The Board of Directors Here at Spo-Reflections are a little peeved I haven’t ‘put out’ as it were. They are rather unsympathetic with my explanations about work and time restraints. Normally they merely threaten with setting fires to public buildings or causing me bodily harm. This evening they sent an email with the ominous title “CONTRACTUAL OBLIGATION”. Attached to the succinct note ‘Read this” is a PDF of a lengthy contract dated from 2006 when the blog started. Translated from the Runes, it says I am required to write on a regular frequency as determined by The Board. It also says I promise to make whatever mutually satisfactory accommodations necessary to reduce tensions and arrive at whatever previously agreed-upon goals both parties have harmoniously set in the appropriate planning sessions. The section on punishments – if the suzerain (them) is not satisfied by the minion (Urs Truly) – is profusely illustrated and there isn’t a dull page in it. The wretched thing is signed in blood, apparently mine.
I smell a rat. The fustian words are far beyond their taciturn concrete Viking lexicon and I have no memory of this document let alone signing such. Until I find an impolitic attorney to challenge it I better write something pronto. Being vindicated in a court of law months hence would be small comfort for today’s missing digits.
It’s hard to be creative or funny under such duress. Happily the fine print doesn’t say the entry has to be ‘good’ just there.
I have dry skin this week; it is so bad it itches. I’ve had to put on lotion, which was a relief. I guess the shower water temperature should be less hot.
There.
Come back this weekend when I am under less duress.
21 comments
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December 7, 2018 at 1:53 AM
sebby holmes
You have an ‘obligation’ to chill this week end! Good luck 👍
December 7, 2018 at 7:47 AM
Urspo
My contract with Someone states I have an obligation to iron a pile of shirts as high as Fafner’s hoard.
December 7, 2018 at 3:49 AM
anne marie in philly
the gas heat keeps us warm, but is also a contributor to dry skin. moisturizer STAT!
December 7, 2018 at 7:47 AM
Urspo
Righto nurse AM, I shall do so
December 7, 2018 at 4:32 AM
David
If we can prove that the blood is yours, we have you by the short and curlies.
December 7, 2018 at 7:48 AM
Urspo
I wish to hire you as my personal attorney in this matter. I hope your ‘reasonable attorneys fees’ are not too outrageous.
December 7, 2018 at 5:59 AM
Steven
Just tell TBOD that visiting other people’s blogs has taken time away from yours. 😉 Throw the guilt back in their laps!
December 7, 2018 at 7:49 AM
Urspo
TBDHSR are mercifully free of the ravages of guilt – along with remorse proper grammar when it comes to dangling participles
December 7, 2018 at 7:23 AM
Ravager619
I know the feeling. I haven’t posted since last weekend. I suppose I could post something soon… or not.
December 7, 2018 at 7:50 AM
Urspo
As Jane Wagner said: It is one thing to tolerate a boring marriage but a boring hobby makes no sense. Post when the spirit moves you – or when you are threatened with dismemberment.
December 7, 2018 at 7:38 AM
Tony D
Try using coconut oil on your skin. It feels marvelous and will do a proper job of moisturizing.
December 7, 2018 at 7:51 AM
Urspo
Coconut greatly upsets my stomach; I’ve learned to avoid ingesting it in all its forms. I wonder if my skin would react similar? I may dab a bit to see what happens.
December 7, 2018 at 8:33 AM
Old Lurker
If you think your contract is bad you should see the ones TBDHSR makes your commenters sign. At least you get paid!
December 7, 2018 at 3:41 PM
Urspo
I was not aware of this. The stirges! I am going to have quite the crow to pluck with them at the next meeting
December 7, 2018 at 10:55 AM
Todd Gunther
Is there any way you can void the contract and declare free agency without physical harm to your self or going into a protected witness program?
December 7, 2018 at 3:42 PM
Urspo
It would probably mean going incognito with a protection plan but it may be worth it
December 7, 2018 at 10:57 AM
Debra She Who Seeks
“The wretched thing is signed in blood, apparently mine.” — hahahahaha, love this line!
December 7, 2018 at 3:43 PM
Urspo
Thank you
I try hard to write with elegance and graceful flow of works and rhythm.
December 7, 2018 at 3:18 PM
Moving with Mitchell
Oh my god, this is such a traumatic and emotional post. That’s almost as bad as the heartbreak of psoriasis, isn’t it?!?
December 7, 2018 at 3:45 PM
Urspo
hohoho to your diagnosis
I just got an email from thems- that- shan’t-be-named they are pleased as punch with the outcome of this post.
December 9, 2018 at 4:55 PM
Ron
I’ve been gone a while from Bloggerland myself. It’s alright. We always come back.