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As we heading towards Krampusnacht I thought I would honor the dreadful night with an entry on Christmas demons.    hohoho

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Halloween with its ghoulies and ghosties are never too far from the mind of Urs Truly and Christmas time is no exception. Yule was a pagan holiday before The Catholic Church came along and sanitized it all. Yule was chockfull of nasty beings who came out at this time of year.  I grew up in America with Santa Claus a nearly 100% munificent man. The worst Santa would do to the naughty was give them a lump of coal.  We had to invent the Grinch to fill our need for an anti-Clause. It turns out Northern Europe’s Father Christmases still regularly show up with sidekicks worthy of horror films.

Germany has the Krampus a sort of devil character who drags brats down to hell if he doesn’t first eat or flog them to death.  St. Nick of The Netherlands has Black Tom or six to eight black men who whip the kids if they are rotten. France has another ‘whipping man’ who I believe is a renegade priest.  Frau Perchta may be my favorite: she tramps around Eastern Europe and tears out the innards of the insolent and stuffs their bloody empty abdomens with straw and garbage.  Fun times. 

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Some Christmas creatures prefer to work solo without the company of a jolly old elf.  In Sweden The Tomte is a 3ft tall gnome and he’s usually very helpful around the house unless you forget to give him porridge with butter on Christmas eve then he goes psycho and kills the livestock and rips out the cable TV. 

My favorite is The Yule Cat. This ferocious feline lives in Iceland . He eats the poor sods who don’t have a new clothing by Christmas time. I think this reasonable. 

If bodily injury and murder isn’t your cup of egg nog I suggest you check out the wild and crazy tale that is The Yule Goat of Sweden. Every year some small town in north of Uppsula builds a large goat and every year people try to burn it down. In the past fifty years said goat has survived being torched only fifteen times.  As the authorities try to prevent its demise the arsonists get more clever at doing the deed, seeing success like a writer who covets the Duke of Edinburgh award.  My favorite demise is the story of  band of men dressed as Santa Claus and some gingerbread men who danced about The Yule Goat for the entertainment of the tourists only to suddenly turn around and shoot flaming arrows into its backside instantly turning it into a capric flambeux and run run as fast as you can you can’t catch me I’m the gingerbread arsonist.  Clause and his cronies were never apprehended. 

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Yule Goat – looking well

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Yule Goat – looking not so well. 

This year’s favorites are The 13 Yule Lads who also live in Iceland. They are like the 7 dwarfs but there are more of them and all degenerate. Like an advent calendar from hell a new one shows up each day at Christmas and wracks ruin. How can they help it with names such as “Candle Eater” and “Sausage Stealer” and “Door Slammer’?   They are related to The Board of Directors Here at Spo-Reflections via their mother, a foul ogress not good to see at Christmas either. 

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So my Spo-fans please be good this season or you may face something worse than a lump of coal in your stocking. You may be switched, beaten, drawn and quartered, torched, or become cat chow. 

Happy Holidays! 

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