As a boy I thought one accumulated friends but never lost any, like putting pennies in a piggybank. I think it was in college when I realized pals from my high school days had disappeared. Friendships were sealed in blood and I was now struggling to recall their names. The piggy-bank simile was replaced in time by an attic with limited space: if you put something new into storage, something has to go On goes through life turning over acquaintances.
I was looking into my iPhone the other day when I happened to find an old ‘favorites’ list of blogs I read years ago (circa. 2015), many whose titles I recognized right away. There were many I did not recall. I opened each one. Nearly all of them were ‘closed’ or ‘not available”. A few were still up on line but haven’t been written in over ten years. There were a few – a tiny few – ‘still alive and kicking’. I don’t know which made me the more sad: the blogger buddies I could not remember or the blogger-buddies I remembered but have disappeared. I figured there was no harm reaching out via email (if possible) but I pressed the wrong button and they all disappeared – gone as if they had never existed.
I started blogging in 2006; I’ve seen a lot of blogs come and go. The ones on my current roster** are a slim percentage of all I have ever read. Blogging resembles evolution: the vast majority of all species through time are now extinct. And there is I, like a horseshoe crab, plugging away.*
Before I managed to wipe out the cache of old defunct blog addresses, I recognized a few whose writers still keep in touch as it were via The Book of Faces. A few of them were FB pals for a while, but they have dropped out from that as well. Once upon a time these folks were important to me; now I struggle to remember who they were. I am working up the nerve to ask a few on Facebook to remind me how do we know each other? Did you have a blog once upon a time?
Over time I’ve learned no to fret so about these matters. The ones who stay in my life stay for a reason, and while it is sad to think of the ones whose whereabouts are unknown, they were good companions while it lasted.
Whenever I write a post like this one, it inspires me to track down a few ‘out of touchers” and send them a note to say I am thinking of them.
*Horseshoe crabs are estimated to be 450 million years old and are the same as they have always have been. Species come; species go. The horseshoe crab stays.
**Everyone one of them, a marvelous party.
67 comments
September 28, 2021 at 4:14 AM
Dwight W.
My reading habits have changed this year. I dropped a blog I had been reading for 15 years because , the blogger is obsessed with tennis. Men’s tennis particularly . His favorite tennis star , infected a large number of people having a tournament with no Covid precautions. Then turned around at another grand slam tourney and hit a ball girl in the neck with a ball hit in anger , because he had made a bad shot. The player was ejected from the tournament. To make a long story short , this blogger never would admit , that although his player is the best in the world , he is morally bankrupt. My rule with bloggers is it’s their blog and they are lord and master. And #2 I have to enjoy myself. This blog has taught me that I never want to blog, but I still love blogs. Also, how special it is to have attention from the blog owner on a daily basis. I have watched many come and go, and some are exceptional and some are not. But initially they were started to fulfill a need in the bloggers life not mine, if they do both ,mores the better, life is short.
September 28, 2021 at 7:18 AM
Urspo
One reason I like blogs is it expresses the needs of the writer. Some reflect genuine warmth and wit. I like these the best. I would pass on tennis.
September 28, 2021 at 4:45 AM
spwilcen
Not so much with blogs or facepages, but I lament faces I no longer see, voices I no longer hear. Some unfortunately passed, some of us just drifted apart. One instance where a difference of opinion resulted in my being declared unsuitable for the fact I was perceived a Republican, one of those responsible for the ills of the world. Perhaps. Miss the discussions but can’t change what in fact isn’t. Sad, ain’t it? Provoking read, sir.
September 28, 2021 at 7:19 AM
Urspo
Indeed I dd not mention many have died. I have a folder almost like a graveyard of bloggers now passed I like to visit and remember them.
September 28, 2021 at 4:48 AM
larrymuffin
Life is a voyage and we are on the ship of fate.
