A few days ago I stumbled onto one of those on-line lists. I usually skip over these things, knowing they are mostly fronts for advertisers to expose me to their products. However one of them caught my eye. It was titled ‘Ten things old people regret most”. I was curious enough to go have a look-see. I was also dubious about the credibility of the list – who made this and how well was the research – that sort of thing. I thought I would print the list here, adding my own editorial for the amusement of Spo-fans well over four feet.
10. “I wished I had learned a second language”. This one was a bit surprising to me as Yanks tend to feel everyone else should learn to speak English dammit. I am fairly well at speaking German, and I can sign some ASL. I am learning Spanish now albeit not well. Indeed if it were easier I would want to learn as many languages as possible. For no good reason I would like to learn Norwegian. No doubt due to my Nordic genetics.
9. “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard”. This reflects on our regrets of not having had more fun in our lives. I am fortunate I like my work. However, I can see the value in less work and more time shouting and rolling down grass hills.
8 .” I wish I had been better at expressing how I felt”. Women more than men reported this one viz. keeping quiet/mum and stifling one’s voice for the peace or whatever. This is regret I don’t have. I think mine would be more along the line of “I wish I had kept my big mouth shut more”.
7. “I wish I had taken better care of myself”. This one touches on better physical health habits, but I include mental health too. I am always watching on the physical health part. However it is in conflict with the unwritten regret “I wish I had eaten more brownies in life and less kale”.
6. “I wish I had been more selective with my romantic relationships.” Meaning one should have asked a few logical questions before jumping into bed or marrying someone. I think this one a tough one as how people turn out to be is mostly live and learn than the ability to choose good partners. I don’t regret any of my exes with the one exception of an Iranian fellow (whose name escapes me) as his manic-depressive boyfriend stole my wallet.
5. “I wish I hadn’t worried so much.” On my tombstone they can write: “Finally stopped worrying”
4. “I should have gone more outside of my comfort zone”. Amen to this one! I challenge myself on this one all the time, especially when it comes to curried dishes.
3. “I could have given more” At first I thought this meant money to charity, but it means giving one’s time and talent towards others. Since I do this all day long in my job it is hard to do in my spare time. However, volunteer work sounds good.
2. “I wish I had pursued more of my personal dreams and not what other expected of me”. I spend a lot of my career trying to get people to grow into individual beings and not just become good members of this or that Tribe. I personally connected the dots on this one in my early 30s – thank the gods or at least the demigods. Since then life is jam-packed and fun-filled. When I look back I try not to be bitter.
1. “I wish I had spent more time with people I cared about.” I can see why this was ranked #1. Seriously this I need to keep constant reminders of to not let slip through my fingers.
So there is the list. I am curious to hear from Spo-fans what they think of it.
47 comments
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August 11, 2018 at 12:22 PM
Cliffie The Lemming Girl
I have all those regrets already. All I do is work and there’s nobody in my life to speak of. Partly because I can;t find someone I want to be with who isn’t a sphincter. Mais je savais un petit peu de francais.
August 11, 2018 at 2:48 PM
Urspo
May the list inspire you to not become complacent
August 11, 2018 at 1:37 PM
mitchellismoving
This is fascinating and eye-opening. I will remind myself of these and hope I don’t reach my end with the same regrets.
August 11, 2018 at 2:49 PM
Urspo
It is hoped we all get to our graves with little regrets especially these 10
August 11, 2018 at 1:48 PM
Todd Gunther
I regret not having more confidence in myself 30-40 years ago. Even then I must admit that most of the self-confidence i have now has rubbed off on me from WQ.
