If you think I’ve paused blogging because I am composing a profound and erudite entry you will be disappointed. The reason is I’ve been up to my oxters in work. The week between Christmas and New Year’s Eve is a hectic one. There are a lot of calls from frantic folks wanting something done prior to 1 January when their insurance changes. It happens every year.
Yesterday was all ‘med checks’ consisting of fifteen minute appointments, which in theory go smoothly along the line of ‘I am still good, the meds are good, I just have to check-in for your sake, and see you in another three months”. This did not happen. Many patients were quite emotional from loss, loneliness, and physical maladies for which there is no relief. I also got a lot of patients telling me they had covid19 since they last checked in. It feels like I’ve heard more cases in the past fortnight than in the past four months.
The ostinato to these cases is nearly all of the distraught had a sense of being trapped. They can not get out of that awful situation/marriage/relationship/financial/medical/legal situation. I try to get them to examine what is truly a trap vs. what is only feels like so. Alas, I have little success, not because people are stupid but due to human nature. Your brain wants your life to be predictable; your emotions want life to be stable. We are wired to want to feel safe; we avoid uncertainty and the unpredictable. It is scary to let go of the familiar, even when you know it is killing you, to go to – what?
For better or worse freedom and uncertainty are linked.
Sometimes I imagine I am looking at a caged person miserable therein and so wanting out. When I point out the proverbial cage isn’t locked, or the bars are breakable, this doe not evoke relief but panic. “Yes, but…” often follows. These are based on fears, often quite legitimate, of what happens next.
Yesterday ended as days sometimes do with me feeling I did little or nothing to help anybody. My patients don’t need pills but resources that I cannot provide. They also need courage – courage to act and to give up the need to know how things will turn out.
32 comments
December 30, 2020 at 7:34 AM
David Godfrey
What you put-out is very profound, a deep insight into human nature. My younger colleague emailed me last week to let me know that she has made the very brave move to change jobs, she will be missed, but I reassured her that she was doing what was best for her and her family, to have courage and rest assured she is doing the right thing.
December 30, 2020 at 7:39 AM
Urspo
I so admire people like her: despite the fears she opts to venture forth out of something bad to try for something else.
December 30, 2020 at 7:53 AM
Brian Dean Powers
“It is so scary to let go of the familiar, even when you know it is killing you, to go to – what?” This is the story of the Hebrews fleeing Egypt, with Pharaoh’s army on their tails. The water is parted for them, but they afraid of being drowned and think it might be safer just to go back to slavery instead. I don’t follow any religion, but I often recall that story when I wonder what to do next.
December 30, 2020 at 8:01 AM
Urspo
The story of the Exodus carries the archetype of The Journey. Leaving the familiar (often bad) to go somewhere unknown and frightned to do so. Often in this archetype is some sort of god/sage assuring the journeyman to trust this, keep going.
December 30, 2020 at 9:52 AM
Old Lurker
Sometimes I wish you were my shrink, but then I would not be allowed to leave sassy comments on your blog. I have felt stuck and trapped for a long time, but it intensified in 2017. I should probably go on courage pills.
December 30, 2020 at 9:58 AM
Urspo
Courage is action despite our fears. It’s never easy but with practice in small ways it becomes less difficult.
December 30, 2020 at 9:55 AM
Parnassus
I often see the situation you describe bound up with the perfectionism/fear of failure syndrome, The cage might not be locked, but if they don’t find the perfect world they expect outside, they would feel foolish if people saw them try for something and not succeed.
–Jim
December 30, 2020 at 9:58 AM
Urspo
well worded and said !
December 30, 2020 at 10:29 AM
Debra She Who Seeks
Whaddya mean this wasn’t a profound entry? The linkage between freedom and uncertainty is a profound subject indeed. One could write volumes on it!
December 30, 2020 at 10:30 AM
Urspo
This was one of those times when I start with nothing and out comes something not expected that forms into what is posted. Oh ye heavenly muses sometimes they do a nice job. 🙂
December 30, 2020 at 10:32 AM
Linda Practical Parsimony
Freedom’s just another word for nothing else to lose. Or so says Janis Joplin.
December 30, 2020 at 1:12 PM
Urspo
sounds reasonable!
December 30, 2020 at 11:38 AM
Sam
What a good doctor you must be-helping people see that even if they feel trapped, they can open the door, or break the barrier has to be the first step. I understand the feeling that the unknown can feel scarier than a shit place that is known.
December 30, 2020 at 1:13 PM
Urspo
thank you
the unknown is scary and many fear to tread into it. alas
December 30, 2020 at 12:11 PM
anne marie in philly
appropriate for your entry: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ySjxZDT_5SA
December 30, 2020 at 1:13 PM
Urspo
I shall go have a look-see after work thank you.
December 30, 2020 at 1:29 PM
Moving with Mitchell
Interestingly, that caged feeling was mine until I stopped working. Although I of course still have issues and emotions that sometimes make me feel overwhelmed, I haven’t had that caged feeling at all.
December 30, 2020 at 4:02 PM
Urspo
I have a joke I tell :
“Gee mister, you don’t need Prozac, you need a jobectomy!”
December 30, 2020 at 2:33 PM
Gigi Rambles
I would imagine that due to the virus and all the restrictions people are living under is greatly intensified now. Even I am struggling a bit these days because we just don’t KNOW – which is always the case but the virus makes every single decision fraught (do I dare go INTO the store?, etc.). I feel sure that you are of great comfort to your clients.
December 30, 2020 at 4:03 PM
Urspo
Epidemics bring to the forefront something that is always been there most folks don’t consciously face: life is uncertain. Thems already dealing with this an epidemic doesn’t faze them so much.
December 30, 2020 at 2:40 PM
edyjournal
Well, for what it’s worth, this post was helpful to me, along with the comments. In the past 3 weeks or so, I’ve been very aware of and working on my particular cage which I’ve had for years and years. It’s a chicken or the egg sort of situation.
December 30, 2020 at 4:03 PM
Urspo
I am glad it was helpful
Try not to worry too much over ‘which came first” and work on what needs to be done about it.
December 30, 2020 at 4:34 PM
Todd Gunther
A very profound entry. BTW you may want to get your oxters checked out. I had mine removed years ago. Don’t miss them one bit.
December 31, 2020 at 6:57 AM
Urspo
I like my oxters so much better than the usual things
December 30, 2020 at 7:23 PM
larrymuffin
You give us a good mirror of humanity and our troubles. But I wonder also about you and people in the medical field who are on the other side and what motivates them to seek to help and heal humanity. There is something that makes doctors tick which is different from all other humans.
December 31, 2020 at 6:58 AM
Urspo
Doctors have to channel a lot of Magician energy, and act that way (Roberston Davies says so). In the end they are no different or better than others.
December 31, 2020 at 9:12 AM
larrymuffin
Well then you are a good Magician, A Gandalf of this world.
December 30, 2020 at 10:40 PM
wcs
What makes the Hottentot so hot? What puts the ape in apricot? What have they got that I ain’t got?
Courage!
You can say that again…
December 31, 2020 at 6:58 AM
Urspo
Your poetry is lovely. Better than Yeats
December 31, 2020 at 7:16 AM
anne marie in philly
pop culture reference! I read that in bert lahr’s voice.
December 31, 2020 at 12:13 AM
Mary
“Your emotions want life to be stable.” This is true, and as we age we realize how unstable life is and that it takes “courage” to make what we can of it.
December 31, 2020 at 7:00 AM
Urspo
As we age we become more easily agitated by a deemed difference; it feels like a threat. It gets harder to take chances and we get more set ‘I’m too old!” is often said. Alas.