Picture it: Someone and I walk in the door at Einstein Brothers on Saturday morning. The sales people look at us coming in and start putting together his breakfast sandwich consisting of sliced ham on an asiago bagel, no cheese. They wait for me to approach the counter as I always order something different than what I had last time. This is illustrative of our approach to things: Someone is quite regular in his ways and I look for novelty. “What do you have that is new and adventuresome?” I like to say to the bartender or waiter. When we go out anywhere, I know what he will order, often doing so for him while he is parking the car or in the loo. So which way is better? He scores 100% on being satisfied. I often get bombs and disappointments.
I’m sure it isn’t a shock to know as we age we become less likely to try unfamiliar things. When young, we see everything as a curiosity, something to experience. This boldness starts to drop off by our 30s. I hear tell if people haven’t had sushi by 35 years old, chances are slim they will ever try it. There is an evolutionary element to this: we need to find out early what is good/not good for us and stick with the familiar, to live long enough to have offspring. Now we are living longer way past our 30s, and the choices are now almost limitless as to what we can drink, eat, hear, see, and experience. Becoming set in our ways in our 30s means for sixty more years we aren’t going to be open to new things. Father, now in his 80s, has scores of CDs; now he listens to maybe twelve at most, over and over. On the other hand, Brother #3 finds it easy to cook for him, as he wants the same meals.
Thems who are regular in their ways and thems who seek novelty are like introverts vs. extroverts: both find each other’s mode of operation odd if not appalling. Poor Someone. Here’s another area if he had asked a few logical questions when we met he wouldn’t be saddled with somebody who is always looking for new and adventuresome recipes rather than a routine like Monday hot dish and Tuesday taco day, that sort of thing.
The downside to my approach is there is an element of discontent to seeking novelty. This pursuit can be endless and often comes with disappointment. On the positive, I’ve tried many things and I hope to experience as many as possible. My inner-Auntie-Mame is pleased. There is a part of me that doesn’t want to end up like Father eating grilled cheese sandwiches and soup every day for lunch. On the other hand, he’s content, and often I am not – so who’s the wiser?
The Christmas season is approaching. This time of year is always a challenge: does one go for tradition or novelty? I say if you can’t have tradition, have an adventure. What we will do this year at Christmas is yet to be determined.
Part of my Journey (and psychology) is constant striving towards individualism and growth. Will I be up to it in what time I have left? Next year I hope to spend my sixtieth birthday with chums who live in an island known for their seafood, particularly oysters. I’ve never had an oyster, fearing the hazards of raw foodstuffs. For that momentous occasion I’m planning on ordering just that. This may disappointing or a disagreeable, and if vibrio is present could mean a trip to the P.E.I. hospital for a birthday prize curtesy of Canadian national health care. At some point one one has to step out of one’s comfort zone and taking risks. I hope I don’t ever stop doing so.
Are you staunch in your ways? Are you one to try ‘today’s special?” Do tell in the comments.
54 comments
November 29, 2021 at 3:51 AM
Parnassus
I think your mental math may be a little off, regarding the happiness of the easily contented. Perhaps unadventuresome people always score a 35-40 out of 100 on the contentment scale. Those who seek the new, on the other hand, may occasionally get a 0-10, but on the other hand quite often a 90-100, so their average over time might be much higher, even with the occasional dismal failure.
–Jim
November 29, 2021 at 7:05 AM
Urspo
It is a simplification on a complex matter that changes in time with courage and fate.
November 29, 2021 at 4:31 AM
Sassybear
I’m somewhere in-between. I like a mix of tried and true vs untried and new. My health and gluten allergy limit me to a certain degree, when it comes to food and activities, but I still like to explore the novelty when and where I can. I see assets to both approaches!
November 29, 2021 at 7:05 AM
Urspo
Good for you! that’s the way to do it!
November 29, 2021 at 4:50 AM
DwightW.
“Life is a Banquet and Most poor suckers are starving to death”. Sushi before 35 and never had an oyster. I will tell you before you go on the trip. Don’t eat them raw. Oysters Rockefeller Oyster Stew and Oyster Dressing do just fine. I wouldn’t slide those morsels down my throat for money. As far as being adventurous, we don’t eat out a lot . Don’t know your and Someone’s age differences so there is that. They do call it a comfort level for a reason. Even if it’s the same foods on repeat doesn’t mean their kitchen safety is the same. I find the thought of a life of sameness boring, but I also
Find it comforting to know what an experience will be similar to before I do it.
I do have a bucket list and I do have an adventurous streak compared to the other person who lives in my house. No experimenting for her. I hope to never lose my sense of curiosity. Life should be like your men , spicy and satisfying!
