Last week an ex-blogger texted me I should to go to Facebook to read David Cooper of “Facing Traffic” had committed suicide. He wrote a farewell entry explaining his circumstances and the reason for his suicide. There are nearly 200 comments now filled with sorrow and salutes, reflecting one of David’s assets: he was adored by many. I don’t think many realized the entry reflected another of his assets: he was a brilliant writer. His suicide note was a brilliant piece of prose. It made me almost agree with his inevitable conclusion this was the right thing to do.
What was not mentioned in his note nor in the comments was anger. I am aware I have some. While I certainly have sorrow it cannot completely whitewash the red rage that crept up my neck like a hot hand to discover this awful news. I thought if I wrote it out it may help.
He writes h
He had lost his health and this in turn lost his livelihood (he was quite clever and handy at building things). This led to financial destitution. He had depression too; he states he could not afford healthcare for his physical and mental well-being and his funds for daily existence were meager. His situation makes me hot with rage. Only in the f-cking States of America does one go bankrupt when you become sick. If you are lucky your relations may take pay and take care of you and if you don’t that then it’s too darn bad for you. I sense if he had had health care things may not have been so despairing.
There is a lot I don’t know of course. I don’t know if his depression had been treated nor if it was a great influence to his decision. So many what-ifs and he had not confided – at least not with me.
Another area of upset was reading over a hundred comments from folks who cared for him so including a cousin (so he had some family). Where were they in his decline? Did they know and not do anything? Did everyone assume someone else was watching out for David? Was it the other way around David shut out everyone including those would have helped him? I am part of this. I had not heard from David in ages – and I have not reached out either.
My experience is when someone makes up their mind to kill themselves no one can stop them really. All the same whenever someone commits suicide the survivors wonder what they could have done to prevent this. I still think if we had a better health care system; if we as a nation was truly a Christian nation as the hypocritical Right-wingers want; if David had kept in touch; if we did a better job – If I had done a better job at helping could it have prevented his death?
When feeling lost or powerless I often want to do something. Once upon a time I was struggling with all the what-ifs of a similar suicide. The listening priest advised me ‘Better to ask yourself now is there anything that can be done to heal the wounds?” A fair question.
I will remember David for his excellent prose and the one time we had supper in Scottsdale. He was part of the original Spo-shirt tour. What can be done to heal the wounds – I don’t know yet.
30 comments
December 8, 2019 at 7:46 AM
Lori
What a terribly sad story! It makes me so angry that here in the US you can loose everything because of the cost of health care. One serious illness can wipe you out. It should not be this way.
I’m sorry for the loss of your friend.
December 8, 2019 at 8:53 AM
Urspo
It is a sad situation.
Perhaps things aren’t so stellar in the countries with universal health care but I can’t help but feel they are not frightened to become sick nor do they forgo care as they can’t afford it.
December 8, 2019 at 8:49 AM
rjjs8878
He was a brilliant writer. I didn’t discover his blog unil last year, after he stopped writitng, so I didn’t have a close connection to him. I am sorry for your loss.
December 8, 2019 at 8:54 AM
Urspo
He did not take down his blog I discover, for which I am grateful. I can go back and read his prose and remember.
December 8, 2019 at 9:23 AM
larrymuffin
Very sorry to read this sad note.
December 8, 2019 at 9:31 AM
Debra She Who Seeks
I agree with you. When wealthy countries have no social safety net for the vulnerable, they commit nothing less than a crime against their citizens. May David rest in peace, his struggle and despair now over.
December 8, 2019 at 10:07 AM
anne marie in philly
I read david’s blog when he chose to write. he was so ill for so long. my condolences to all who knew david.
December 8, 2019 at 10:19 AM
Parnassus
What a shame you had to pass along such sad news. I think that the lift we get just from someone being on our side has a tremendous effect, but it sounds like David’s world was dissolving–work, health, money and possibly family. In Taiwan there is national health care, and it is pretty good; they don’t spare tests or medicines because of cost.
–Jim
p.s. Could you please include a link to David’s blog? I could not locate it easily.
December 8, 2019 at 11:03 AM
Urspo
http://www.facingtraffic.blogspot.com
December 8, 2019 at 11:09 AM
glen
Just wondering if you would be willing to share his facebook blog name so that we could read his writing/prose. I have followed him in the past, but it was called facing traffic and I don’t know the current name. What a loss and I feel your rage about the cost of healthcare. I have to work two jobs, just to have healthcare.
December 8, 2019 at 1:13 PM
Urspo
it is still facingtraffic.blogspot.com
December 8, 2019 at 12:38 PM
David Godfrey
The American people should be outraged at how we treat the most vulnerable in our society. Even if you qualify for Social Security Disability, you have to be permanently unable to work for two years, before Medicare kicks in. In other words you have to be so sick or disabled that there is no job in the community that you can do 20 hours a week for minimum wage for at least two years, before you are eligible for Medicare. People die every year, waiting – and congress cuts taxes and orders another fighter jet.
