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Note: This entry went back and forth a few times between Urs Truly and TBDHSR. They couldn’t quite figure out a) was it serious and b) is it funny. They wanted me to open with an explanation ‘this is a joke’. I told them a) Spo-fans can figure it out themselves and b) nothing ruins humor quite so much as telling your audience what they are about to read is funny.  In the end they allowed the entry to be printed on the grounds it was relatively harmless and it had nothing to do with Walking the Dog.  Spo.

 

According to the Cosmic Calendar that hangs in the laundry room we’ve entered again the time of Virgo.* I once went in New Orleans to a fortune teller who did my horoscope. In my natal chart the planet Mercury is in ‘The house of Virgo”.  Apparently this fateful alliance portends despite being a Cancer my dark side is dominated by “Virgo energy” viz. an insatiable desire towards self-improvement – and in others. I don’t recall the rest of the horoscope but this bit, for I think this was spot-on.  Apparently thems who are Virgos (or like me have Mercury where he shouldn’t) are picky and (I daresay) critical about loose-ends out of order ‘B+’ attitudes.

My (non-Virgo) partner** and loved ones and I tend to see my zodiacal trait from an entirely different perspective. When I make critical observations about untidiness, disorder, or poor proficiency, I am not trying to make them feel bad. I think they are fine – but wouldn’t they want to be cleaner, tidier, and better? If you just change this or that you a little (or a lot) things could be perfect ! What I am providing is product improvement but what they hear is I think them lazy, slattern, and slow. ‘Tis a pity for I am genuinely trying to improve things and make everyone better.

“Wouldn’t you like to improve things?” is often met with a “No, not really”. *** Thems in my life who just sit quietly watching TV while all around them are tidy-up projects they could be doing also don’t appreciate my Virgo tendencies.  Poor Someone. While he drives I have to be wiping down or polishing the dashboard or doing something/anything to improve my lot in life. While watching a movie I fold laundry, sew buttons, or organize photos on my laptop.

Pragmatics who don’t belief in horoscopes can attribute all of this not to the stars but genetics. Last time I looked over 75% of my background is Swiss-German, the most orderly timely people on the planet. I may drive my loved ones crazy but go have a look-see at my side of the closet.

*August 20 to September 20 or something.

**Someone is a Sagittarius. I like Sanitarians. You can trust them.

***At work I’m the one constantly trying to improve the office forms and electronic records. The bosses don’t find this especially welcome.

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