November 29, 2021 at 7:07 AM
Urspo
One of the reasons why diets (keto, paleo, low-carb) don’t work in the end is people get bored eating the same old thing. We are designed to eat a variety or things – yet want a familiar variety.
November 29, 2021 at 5:01 AM
Todd Gunther
Keep exploring and experimenting. There is a risk to the adventure, but that’s why they call it an adventure.
November 29, 2021 at 7:07 AM
Urspo
Indeed so. I hope we never stop exploring.
November 29, 2021 at 5:33 AM
Lori Hawkins
While there is something to be said for certain feelings of familiarity, I do like to experience different things. I keep our menu changing as I do not like to eat the same things week after week. I enjoy learning new things and having new experiences. I too hope to stay curious for many years to come.
November 29, 2021 at 7:08 AM
Urspo
Good for you! I like new and adventuresome meals, sprinkled among the familiar ones.
November 29, 2021 at 5:42 AM
Debra She Who Seeks
Didn’t TS Eliot say it best?
I grow old … I grow old …
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.
Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach?
I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach.
Speaking of the beach, delighted to hear of your PEI plans — so exciting! I know “those two” will pressure you to retire to the Island as well. You could be a Reverse Snowbird!
November 29, 2021 at 7:08 AM
Urspo
The birthday trip is provisional, provided we can get there. Let’s see what 2022 brings.
November 29, 2021 at 6:12 AM
David Godfrey
Yes, go for the raw oyster from a trusted source. Colder water one’s I think have more flavor.
November 29, 2021 at 7:09 AM
Urspo
Apparently there are different types of oysters and they have different flavors. This makes sense to me but as a dilettante they all look the same.
November 29, 2021 at 6:18 AM
Sam
A good Monday post to ponder. I like things how I like them, but I want to find new things to like. Does that make sense?
November 29, 2021 at 7:10 AM
Urspo
Curiously my work week is very regular. I know what I will be doing every day. The structure is the same week after week. Only the individual appointments vary in their contents.
November 29, 2021 at 6:34 AM
Robzilla, Native Of Slam Diego
It ebbs and flows for me. Once in awhile, I’ll want something adventurous.
November 29, 2021 at 7:10 AM
Urspo
Good luck this week on your new adventure !
November 29, 2021 at 7:13 AM
jefferyrn
I like adventure. But there is comfort in routine. Depends on my mood and the environment, surroundings, and people in the situation.
November 29, 2021 at 7:31 AM
Urspo
You some it sum well. There is a “Took” in all our “Baggins” demeanor.
November 29, 2021 at 8:18 AM
Anne
You’re really patting yourself on the back because you like to try lots of different foods while assuming those of us who aren’t interested are living a life of quiet desperation. Not true. I love eating MOSTLY the same things. I don’t have a contentment level of 35 out of 100. I pretty much have a contentment level of 100 out of 100 when it comes to food.
The same with music and book genres. I don’t need to sample rap or romance novels. They are not my thing. I know I prefer classical music and biographies. I assume your dad has found what he loves best.
Maybe those of us who eat mostly the same things at particular restaurants have found ourselves.
November 29, 2021 at 9:14 AM
Urspo
Indeed so!
More important than what you do (same or novelty) is are you content.
Someone is like you quite content to do/eat the same things – good for you!
I am more content (but not always!) to try new things.
November 29, 2021 at 8:20 AM
Tony D
The familiar makes us feel safe, the novelty makes us feel alive! We need to feel both at times, I suppose, at least I do. But the ratio of safe/alive has changed with age, with safety being more important to me these days. Nevertheless, I spent the weekend at a kink conference checking out all kinds of “new” things. Back home, I may incorporate one or two into the shenanigans with the boyfriend, but I will mostly stick with the familiar, as we both give that high ratings.
Regarding Christmas, give me tradition, tradition, tradition. Though I have been known to mix up my cookie and eggnog recipes. Sometimes you can take new risks within the familiar.
November 29, 2021 at 9:15 AM
Urspo
Mixing up the recipes sounds more shocking to me than the conference. hohoho
November 29, 2021 at 8:23 AM
Mary
Adventure, at my age involves a new dish, but with a bit of caution. There was that time in Mexico… Well you know what I mean. There’s been many times since when I’ve thrown caution to the wind and suffered for it. Anthony Bourdain commented on the antibiotics he and the crew needed after some of their eating adventures. Raw oysters? I tried them, it was the night of the first moon landing, I felt that critter slide down my throat. That was the last time. I enjoy your blog and comments. Keep your sense of adventure and wonder it’s important as we travel through life.
