Spo-fans know I am trained in Jungian psychology; when I am work on self-awareness I explore such in the lexicon of complexes and archetypes.* I’ve noticed some sort of complex is beginning to dominate my mind. I’ve haven’t identified yet what it is or where it comes from; it is a work in progress. By writing this entry I hope to gain some insight as I write it out or from assistance via the comments.

This complex is going on the alleged axiom Life is over and what’s left is waiting for its end. Said complex is manifesting itself through warm thoughts and memories about my past. Lately I’ve been reading poetry and literature about older folks recalling their youthful experiences at life’s end. There is a sense of my body slowly falling apart and I am not worrying about it. The tunes I’ve been attracted to resonate with the complex: “Our Last Summer” by ABBA; “This Old House” by Stuart Hamblen and so forth. I have a sense of not wanting to travel, plan for the future, or do much self-care. After all, I’ve had a good life/done some things – and now it feels over. I am walking downhill into the sunset.

In summary: I am challenging an old man, somewhere in his mid to late 80s.

Ego wants to know what the devil is going on and where this is coming from and why it is appearing now.

First of all let me assure Spo-fans these feelings and actions aren’t stemming from apathy or weariness. This is not depression. I know a lot about depression and this isn’t that. My health is good, my job is going OK. I am enjoying activities.  Perhaps The Old Man Complex (as I just christened it) is coming from a sense of contentment viz. as everything is going OK why bother going on? The world seems to be going to pot and I am glad to be old enough to check out?  “Let some of the younger ones deal with it” I hear him/it saying about Life’s matters.

I don’t remember ever having this before. I’ve had times when I thought “life is over” but I was not happy about it, nor did I covert it (nor was even closely correct). I’ve been content before but this didn’t elicit a ‘games over’ emotion.

Curious indeed.

Happily I have enough Ego/consciousness to smell a rat. There is nothing wrong resting in a golden nidus and watching the sun set. This doesn’t groove however as I am in my mid-50s. This Complex /Ego situation reminds me of the scene in Monty Python and The Holy Grail of the man exclaiming “I’m not dead! I don’t want to go on the cart! I feel happy, happy!”  I can not succumb to the Complex saying ‘No you’re not! You’ll be stone dead in a moment”.

So I’ve identified a problem. I don’t know yet ‘why’ it’s there but I’ve identified it as can keep tabs on it.  If you hear I’ve quit work/Life  please bitch slap me.

 

*For thems in need of a quick Jung 101 lesson: imagine your conscious self as the CEO at  a table with many diverse board members. You/Ego get input into the many members that make up the board that is your psyche. The members vary in how much they say and how bossy they are; they vary in their influence as well. Sometimes one or a group of them want to take over and be the Ego; they want to be in charge. A good conscious Ego is aware of all of them and their positive and negative attributes; you recognize when and which ones are ‘speaking’. It is the role of the Ego to take in all information and opinions of the Complexes in but in the end Ego- CEO-conscious self makes the decisions. It is in charge – not the complexes. This takes constant self-awareness. Phew.