The Board of Directors Here at Spo-Reflections sent me a deputation of the sort that causes people to lock the doors, hide the liquor, and pretend they aren’t at home. The accomplice email was full of the worst sounding language, excoriating me on yesterday’s entry. In their unanimous opinion Pablo Escobar nee The Clicking Device was the most boring entry they’ve read since the time I wrote about the dust bunnies under the bed. They extoled me not to fill the blog with rubbish about house and office objects (curious or otherwise) and to ‘put out’ as it were with something zany, exciting, and captivating – or else.

There is nothing like the threat of bodily harm to inspire writing.

Yesterday a scorpion was found in the knife drawer. Rather than crushing it under a 16 ton weight (the usual remedy for bugs among the utensils) I decided to use a blow torch hoping for 100% efficacy and cleansing by fire. The smoke and fire drove out a few more scorpions who were upset at the fuss, which agitated the Cup Fairies and Car Key Gnomes from their slumbers. They started a lamentation to rival an orchestra of scorched cats. Harper came into the kitchen thinking there must be something to eat in all this ruckus. Alas, the doggie-treats were incinerated along with several of the Cup Fairies. She added furtive howls to the disconsolate chorus  – and who do you suppose shows up next? Henrik the Ghost! I haven’t heard from him in ages; I thought he had skidooed.  He just stood there, lugubrious, looking at toaster, the mix-master, and the tea kettle as if he had never seen these things before, although this was hard to belief. He said something to the vociferous imps I didn’t catch (for it was quite noisy).  Whatever he said it was doing no good for hound and hobgoblins both became more agitated. I put Harper in the back yard and wondered if I should save the sewing machine.

I don’t know who called the fire department but by the time they showed up the ghost and fairies had all dissipated and I was left alone standing in a ruined kitchen with a barking dog and a pile of torched scorpions. The fine fellows asked a few questions to see if I was deranged. After concluding I wasn’t they gave me a stern lecture about using RAID next time.  One of the firemen (who was well over four feet) gave Harper a doggie-snack and she immediately calmed down. Mercifully there was no shooting.

I had the whole mess cleaned up before Someone came home for supper. I purposely burned the Blue Apron dinner, hoping to cover up the redolence of smoke and charred kitchen appliances. Happily this worked. All the same, our gourmet dinner was ruined so we went out that night to Pei Wei. I got extra vegetables on my Pad Thai to promote healthy digestion.