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Whenever I have a ‘negative’ emotion* my training kicks in to analyze what is contributing to this. I’ve noticed I am lately avoiding reading certain blogs and going on Facebook. What’s behind this?  I start feeling down, with a slight sense of anger when I go to them. My self-analysis reveals what I am experiencing isn’t really sadness but Envy. That’s the dart! I’m feeling envious. Well!

So many posts on from my Facebook friends are about fun-filled travels. They like to post their awards and achievements. One fellow on FB continually has shirtless photos extoling his weight loss and muscle gain. My Facebook friends are often surrounded by large groups of buddies all having a merry time. You get the picture.  Rather than feeling happy for them, I push the ‘like” button and experience Envy along with a slight sense of F-you”.

There are few  blogs I seem to be avoiding; they have a few things in common. Either they get massive amounts of comments or they post pictures of gorgeous guys. The former elicits Envy as if I was back in High School. About the latter, their photos do not induce lust but shame my physique is so bad. So far as I can tell none of the authors of these blogs are boasting their popularity; they are merely loved by many. The photos of the hunky hombres are supposed to evoke excitement not body-shame.

Envy is a long time struggle for me, stemming from my childhood when I was not strong/butch/sports-able as the others. These yardsticks were important and I always came up deficit. My usual response wasn’t proactive to try harder but be passive and feel Envy. I thought this nasty neurosis was in check but thanks to the internet Envy as reared her ugly head again.

Envy is a universal emotion and phenomenon: comparing oneself to others and coming up deficit. Social media platforms takes Envy to the extreme. In the old days you would compare yourself to only a few folks who were around you; thanks to the internet you now have the whole world with whom to compare your short-comings. Everyone is richer, happier, sexier, and better than you.

I hope to do a better job now I am aware of this. Rather than shun the internet I need to watch Envy’s grip. I may not be able to keep her at home but she doesn’t have to rule the roost.

iuKTE0CIN6

https://sporeflections.wordpress.com/2007/03/23/envy/

 

*Some definitions are in order. Feelings are neither good nor bad. We all have them. I define an emotions as a feelings without consciousness with some implications they are being acted out. Throwing a tantrum is an example of ‘being emotional” while being angry is a feeling. Sometimes this is straw-splitting.

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