Things we can do, VOTE, write letters, understand the issues, ask the hard questions. Stand up and say, we are not going to treat our fellow humans like this. We are all only one illness, or accident away from being the person who needs help.
December 8, 2019 at 1:14 PM
Urspo
There is a growing census with my patients (which has a selection bias) those things mentioned are mere facades and do not do any good. I struggle at times to not concur
December 8, 2019 at 12:45 PM
Steven
Always the worst time of year when something like this comes to fruition. But from what I understand, very common. It has to be devastating to those who DID love him. It brings to mind some bloggers that I remember from my blogging days of “A Friend of Dorothy’s” and “Heterosexually Challenged” and where they are today. I don’t see them on your blog roll or other blogger’s blog rolls. Makes me want to go back and read printed posts I may still have to try and remember their blogs. The one blogger I always remember having trouble with daily life never really let anyone “in” to help and was coy in his dilemmas and would disappear for weeks at a time until he re-posted again. I yearn to remember him now. I remember the layout of his blog and saved many of his images. I’ll be thinking for days now. Makes me proud of the huge mental health hospital that opened here in a shuttered hospital. They are expanding the size of the hospital. The need is so great in the Chicagoland area. As part of the public hearing process, I heard so many stories from parents and loved ones what the lack of mental health hospitals did (or did not do). It was a real eye-opener.
December 8, 2019 at 1:16 PM
Urspo
I tend to drop blogs off my list after a year’s absence. I would be blithe to see you back blogging – and herald it from the tree tops 🙂
December 8, 2019 at 2:26 PM
Blobby
This upsets me so. We were not close, but depending on which iteration of his blog(s), we followed each other. When he shut down his blog, he didn’t give warning, ditto when he started a new(er) one, so we lost touch. Still, he was always kind and warm. I am so very sad to hear this news.
December 8, 2019 at 7:30 PM
Urspo
well said
December 8, 2019 at 7:56 PM
Old Lurker
People commit suicide in socialist countries, too.
I share your frustration about people showing up during a big crisis or when it is too late, and not giving a f-ck otherwise. But then again I am also culpable in this.
December 9, 2019 at 7:39 AM
Urspo
Yes. It is hoped with support and communication and provision no one ought to commit suicide. At least I hope so.
December 8, 2019 at 8:22 PM
Linda Practical Parsimony
People have their reasons to commit suicide, and sometimes i think it is right for them. I told someone about a person wanting to commit suicide that there is nothing she could do
December 9, 2019 at 7:40 AM
Urspo
I hope however their reasons are not clouded by poor thinking or deception of despair
December 9, 2019 at 12:26 AM
Raybeard
Desperately sad, and grievous beyond words.
December 9, 2019 at 7:41 AM
Urspo
Yes there are no words good enough for such a thing.
December 9, 2019 at 4:13 AM
Moving with Mitchell
Heartbreaking and, yes, angering.
December 9, 2019 at 7:41 AM
Urspo
Indeed.
December 9, 2019 at 8:46 PM
Bob Slatten
Sorry for the loss, but this line…
“Only in the f-cking States of America does one go bankrupt when you become sick. ”
… says it all.
How can we do this to one another or allow it to be done?
December 10, 2019 at 7:51 AM
Urspo
Alas Babylon it always gets down to the American belief we are wholly responsible for our fortunes. If someone is well off or destitute it is due to our own work or faults – never due to outside influences. As a consequence if you are sick/can’t afford things that is your own damn fault and I ain’t paying for it. In my opinion this is why we don’t want universal health care. We can’t abide the notion someone is ‘getting it for free while I work hard for mine’
December 10, 2019 at 9:01 PM
Ron
So sad.I remember David. Healthcare in this country continues to be a disgrace. Just today I was talking to my longtime friend (70 years, since third grade) who is in his third year of ALS. He is overwhelmed by the paperwork he has to fill out to continue to have home care. He asked “What do old people do who are unlike me and can’t fill out all this paperwork?” I am Bill’s caregiver, you wouldn’t believe the hoops I have to jump through to get approval for his healthcare even though he has healthcare through the VA. If I miss one step (which I did once), we’re stuck with a huge bill (thankfully that one bill wasn’t that big). If I wasn’t around Bill would not be able to handle any paperwork. He said he would kill himself. Unfortunately too many people in our country, in this “the richest country in the world” are faced with this dilemma. Even though I didn’t know David I am greatly saddened to hear that he had no choice but to end his life. It makes me angry too.
December 14, 2019 at 9:20 AM
Robzilla In CA
Medicare For All. I didn’t know David, but the circumstances that led to his suicide infuriate me. Only in America can you go bankrupt, or worse, not get needed medical treatment, due to finances.
December 18, 2019 at 3:15 PM
Madd Housewife
Thank you for posting. Tragic