September 28, 2021 at 7:19 AM
Urspo
Like George Gray says we should do
September 28, 2021 at 4:55 AM
David Godfrey
Some make a graceful exit, giving reasons, some simply drop away, some become very sporadic, all kinda sad. I have only dropped a couple of people because they bugged me, but I have. I have made some wonderful friends through blogging, people I never would have met but for, and who have enriched our lives by knowing one another. There is lots of room in your attic for all of us.
September 28, 2021 at 7:20 AM
Urspo
I dislike the sudden cessation of a blog. Of course it is not their obligation to explain their stopping but it feels like I’ve been ghosted
September 28, 2021 at 5:15 AM
Debra She Who Seeks
Yes, the blogosphere is a constantly revolving door — people come and go, they stay for varying lengths of time, it’s a never-ending swirl of movement and change. It’s very much like the LGBTQ+ community that way. I’ve adjusted to the largely temporary nature of these friendships. Such is life.
September 28, 2021 at 7:21 AM
Urspo
Indeed it is a metaphor for life – with comments.
Do not dare to drop your blog; I will sent The Board after all.
September 28, 2021 at 5:43 AM
Hugh W. Roberts
Likewise, some of the very first bloggers I followed have disappeared over the seven years I’ve been blogging. It does make me wonder if they’re ok, but it’s not good news when all evidence of them ever existing have been wiped off the face of the internet. I sometimes wish we all lived in a village where we could check in on each other every day. Then again, we probably do, but it’s made more difficult when there are thousands of miles between us.
September 28, 2021 at 7:22 AM
Urspo
I love hearing from you; I am glad you are there.
I think there is a quote from a Charlie Brown movie about him wanting to gather up all his loved ones and they never leave you. I will go look for it.
September 28, 2021 at 7:48 AM
Hugh W. Roberts
Please do. That sounds like the building of a great quote. Have you ever met any other bloggers in person?
September 28, 2021 at 5:44 AM
Mistress Borghese
I too was just looking at a old blog list. It was my original blog list and the ones you got me started. Alas there are only about four of them still blogging. But through the those blogs i found more new blogs and friends. I suspect another wave is getting ready to disappear. Many to facebook or the insta. Sadly I just found out one of the orginal bloggers i read in my group….had passed away on Saturday. I believe he had the best music blog in the blogland where he even got an official award for such when blogger once sent out a voting tab so bloggers could vote for the best in many categories. The info he knew and the ones he interviewed was quite something.
September 28, 2021 at 7:24 AM
Urspo
Your tale is a common one. I thank you for sharing it.
I find it feels funny to find out the death of a blogger buddy, for it makes me feel sad to lose someone close yet realize I never met the person and who knows if the blog was a reflection of the person.
September 28, 2021 at 6:16 AM
Mary
Losing a blogbuddy is like losing a good friend or family. Being a senior, I have an affinity for senior bloggers. Sadly, they come and go like friends and family. Still, I’ve enjoyed the friendships and I’m thankful for the time my blogger buddies have given me. There’s loneliness for seniors and reading blogs and getting to know bloggers helps.
September 28, 2021 at 6:21 AM
Paul Brownsey
I don’t blog, but I can enter into what you mean: if the writer of the present blog announced he was shutting up shop, I’d feel it as a loss.
September 28, 2021 at 7:29 AM
Urspo
Not to be worrying! Writing is my passion. Unless The You Know Who finally follows-through with their threat to replace me I have a pretty safe gig. Besides I am the only one in Heorot Johnsons II who knows the passwords.
September 28, 2021 at 7:25 AM
Urspo
Well said; I concur !
September 28, 2021 at 6:20 AM
Paul Brownsey
“As a boy I thought one accumulated friends but never lost any, like putting pennies in a piggybank.”
