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I am rawther tired of talking about mosquitoes and chickens, so I will give you some brief updates before talking about the topic de jour: my mortality.

The next door neighbor came through the woods this afternoon, bearing leftovers for the chickens. I remember Brother #3 saying he sometimes gives eggs to the neighbors as a good will gesture. The neighbor went home with a dozen freshly-laid eggs. It is a win-win situation. Today there were only three new eggs. I suspect the chickens are scrounging, no doubt due to government handouts, dissuading them to return to work for chicken feed.

Today I went to Meijer Shifty Takers to buy Father a box of Depends. The diaper section was quite bereft for senior undergarments, yet full up with diapers for babies. Apparently far more oldsters wear Depends than do babies. As I continually tend Father, now blind and in his mid-80s, I wonder about my own aging process. He has the blessing of four sons to tend to him. I will not have this. For me it is probably better to drop dead suddenly from a heart attack or a stroke perhaps, than decline to a decrepit dependency on others. I am supposed to be a role model to proper living for the goal of a long life. The reward of virtuous living is … a long life. Is this worth it? In the end we all die. Is it better to go in my 60s than to linger into my 80s? We all hope for a long and prosperous life, autonomous and self-sufficienct. Alas, this so seldom is the case. We decline and become dependent on others to fix our meals and give us a shower and buy us our Depends.

I wonder if this gruesome meditation is influenced by where I live. Healthcare in the USA is not about health; it is a business, a business to make money/profit for the owners and stockholders. If you are sick and cannot pay for your needs, that’s just too darn bad. You better have money, or be sufficient – or have others to pay for things.

Spo-fans! Not to be worrying! I am not going to throw in the towel and go to pot. I will continue to save for the future, go to the gym, and try try try again to be mindful of my diet. Whether I go at 60 or at 80 it’s my choice to help others, make meaning, comfort others, and do my job.

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Spo-Reflections 2006-2018