August 11, 2018 at 2:49 PM
Urspo
Good for you/the both of you
August 11, 2018 at 2:09 PM
anne marie in philly
I can read french, and a bit of spanish and portuguese. I enjoy hard work, I use my B-I-G mouth frequently, I eat/drink whatever I damn well please, I’ve kissed many many frogs that remained frogs, I worry about nothing, I go outside my comfort zone frequently (I just discovered I like indian sitar music), I give away knitting. #2 – I would have become either a paralegal or a pastry chef. #1 – all my friends live online and so far away. 😦
August 11, 2018 at 2:50 PM
Urspo
Of all the people I know in all the ginjoints in all the world you of all people will hit the grave with no regrets
August 11, 2018 at 4:10 PM
anne marie in philly
HELL YEAH!
August 11, 2018 at 8:07 PM
larrymuffin
to be very honest I find it difficult to think in terms of regrets. What is the point, it is in the past and dead, nothing can be done to change anything. I try to do my best and that is it. Maybe it is because to have regrets is to imagine that life would have been better if only I had done this or that. But how are we to know? Life took us into another direction and Fate intervenes. Maybe I believe that things happen for a reason and that is out of our control.
August 12, 2018 at 10:16 AM
Urspo
You have a good attitude few obtain. An alternative hypothesis is you’ve lived a life of satisfaction. Either way you are a fortunate fellow.
August 12, 2018 at 2:09 PM
larrymuffin
Let’s say I have been lucky and Fate has smiled on me.
August 13, 2018 at 11:00 AM
Pat
Piaf couldn’t have said it better.
August 11, 2018 at 8:23 PM
Raybeard
My ‘biggie’ would be #2. – behaviour calculated to obtain approval of others,
Too many are obsessed with telling others how to live their lives when its clear that they don’t even have their own lives in order. Why do we give them the satisfaction of listening and acting on such ‘advice’?
August 12, 2018 at 10:18 AM
Urspo
The explanation is simple: our monkey brains makes us social creatures. We want to be part of the group; we want the group to include us. If we say something that makes others turn away we risk rejection and isolation. Ouch. So we ‘do the right thing’ to stay in the Tribe.
August 14, 2018 at 6:58 AM
Raybeard
I often wonder if this conduct of seeking the approval of others is more likely due to the fact of some of us being gay, have faced rejection on that level for so much of our lives, so we now look for it in other areas as a kind of ‘compensation’.I think my lifelong financial generosity arises from this though, of course, if so it won’t be detected by the others who are the object of my ‘kindness’ – though if they do know that I’m gay and ‘disapprove’ of it, my behaviour may lessen their hostility, I’d be hoping.
August 11, 2018 at 9:43 PM
Ravager619
I like this list. I might even put together my own list, too.
August 12, 2018 at 10:19 AM
Urspo
Please do! I thought of making one myself.
August 11, 2018 at 9:59 PM
wcs
Regrets? I’ve had a few. But, then again, too few to mention.
August 12, 2018 at 10:19 AM
Urspo
Best to remember their lessons and see what can be done to make amends and better futures.
August 13, 2018 at 12:48 PM
anne marie in philly
there you go, borrowing lines from frank sinatra again…
August 12, 2018 at 1:47 AM
Old Lurker
Like others, I feel many of the regrets on this list acutely. The exception is #9. I wish I had worked harder.
August 12, 2018 at 10:20 AM
Urspo
I suppose it is never too late to work more?
August 12, 2018 at 3:03 AM
Autolycus
I’ve probably had most of these in my time (even with a degree in French and German it still frustrates me that I’ll never speak let alone internalise either the way a native-speaker does). But I’m entering the phase of life where, actually, one can say with some relief “Ah well, too late now anyway: I think I’ll put my feet up and have another biscuit”
August 12, 2018 at 10:21 AM
Urspo
I hear this a lot in my practice: thems over 60 (even over 50) using their age as a reason why they have to accept their awful job/relationship/life – even their symptoms. It’s often a trap. Too bad.
August 12, 2018 at 5:24 AM
David
We regret most, what we had the opportunity to do, and not the courage. It was interesting to observe my father in his last year, as death drew closer, he had fewer and fewer regrets, less and less advice for others.
August 12, 2018 at 10:22 AM
Urspo
I hope the depletion of regrets was a good sign of a life ending well.
