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Pensive

New Years Eve evokes retroactive reflections and thoughts of things ending. This can be positive meditation viz. deeds accomplished or a negative one viz. people and things lost along the way. There is plenty of the latter, which sounds depressing yet isn’t too bad when you see it in perspective. The vast majority of the people, places, and things in our lives don’t go on with us. What’s current is a mere drop in the evolutionary ocean of things now extinct. This is especially true in our relationships. 

I recently counseled Patient ‘K’ who usually comes to his appointments with good affect. He came in last week looking sorrowful. He explained his partnership of seven years was ending. Despite effort and hope his mate won’t stop drinking, won’t get a job, and hasn’t sticked to their budget despite years of promises to do so. K finally decided to break it off. He knows this is for the best; he’s been miserable for years. All the same, he is sad, which is understandable. There was a bit of thinking that raised my eyebrows: his belief the relationship would always last.  

Back to my point now. Think back on all the people you’ve ever known in life including the more in-depth relationships. Most are gone either dead, disappeared, or dissolved from lack of mutual interest. For better or worse this seems to be the rule not the exception for human relationships.

I consciously try to nurture and keep in touch with the friends and family I have. I continually work (for I made a wedding promise) on my marriage. All the same, there is a fair bet some of these will not be around when December 2019 rolls around.  

Where is this going? There are a lesson to learn here. Relationships generally don’t last. If you see yours drifting apart you can work on them. However if some sour it is sometimes best to recognize the situation and cut it out and cash in your chips without too much shock.  For Patient K, he will go through a bereavement that I will witness with him. After a reasonable time, he will move on for I won’t let him wallow in self-pity and Victim energy. I hope he will then be ready for a better beau and give that one a try – both parties going in with eyes open with the knowledge there are no guarantees. 

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