November 29, 2021 at 9:16 AM
Urspo
Yes, one of the risks of adventure is hazardous outcomes. Let us hope these are not so frequent or consequential as to thwart further adventures and new journeys.
November 29, 2021 at 9:29 AM
Pat
Glad the world is still your oyster. When it was assumed that I would one day procreate, and to assure that I would live to do so, I was taught only to eat oysters in months with “r” in them. So like the actual Queen you may want to have your real birthday and then a delayed official celebration.
Science has moved on since the 1950s, so maybe this September to April custom has gone the way of sock garters, virgin brides and handwritten thank you notes. As to experimenting, I’ve tried every new iteration of
Kit Kat bars and the original is still my favorite.
November 29, 2021 at 10:04 AM
Urspo
That’s a good point: maybe oysters are not available in July. Thems who live in PEI will know.
Have you eve heard of the ‘anchoring effect”? What we do/see/taste first becomes the anchor/reference to all further variations. These usually do not hold up to comparison to the first thing we experienced.
November 29, 2021 at 1:10 PM
Pat
As for anchoring, I became unmoored after tasting my friend’s authentic Italian grandmother’s spaghetti at age 6. My mother’s Spaghetti O’s, while heated with love, suffered in comparison.
November 29, 2021 at 9:56 AM
Old Lurker
It is good that Spos are like mockingbirds and mate for life, because the number of logical questions prospective suitors should ask is growing to the size of a phone book.
Sadly, I considered your implied question seriously this time. I prefer having some variety within my routine. For example, I prefer to read the same bloggers, but I gravitate towards ones who post on a variety of topics. I mostly eat the same foods with some flavor variation throughout the year. I take my weekly exercise but sometimes take new routes.
November 29, 2021 at 10:06 AM
Urspo
Yes, Spos tend to mate for life, like pigeons or Catholics.
It sounds like your routine is a good combination of variety and discipline.
November 29, 2021 at 11:59 AM
Debbie W.
What an interesting topic. This reminds me very much of your “Frog and Toad” theory with regards to relationships. And maybe it’s good when there are differences in the way each of us approaches life. It keeps things from becoming dull. I would eat the same thing every day, if my spouse didn’t occasionally nudge me out of my comfort zone. While raw oysters will never be on my menu, I wish you well in celebrating your special birthday with a raw oyster or two!
November 29, 2021 at 12:15 PM
Urspo
It seems in every relationship there is always one more likely to stick with the tried and true while the other wants more atypical fare. It is hoped this match up is a nice balance rather than a source of contestation.
November 29, 2021 at 1:23 PM
larrymuffin
Well no need to hope to spend time in PEI, you are locked in for your Bday! As for Oysters in PEI, we do have a large variety and you eat them straight out of the water, cold with a pinch of lemon juice or horseradish. So they are super fresh. If in the unlikely event you fall sick, yes you will end up in the Hospital in Emerg, for a wait of 9 hours to see the doctor. NO Canada’s health system will not pay for your care. So the best solution is to drink Moonshine to clean your inside. As for eating whatever and no repetition, good for you, I hope you will never be happy with a nice oatmeal muffin and some tapioca every day or some fish stick and a small green salad. Variety is the spice of life. If Someone did not ask a lot of question when he met you, it’s because he was smitten like Ahab meeting Jezebel.
November 29, 2021 at 1:39 PM
Urspo
hohoho
You are better than Fodors -are they still in business?
I want to stay away from any doctors, Canadian types or otherwise; all docs is quacks.
What sort of Canadian Moonshine? I only know the ones here in the States.
November 29, 2021 at 1:45 PM
larrymuffin
PEI Moonshine made by Beamish. Yes Fodor’s is still around in a jazzy format on the internet.
November 29, 2021 at 1:45 PM
Will Jay
Recommend listening to Christine Lavin’s Good Thing He Can’t Read My Mind on the Tube of Yous (Washington DC’s Gay Mens Chorus has a concert version of the original version-before she rewrote it).
November 29, 2021 at 2:08 PM
Urspo
Thank you; I will have a look-see this evening after work.
November 29, 2021 at 4:04 PM
Gigi Rambles
You will not be shocked to learn, I am not one to seek out the novelty in food. Oh sure, I’ll try something new from The Husband’s plate but order it? No. If I’m going out to eat (which…at this point in time, I think will never happen again. Yes, I’m being dramatic…kind of) I want to enjoy my meal, so I will order something I know I like.
November 29, 2021 at 6:40 PM
Urspo
There is value in sticking to what you know and what you like, especially when it correlates with feeling content. Good for you !
