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The Board of Directors Here at Spo-reflections occasionally sends me lists to read and quizzes to take; they know I like them. They don’t always disclose where they get them, or ‘why this one’.* They recently sent one titled:

‘Highly confident people avoid these 14 behaviors.’

I wonder if this is an indirect speech act on their parts. Perhaps they are prodding me to do better, to be more highly confident. Whatever their reasons, I thought it would be fun to go through it with you and see how well I do. Let’s have some fun, shall we?  

1 – They don’t seek attention.  I have ADD (attention deficit disorder), not CDD (center of attention deficit disorder), so this one’s a cinch.  

Yes

2 – They refuse to make excuses.  I suppose I got this one down too. When at fault or something goes wrong I like to list the factors that contributed to the mess, but these are to explain out loud to help point me to the right direction what to do about a bungle. 

Yes

3 – They aren’t defensive. I’ve learned when somebody (usually a patient with a personality disorder) elicits in me the emotion to go on the defensive, I try to recognize it right away, pause, and not go there. 

Yes

4 – They don’t avoid conflict. This one is a bit of a bust. I avoid conflict. I have to be mindful of this one and try not to do so. Conflict can be productive and educational. Easy choices = hard life; Hard choices = easy life. Conflict done properly shows both parties are bigger than the issue at hand.  We are complex solid people, more than the issue at hand.

No

5 – They don’t hide behind indecision. Agreed. I stand next to it. 

Yes

6 – They’re not downtrodden by feedback. Negative feedback still stings me, it cannot be denied. Even when I no the negative feedback, it bugs me – perhaps more when it is bogus. I am no longer downtrodden by it, so it has improved. 

No

7 – They don’t feel they’re in competition with others. I realized at an early age whenever I competed with anyone on anything I lost so I learned quickly not to bother. The paradox of this defeatist-neurosis is now I seldom feel envy, jealousy, or discontent. 

Yes 

8 – They’re no afraid to take a stand.  I would say so. I point out I am even willing to move my stand if someone shows me intelligently I am wrong.**

Yes

9 – They don’t shy from failure and setbacks. Thanks to stoicism I see all sucky setbacks as coming with a lesson and potential growth. I also expect failures and setbacks rather than retain a silly hope there won’t be any.  ‘The Obstacle is the way.’

Yes

10 – They don’t pummel themselves with negative self-talk. Whenever I hear my inner-negative self-talk complex trying to pummel me, I recognize it is and I tell it it’s not the boss of me, and imagine putting a pie in its puss.

Yes, with whipped cream

11- They don’t spread negative energy. I try not do so, but sometimes I do, especially after I eat radishes.

Mixed

12 -They don’t only talk only about themselves. I am worse. I talk about ‘fun facts’ and trivia, which bores the pants off others.

Technically Yes

13- They don’t do the easy thing by doing everything. This one I don’t understand. Have you ever tried doing everything? It isn’t easy at all. I am often doing everything; it is rawther exhausting.

No

14 – They don’t require permission to act.  True, unless the play is not yet in the public domain. 

And yes I said yes I will Yes

So the score is ~ 11 out of 14, provided I avoid eating radishes. I continue working on allowing conflict and not shrinking from criticism.  I shall strive to do only some things and make them good and not all things as ‘so-so’.  

Play along if you fancy doing so. 

When I looked for a photo of a ‘highly confident man’ this fellow came up. I bet he eats no radishes.

*Cosmopolitan magazine, probably. 

**Fat chance of that these days.

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