble; I don’t have the strategy for such
Alas none of my fancy words ‘fit’ into the game.
March 2, 2017 at 12:57 PM
anne marie in philly
I always use my trusty response FOAD (fuck off and die). I ain’t no lady.
March 2, 2017 at 9:42 PM
Urspo
I shudder for the fools at the receiving end of your wrath.
March 3, 2017 at 4:08 AM
anne marie in philly
never cross me, for I AM WARRIOR QUEEN!
March 2, 2017 at 1:54 PM
Old Lurker
I am partial to “cakesniffers!” from the Lemony Snicket series.
When people are offering alternative facts, you can call them prevaricators.
March 2, 2017 at 9:42 PM
Urspo
I don’t know the first word; I love the second one !
March 2, 2017 at 2:23 PM
earnestlydebra
Sometimes the best comeback is a blank stare.
March 2, 2017 at 9:43 PM
Urspo
Indeed.
March 2, 2017 at 2:49 PM
Steven
I do desire we may be better strangers, lol that’s my favorite. Growing up in the country I have heard a lot of… shall we say, very colourful name calling; however they are names that are complete opposite to the point of your post.
March 2, 2017 at 9:43 PM
Urspo
Dear me, what might they be?
March 2, 2017 at 3:37 PM
Mitchell Block
Sorry. I find your colorful words entertaining, especially toadsucker, but for me nothing is as satisfying as the sound — and feel on the tongue — of the real thing.
March 2, 2017 at 9:44 PM
Urspo
You are right of course.
Curse words are not just words but linguistic manifestations of the emotional part of the brain. This is known by anyone who knows curse words in foreign languages, but they carry no relief to say them.
March 2, 2017 at 4:39 PM
Kato
Toads and frogs can look similar. As can moths and butterflies. I’ve often found it interesting that people can be creeped out by toads and moths – but see frogs and butterflies as beautiful.
Recently a striped marsh frog took up residence in our inner-city front yard. Which is pretty cool.
I don’t do insulting well.
March 2, 2017 at 9:45 PM
Urspo
Just don’t suck no toads nor kiss no frogs.
March 3, 2017 at 7:03 AM
Willym
Some of us kiss “frogs” regularly – just saying…
March 3, 2017 at 7:41 AM
Urspo
Does Laurent know of your licentiousness?
March 2, 2017 at 4:40 PM
David
I am a traditionalist when if comes to crude words. I am civil in the office, in 8 years I have slipped twice. But in traffic – of my if the other drivers could hear what I say about them – it is a good thing they can’t hear.
March 2, 2017 at 9:45 PM
Urspo
Someone is like that as well. Nice guy – until behind the wheel. Oh the words! They make my eyes cross.
March 2, 2017 at 5:34 PM
Ron
You are such a gentleman I cannot imagine you ever calling anyone a toadsucker.
March 2, 2017 at 9:46 PM
Urspo
You are a toad sucker.
March 2, 2017 at 8:45 PM
rjjs8878
Even gentlemen have times when they have to use a few choice words.
March 2, 2017 at 9:46 PM
Urspo
LOL
Mark Twain said profanity offers a relief denied even to prayer.
March 3, 2017 at 4:10 AM
anne marie in philly
HELL YEAH!
March 3, 2017 at 7:08 AM
Willym
I’m rereading the playscript of Brief Lives and John Aubrey speaks of Dr Ralph Kettell the President of Trinity College Oxford who “would scold the idle boys at the College, he called ’em: Turds,Tarrarags, Rascal-Jacks, Blind-sinks, Scobber-lotchers, Crinkum!”
March 3, 2017 at 7:35 AM
Urspo
wow! great words! Love’em!
March 3, 2017 at 8:03 AM
Willym
I had a feeling you would…..