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The correspondences from The Board of Directors Here at Spo-Reflections have been more truculent than usual. The summer monsoons of Phoenix must be creeping of the collective necks like hot hands. I don’t blame them. July through August in Arizona is the equivalent of February -March in the Midwest when people become stir crazy staying indoors waiting impatiently for the weather to turn. All the same their usual threats of sharp implements inserted up my orifices have been supplemented with threats of blackmail. Unless I put out something of worth pronto they plan to spill the Nordic beans as it were.  I thought I would kill two birds with one stone and write a tell-all entry guaranteed to bring in the comments – or so I hope.  Please keep in mind pointed sticks and hot pokers.

With that said, here is a list of things I either can’t do or have never learned.  Spo-fans may be shocked or feel incredulous by the contents but I assure you they are all true. Some of these shortcomings I am resigned ain’t ever going to happen; most of them are “lost causes” and not worth learning.

Throw a ball

Whistle

Spelled ‘calendar’ without relying on spell-check.

Discussed philosophy with a woman, or something like it.

Operate the entertainment system.

Swing a baseball bat and hit a ball

Feel at ease in an Apple store

Grow tomatoes in Arizona

Smoked anything

Made decent onion soup

Seen a “Rocky” movie

Solved the mystery of life, universe, and everything.

Worn a dress

Thrown a punch

Made Pancakes Barbara

Gone to Columbus, Ohio

Fought with my parents

Set fire to a public building

Ordered a rental car

Played craps

Watched Fox News

and

Know where I last put down my tea cup

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