I suppose one manifestation of such an outlook is something I am prone to, a reluctance to accept that a friendship is over. I find myself brooding about a guy who lives about four miles from me and with whom I was very close in the 1970s. (Close as friends, not otherwise; I was, he used to say, the only one of his friends he hadn’t slept with; and that was not because of his unwillingness.) Over the last decade we’ve become more and more distant. There’s been no row, no betrayal, no injuries; but our decreasingly frequent meetings have been more and more uncomfortable. I can grope after an explanation; no doubt he has one, too. It got to the point that, due to see him for a meal, I’d joke to my husband about being “off out for some discomfort food”. I could phone him up and propose a meeting but I’m sure we’d neither of us get anything from it. And I tell myself: “But it can’t be like this with someone who was a FRIEND.”
But it is.
September 28, 2021 at 7:27 AM
Urspo
Alas, it is. It emphasizes me to cherish thems I have now and work to keep them ‘close’. Like you. 🙂
September 28, 2021 at 6:37 AM
Bob Slatten
I just got word yesterday that a blogger by the name of Howard, who blogged mostly about music on Soundtrack of My Life, had passed away. He hadn’t blogged in a long while, but I remember his blog fondly.
It’s surprising how many blogs come and go, but others stay for quite a while.
September 28, 2021 at 7:30 AM
Urspo
I would love to read some studies about thems that blog, their demographics and reasons to write/stop etc.
I must read only a small fraction, and they are sort of similar: bright, well over four feet, and personal.
September 28, 2021 at 7:12 PM
Mistress Borghese
Yes Bob, I got word Saturday that Howard had passed. He and David Dust still talked all the time. We had gone to serval concerts many times.
September 28, 2021 at 6:41 AM
Todd Gunther
Since Anne Marie is gone I have paid more attention to her list of favorites. I didn’t used to make the time to read them, but I am doing it more often now, even commenting when I think of something to say. Above all I feel like I am keeping some sort of connection alive regardless of the circumstances.
September 28, 2021 at 7:31 AM
Urspo
Good for you!
I hope that continues.
September 28, 2021 at 7:15 AM
Moving with Mitchell
I’ve been blogging for nearly 11 years and have also thought about some of the bloggers I‘ve lost touch with (or have been lost).
September 28, 2021 at 7:31 AM
Urspo
Please keep them in your memory at least the ones who touched you.
September 28, 2021 at 7:46 AM
Debbie W.
My mantra for these types is things is: “The only constant in life is change”—Heraclitus. It helps me cope when people move in and out of my life. But it doesn’t make me any less sad. I do my best to focus on lessons learned, and look forward to what may be around the next corner.
September 28, 2021 at 8:11 AM
Urspo
“Sensible woman!” quoting the Lady Caroline.
This is a good approach to the ephemeral elements of life.
September 28, 2021 at 7:50 AM
Lori Hawkins
It’s sad to me to realize that people who were once so important in our lives just drift off for one reason or another or maybe no reason at all. As I get older and now live in a fairly small town it is difficult to make new friends.
September 28, 2021 at 8:14 AM
Urspo
Both are true
I read a lot of papers these days on the bad situation of folks not having friends and how one goes about making new ones given the challenges of covid19 etc. Turns out the hardest element is having the courage to say hello to strangers. We fear we will be rejected and the other person will be offended, when in fact nearly 100% of the time people enjoy being talked to.
I think I will write a blog entry on this: how to make friends.
September 28, 2021 at 8:47 AM
Debbie W.
I forgot to ask – if you run across the source and the specifics of that Charlie Brown quote you mentioned (about gathering loved ones, and so forth), would you please share it? Or maybe it can be worked into your future blog topic about making friends? Thanks!
September 28, 2021 at 8:55 AM
Urspo
I found it!
The actual quote is about 3 minutes into the song. I forgot about the song; the lyrics are spot-on
September 28, 2021 at 8:59 AM
Urspo
Drat! I will write it out, later.
September 28, 2021 at 9:12 AM
Debbie W.
I was able to watch the song, including the quote – thank you so much! Charlie Brown is so relatable, to both young and old.
September 28, 2021 at 9:00 AM
Parnassus
This year I have been blogging for 10 years. My Reader is clogged with defunct blogs, but I never delete them, because who knows if they may start again? Probably not a chance of that, but if they do look at their old blog, they would probably feel depressed to see that all their old readers have abandoned them, even if the reverse is true and more apposite.
