What do you say when you know you will never see the person you before you? Do you pretend there may be a reunion or do you bluntly acknowledge the end and act accordingly ?
The Lovely Neighbor drives to Virginia tomorrow and that is that. I doubt she will ever return to Arizona.
This evening we had her over for a drink before she leaves in the morning. We made her late mother’s oyster dip and we had drank some bourbon. It felt like the last supper. We did not talk about this situation. Rather we joked about this and that; we laughed and rolled our eyes at Hair Furor’s latest outrage. Once in awhile I slipped in a thank you and a mention of how grateful I was for having her in my life. I said I would miss her. But these slips were not continued or even acknowledged; the superficial chats and banter continued.
At the end of our little Tom Sawyer funeral she became tearful and announced she had to go. I tactfully did not point out her tears. I gave her a long hug, the type Wotan gives to Brunhilde before he leaves her forever. There were promises on both sides to keep in touch and do come visit etc.
I’ve been through this sort of thing before – many times. I recognize one when it happens to me. I know how it goes. “Let’s keep in touch” is an indirect speech act for “we will probably never see each other again but do let’s us not be so crude to say such out loud”. I’ve had countless friends move away vowing to stay in touch only to disappear and become only a memory if they are remembered at all. One of the saddest things in my life is how many people I have known who have moved away and have ceased to be; most of them I can’t easily recall anymore. Sad.
Perhaps this way is better. Perhaps saying the obvious is too blunt. So we agree on the illusion of the possible.
Perhaps I am wrong; maybe we will keep in touch and see each other again. Based on my experience this will not be so.
Even if this turns out to be true I know in time I will not feel the loss I will only remember the love.
21 comments
August 4, 2017 at 12:28 AM
Kato
What a beautiful entry.
I would prefer a “no rubbish” goodbye using words. But not if the other person wasn’t comfortable with this blunt approach. She seems like the type of person who didn’t need to use words to communicate her farewell thoughts. I love your last sentence.
August 4, 2017 at 6:51 AM
Urspo
thank you for your compliment
August 4, 2017 at 1:24 AM
Old Lurker
You were a lovely neighbour too. You also have documented the Lovely Neighbour well in your blog, so hopefully she will not fade away in your memory.
August 4, 2017 at 6:52 AM
Urspo
I think we were good neighbors in return, helping move things and watching the house when they were away etc. It was a good relationship. I wish more neighbors were so; we would feel happier
August 4, 2017 at 4:13 AM
David
You could start an east coast tour and add Virginia to it, see you!
August 4, 2017 at 6:53 AM
Urspo
Indeed ! She joins a handful of folks we know on the east coast in the Virginia area. We could see the sight (DC and Richmond) and visit our chums – including you two!
August 4, 2017 at 5:19 AM
JR~
Myself, I prefer the honest words, but I grew up moving every 3rd year, or more frequently, and knowing that the chances of ever being stationed at the same base again were slim. Perhaps I’m inured to that particular loss. Dunno. But yes, “remember the love” …..
When I depart now, I try to say something like, “I’ll cherish the memories”
And when I intentionally walk out of someone’s life, I say with sincerity, “It’s been real … ” (leaving unspoken, “and now it’s over”
August 4, 2017 at 5:25 AM
JR~
You’re right, of course. Some folks are not comfortable voicing sincere sentiment, and it is a kindness to respect that. Your making and sharing those tidbits was a sincere tribute to a Lovely relationship.
August 4, 2017 at 6:54 AM
Urspo
I sometimes use the expression “Have a pleasant forever” to say the point but cushion the blow
August 4, 2017 at 10:27 AM
Freckles
I can’t recall if you’ve spoken of this previously but will you be getting new neighbours in that house?
August 4, 2017 at 11:45 AM
Urspo
Rumor has it the new owners are a young couple with three children, from IL.
They have hard shoes to fill.
We plan on being good amiable types; if they slam the door in our faces it won’t be because we didn’t try.
August 4, 2017 at 1:09 PM
Sam
You made me miss our lovely neighbor all over again, multiple sets of them in fact. There is nothing wrong with current, just haven’t become as close as kin as we were.
August 4, 2017 at 2:30 PM
Urspo
I know this feeling !
August 4, 2017 at 6:58 PM
Ron
Lovely Neighbor was very fortunate to have two such lovely men as you and Someone as neighbors. And she knew it.
August 5, 2017 at 9:08 AM
Urspo
Yes she does.
August 5, 2017 at 3:38 PM
Todd Gunther
A very nice posting. I’ve had a few farewells like that with sincere promises to keep in touch, only to see them later on Facebook spouting opposing political points of view. So much for sincerity and sentimentality.
August 6, 2017 at 11:44 AM
larrymuffin
I hope that whoever becomes the new neighbour is as nice and pleasant.
August 7, 2017 at 11:19 AM
Steven
If you never hear from her again, it was bourbon wasted!! Here’s hoping for the best! Make sure you lay down the law first with the new neighbor. Shower them with a king-size bed maybe? Or a huge computer screen?
August 7, 2017 at 11:31 AM
Urspo
The Lovely neighbor gave us half her back porch furniture (on the advice of the realtor to declutter the yard). She promised we could have the rest after the house sold. The new owners wanted the back porch furniture that was left, so TLN could not give it to us.
We thought to give the new neighbors what we have but decided not.
However it may be ticklish if they were ever to come over for a back porch chat.
August 8, 2017 at 1:24 PM
wfregosi
In situations like this, Christmas cards can be very useful for keeping lightly in touch.
August 21, 2017 at 4:06 AM
Rick
I have truly missed some people and others surprisingly not. I suppose it’s like the song, you’re only someone that I used to know.