August 12, 2018 at 5:34 AM
Paul Brownsey
My regrets are more likely to be specific than generic: not that I had spent more time with people I care about but that I had knocked on Angus’s door that night I went out for a stroll and found myself (don’t go professional on me, doctor!) passing his house, Angus being a close friend of 30+ years who turned on me when I tried to have a serious talk with him about his alcoholism and who died alone a few months later after a massive bender; not that I had been more outgoing but that I had said Yes that night in Bournemouth in the 1970s when a French pianist in the gay bar stopped his car outside and asked if he could give me a lift anywhere.
August 12, 2018 at 10:24 AM
Urspo
I think specifics are easier to recall and regret than generic “I should have lived life better”. I always appreciate your comments and careful thoughts.
August 12, 2018 at 7:23 AM
Steven up north
I would say in no particular order 2, 4, 5 and 7. My one big regret would be number 5, worrying too much, I missed many opportunities to move forward or learn from failure because of worry. It caused some of the other regrets but water under the bridge now, also unfortunately that is part of my personality.
August 12, 2018 at 10:27 AM
Urspo
Don’t get snoockered into the (false) belief personality is permanent and implaccable Indeed I was trained to think thems with ‘personality disorders’ were lost causes – like having terminal cancer. Know we know this isn’t true. Even the longest worriers and become less so. “You can’t make a race horse out of a pig” as the saying goes, but you can make a darned good fast pig. 🙂
August 13, 2018 at 5:52 AM
WARPed
Great advice, Doc!
There’s gotta be a bacon joke in there somewhere.
🙂
-Andy
August 12, 2018 at 1:35 PM
Joel
Hi UrSpo. I probably will write more. I’m on vacation this week and will be seeing a “specialist” for my problem. I’ll give you a heads up.
August 15, 2018 at 6:45 AM
Urspo
I am delighted to hear from you ! I will drop by this week to have a look-see mon ami
August 12, 2018 at 3:40 PM
truthspew
Oh I know enough of a second language that being Espanol. Then of course some Italian too. I want to get to five languages before I die.
August 15, 2018 at 6:44 AM
Urspo
A commendable goal! Which five?
August 15, 2018 at 12:11 PM
truthspew
English, Spanish, Italian, Portuguese and maybe French.
August 12, 2018 at 3:51 PM
mcpersonalspace54
The epitome of my list is number 5. I do worry too much, but I am working on it. Thanks for the thoughtful post!
August 15, 2018 at 6:44 AM
Urspo
I too worry way too much. I continually work on it.
August 13, 2018 at 5:50 AM
WARPed
Interesting these are mostly spoken in present tense, i.e., “I regret…”
As if nothing can be done about it/them…
🙂
-Andy
August 15, 2018 at 6:43 AM
Urspo
This list is reportedly generated by elderly (still alive) but feeling ‘too late” to do anything about it. I hope there is always time to do something
August 13, 2018 at 4:40 PM
Ron
I think my biggest regret in my life is that I didn’t have more self confidence and shoot for the stands when it was my turn at bat. Maybe the second biggest regret is that I didn’t have children. I think that would have been very interesting. I would probably be a great grandfather now like my younger brother Isaac.
August 15, 2018 at 6:42 AM
Urspo
I believe Target sells some but there is no return policy if they are damaged
August 13, 2018 at 5:43 PM
Steven
I can definitely relate to all but #10 since I do know a second language (Spanish) and #3. Being in the public sector and volunteering with many LGBT organizations, I look forward to weaning a bit.
August 15, 2018 at 6:41 AM
Urspo
Good for you!
August 13, 2018 at 7:26 PM
Practical Parsimony
I posted a response, but where did it go? she said. It is my right to worry since others don’t seem to do enough of it…lol.
August 15, 2018 at 6:41 AM
Urspo
The WordPress gremlins (or somebody like them) do this on a regular basis. Regrets.