–Jim
September 28, 2021 at 9:26 AM
Sam
I think I cannot find you blogs posts-last I see is from January, Jim. I hope you are well.
September 28, 2021 at 10:23 AM
Parnassus
Hi Sam, I had the perfect one to post on September 17, but I let the date slip by! Thanks for your good wishes. –Jim
September 28, 2021 at 7:41 PM
Urspo
I hope you will post soon; I enjoy reading your posts.
September 28, 2021 at 9:25 AM
Sam
I didn’t start blogging until 2014 and had very different visions. I ticked off one of the original bloggers I followed because I made a comment on someone else’s blog post, not naming the blog or blogger, but easily figured out, related to being cheap not frugal, and conspiracy theories (which I admit was a bit mean, and I am not a mean person). Now I am banned from ever visiting her blog again. I guess that sort of resembles the book of face as well. Someone makes a comment that irks someone, and we unfollow or block. Usually though, we just fade away from paying any attention to each others posts.
September 28, 2021 at 9:43 AM
Urspo
I remember only a few times that my attempts at humor irked a reader enough for them to write an angry comment. I don’t recall ever receiving a direct “I am not coming back’ or ” you are not welcome here”.
There must be many who stopped coming back out of disagreement or boredom; they just don’t tell me.
As a scientist I would love to know this, the feedback/data.
September 28, 2021 at 10:26 AM
jefferyrn
Old friends change. Situations change and we move on. They were right for that time in our lives. Blogging is “old school”. I can’t keep up. Tik Tok and Twitter make me crazy. You can waste so much time watching videos that make little sense other than amusement.
September 28, 2021 at 10:35 AM
Urspo
I am very glad you do what you can at your place. I enjoy seeing your posts when you can. I have to remind myself blogging is a hobby, not a 2nd job.
September 28, 2021 at 12:21 PM
Pat
While you wistfully remember the bloggers of yore, I am perusing the reports out of Newcastle University and remembering fondly my bell bottoms with the colorful hems. Apparently, if you can not fit into the same size bluejeans you wore at 21, you are at risk of developing Type 2 diabetes. Once the sun lowers in the sky I may ruminate on this further as
I drink a Newcastle Ale and remember a waist line that once rivaled Scarlett
O’Hara’s
September 28, 2021 at 1:07 PM
Urspo
Newcastle Ale! I remember that! I love the stuff; I cannot remember when I last had one. Please have one for my sake and think of me why dontcha
September 28, 2021 at 2:36 PM
Robzilla
I follow a handful of blogs, but I really can’t do much more or else I’ll spend way too much time reading them. When I was working, it was really hard to keep up with everyone. I’d feel bad if I missed nearly a full week’s worth of posts.
Then there are other blogs where I dropped off because of something they said or did. I didn’t raise a stink. I just stopped showing up. Things happen.
September 28, 2021 at 2:39 PM
Urspo
Lots of people (including myself) feel similar: so many blogs/so little time. Sometimes I feel I read them more out of guilt/obligation as they read mine and I want to reciprocate to read theirs – but for my time limitation. It is hard to keep up with them all. I too feel bad for missing things.
September 28, 2021 at 2:42 PM
mcpersonalspace54
Your blog is one of the first blogs that I began to read as I started my own blog. Some of your comments on my blog have offered me comfort and solace at a time when I needed to hear words like yours. Even though I haven’t been commenting a lot on your blog as of late (or for any others that I read) I am still an avid reader. I am still going through a rough patch dealing with the loss of Murphy, but each day gets a little better. What you wrote on my last post really helped. I just wanted you to know that.
September 28, 2021 at 7:43 PM
Urspo
I am not perturbed by lack of comments from my blogger buddies; it gives me comfort to know ‘you are there reading’. I am even more glad that my comments provide you some comfort.
September 28, 2021 at 3:15 PM
Gigi Rambles
Ah, those missing bloggers…I can name off the top of my head several that have disappeared, much to my dismay.
