The Board of Directors Here at Spo-reflections almost didn’t allow this one to be published, as they thought the humor suggestive if downright doggerel. I am obliged to write one of those gawd-awful reader advisories telling old people who are offended easily they should get out now. Spo

Oh the horror. I want a few things, and I wants them now.

Like Pandora’s Box in reverse, in the bottom of my box, underneath the demons of danshari is a tiny but truculent type who wants me to bring into the house shiny objects I really don’t need. One of the main rules for helping folks with their hoarding tendencies is to focus on not bringing in new things while you are trying to unload the old. This covetous creature has been quite active lately, dangling items in front of me, trying to get me to order items from Amazon. Oh the horror indeed. Let’s look at what I don’t need.

“The Dark Elf Series” – this series falls under the common category of NO MORE BOOKS, EVER! (doing my best Joan Crawford imitation, with a literacy twist to it). I am up to my oxters in books waiting to be read and I don’t need more. Tsundoku at its worst. I told Someone if I bring home any books he can burn them and throw me on the funeral pyre.

A Hnefatafl chess set – for sometime I have coveted getting this game. The Board of Directors Here at Spo-Reflections plays it often and they find it jolly good fun. I wouldn’t dream of playing with them, as the game sometimes leads to savagery and they are sore losers. Someone does not care much for games other than ‘Sorry!’ so an expensive H-set would probably end up on the game shelf with the other games never played. Oh, but I would like one though, a proper one, made from real Vikings, no rubbish.

Nadiya” cookbooks – This one is a double no-no, both as a book and as a cookbook. I hear Someone and I reenacting the iconic Flip Wilson’s “The devil made me buy this dress” sketch. “You bought another cookbook? Didn’t you just clear out some you weren’t using?” – that sort of process. In my defense, I would not get one on sweets or baking but one on authentic cuisine.

Derek Rose Boxer shorts – These are my favorite undergarments; they fit well and the high-quality stitching and fabric lasts much longer than less-quality types. However, my Midwestern upbringing balks at paying 50$ for a pair price tag. This one is arguably something I ‘need’, but not necessarily these types. I keep looking at the ads though, which tempt me to add 2-3 to the inbox.

I take a ‘M” for thems interested in surprise mail packages

Jethro Tull albums – In my iPhone are scores of albums I have never listened to. When friends dump their CDs I often get them and download them into my phone where they are forgotten. I have enough music to last me a lifetime. That said, one my bucket list is the goal to hear all the albums of Mr. Anderson. This one isn’t too expensive nor takes up space like books or games. Still, do I really need to buy more music if I won’t listen to them?

House boy – There is debate within La Casa de Spo how ‘useless’ would be a house boy. Someone argues one is useless on the grounds we can do everything ourselves. I say this is not the point; someone doing things (cleaning, ironing, and so forth) is worth all the used books and boxer shorts in the world. I would settle on someone coming in just to clean house once in a while would be lovely. I know folks who consider such service so necessary they forgo other expenses for this. A houseboy may save money in the end as I wouldn’t have to cook (saving on cookbook expenses) and perhaps I would not need books, board games, or boxers either. It’s worth a trial run.

Yes yes yes