November 29, 2021 at 5:07 PM
Blobby
I fall somewhere between Someone and yourself. Now and then I go outside my norm and order, eat, drink, wear something non-Blobby. Now and again, it bombs and that’s alright. I mean, how would I know if I didn’t try? As for holiday traditions? I suppose we have them, but with parents gone we are free to stray from those now – we just haven’t. It’s not nostalgia that keeps us, it’s just routine.
November 29, 2021 at 6:41 PM
Urspo
You raise a good point. Often we don’t stay with the usual because we fear change/novelty, we do so out of habit. If it is a good habit, no harm why not?
November 29, 2021 at 5:37 PM
Catrina
I’ve never had sushi or raw oysters, but I can vouch for fried oysters. I tend to try new things, while I can tell you what hubby will eat at every restaurant we go to. The man ordered steak at Red Lobster when we were dating! I almost broke it off, but now, 35 years later, I’m (mostly) happy I didn’t.
November 29, 2021 at 6:50 PM
Urspo
I apologize; your comment ended up in the SPAM folder.
I didn’t know Red Lobster even had steak. What a bold move on his part! It’s admirable.
November 29, 2021 at 7:43 PM
Ron
I am set in my ways. Ocassiobally I venture into new territory but am almost always disappointed so I revert back to the tried and true, what gives me comfort. At eighty years old I’m not looking for more drama in my life but rather comfort and pleasure to ease off into the sunset of my life.
November 29, 2021 at 9:03 PM
Urspo
I hope at 80 you are content after a lifetime of things new and adventuresome
November 29, 2021 at 9:42 PM
Jenn
I am not all that adventuresome. I avoid things that might hurt or things that might make me look foolish attempting them. However… one of my big food adventures was actually what you were writing about. We visited P.E.I. when the kids were younger and I had my first (and last) raw oyster sitting in a neat little restaurant close to Malpeque Bay. Husband and daughter both love them. Nobody became ill because that area is known for its oysters and they know what they’re doing. I hope you get to enjoy P.E.I. It’s one of my favourite places on Earth! -Jenn
November 30, 2021 at 7:20 AM
Urspo
Interesting: I am working on a tongue-in-cheek entry about ‘moving to Canada, which province?” In my research, PEI is listed low given its high price living and relatively lack to do.
November 29, 2021 at 10:41 PM
Richard Portman
When did we have to live by a “contentment scale”? Who started that?
I am often discontent.
But that is because i am an old man and it comes with the territory.
I like new things.
I like my old ways, too.
Back in the day, we were not concerned about contentment scales. We were mostly just worried about food and getting drafted into a war.
We were reading Rachel Carson “Silent Spring “.
That book talked to us.
And then, because i was a gay little boy back in the 70’s, i was listening to that conversation too.
And now i am supposed to take a test about where i fit on a contentment scale? No thank you, please. I am discontent.
November 30, 2021 at 7:21 AM
Urspo
Is is now your winter ?
November 29, 2021 at 11:17 PM
wcs
I’m kind of in reverse when it comes to raw oysters. I love them, and used to seek them out when I lived in SF. K and I actually flew up to Seattle for a weekend just to eat oysters. Now, decades later, I’m wary of them, even here in France where they are prized and farmed quite professionally. Ken’s gotten sick a few times over the decades and, although I haven’t, that’s one experience I don’t need in my sixties and beyond. So, it’s only cooked oysters from now on. But I’m glad I tried and enjoyed the raw ones when I did.
November 30, 2021 at 7:22 AM
Urspo
Yikes! This is precisely why I’ve avoid them and all other raw things. There is sufficient risk to become sick. All the same, I plan to have some next July, lord willing.
November 30, 2021 at 12:10 AM
Linda Practical Parsimony
In 1980, I won a trivia contest on the radio and won an album and the right to ride a mechanical bull at a family event in the park. It almost killed me and left me with a right hand that does not work as it should. But, the broken nose and injured hand were worth every minute of pain. That said, I am not a risk taker. Nobody told me it would hurt so badly. Do you know how bad it hurts to be thrown and a saddle horn rips through your legs? I am not adventurous when it comes to food. When Tommy and I go out to eat, he knows what I want and he ponders what to eat. Yet, I eat more foods than he does. I eat chicken at seafood places and steak places. I like chicken and am not allergic to chicken! I really think I have a balance of the same and the different when it comes to my choices.
November 30, 2021 at 7:24 AM
Urspo
You are a braver soul than I to get on one of those infernal contraptions.
Falling down and hurting myself is now one of my fears; welcome to age!