I was trying to think today just how I found my way here. I’ve got nothing. But I’m glad I did.
September 28, 2021 at 7:43 PM
Urspo
I am glad you fell down the rabbit hole, or went through the wardrobe in the spare room, or Google search – however you got here – for I am glad that you do.
September 28, 2021 at 3:53 PM
Sassybear
Bloggers have become my sole social circle these days. Of the ones I have disconnected from, through choice or by circumstance, there are some I miss greatly, some not so much. As a community, we are prone to the same foibles, follies, friendships, and fallouts as other communities. It’s not always easy to say good-bye, but sometimes it’s necessary. I hope to stick around a bit longer, and step out of the shadows more often, fates allow.
September 28, 2021 at 7:46 PM
Urspo
you will bury us all; I certainly look forward to you burying me. hohoho
Recently a patient asked me “do I have a family” which was indirect speech she wanted to know if I had a wife and children. I wanted to say I have many families, including a set of blogger buddies that count as a family.
Hey, this is a good blog idea! thank you Sassybear for the inspiration.
September 29, 2021 at 1:09 PM
Sassybear
Your pleasure is my pleasure 🙂
September 28, 2021 at 3:58 PM
janiejunebug
I started blogging in 2009 and have seen many people come and go. A couple left and returned. I became close friends with some people I met through blogging. Two of those friendships died. Others continue. One of them doesn’t blog anymore, yet we stay in touch. The hardest part of blog relationships has been the deaths.
Love,
Janie
September 28, 2021 at 7:47 PM
Urspo
where there is death there is beginnings.
When a blogger buddy dies I am indeed said, but somehow this seems to open up for the arrival of new ones – like yourself !
I am glad to know this. and you.
September 29, 2021 at 5:27 PM
janiejunebug
You are very kind.
September 28, 2021 at 4:27 PM
Blobby
I’m alive……….and twitching. barely.
September 28, 2021 at 7:47 PM
Urspo
I am very grateful for both
September 28, 2021 at 4:37 PM
glen
I read your blog and enjoy it daily. I wish I commented more, but it isn’t something I do. I really love to read what you have to share and what you are up to. I am grateful for this way to meet a friend, long distance, and share a social connection. Thanks
September 28, 2021 at 7:48 PM
Urspo
I am very glad you are are there, reading and enjoying these scribbles.
Comment when you can, it is not an obligation or requirement for being here.
September 28, 2021 at 5:41 PM
Steven
This last week I have been clearing out the basement of “stuff” in anticipation of the big move next year and came across high school yearbooks from a time when there was no such thing as Facebook, blogs or the internet. And to this day, it seems many of those who I knew from those days still prefer voice communication and staying physically connected. Not that blogging is bad. My days of blogging in the early 2000’s helped me through some rough times. And I will be forever grateful for those who I got to know as an On Q moderator on AOL and actually had the pleasure to meet. Many of my fellow moderators I still am in touch with.
September 28, 2021 at 7:48 PM
Urspo
you are lucky fellow to keep in touch with those types; card them like the apple of your eye.
September 28, 2021 at 10:19 PM
Frogdancer Jones
I started blogging the year after you. My friend Scott put me onto you. (His blog no longer exists…)
September 29, 2021 at 6:35 AM
Urspo
I had forgotten that. I don’t remember when I first stumbled upon yours.
I am very glad to have you as my blogger-buddy.
December 22, 2021 at 8:06 PM
Ron
We both started blogging about the same tine. I found your blog through The Cajun’s blog. That was serendipity because I urged Wayne to start blogging as a form of therapy after Yetter ending of his long term relationship with his husband Tom. I noticed your handsome bearded face and I was, of course, intrigued. After ambling over to your blog I was pleasantly surprised to discover what a treasure you are. Over tge years my reading of your blog and my blogging has surged and waned but we’re both still here, blogging, and if that I am profoundly glad. May we both have many more years of our personal therapy which is called blogging.