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Note: The Board of Directors Here at Spo-reflections loathes reruns. Disguising them as ‘classics” or ‘encores’ does no good. However, they are away today for a long weekend to The Time of Legends visiting their relations so I’m gambling they won’t notice this tiny leaf I’m slipping into the pile. Yesterday I wrote about The Story Teller archetype, which prompted me to look back into the archives for one to repost. So here it is. It is a bit of nonsense but I like it. I hope you do too. Spo.

The Lord-Great-Jaguar-Paw ruled a kingdom so old and ancient the homes and palaces were heated with rocks still cooling down from the Archaean. Lord-Great-Jaguar-Paw was the king’s official title as his preferred name “Most butch” was deemed too silly.

Lord-Great-Jaguar-Paw (known to his mother as Kitten) lorded over a very large province and a large family. His children were a source of great joy – and a puzzlement – for surely, he had ED. Yet every year Queen Sheila-Badger-Breath put out another child.  “Goodness knows where she gets them!” he would exclaim.

Some of his children were a worry. His oldest was a charming boy who liked nothing better than to make paper airplanes and race cars out of pinewood. Since neither of these means of transport would be invented for  ~ 3000 years  no one understood what the hell they were for.

The second son was a merry lad who liked nothing more than to arrange flowers and design next year’s robes for the high priests. He also choreographed the slaves who danced at the state banquets. “He will make some woman a good husband!”  LGJP would say to with satisfaction.

The third son had the unfortunate name of Evelyn. Apparently no one looked closely when he was born, and by the time of his baptism it was too late.

In a month that had two Mondays in the same week, Evelyn fell sick. He was speaking nonstop ‘in tongues’. At first it was assumed he had been blessed by the gods; people came from afar to hear his words. But soon it became apparent Evelyn was as crazy as a shi-t house rat.

LGJP called for Spo-Hugger-and-Kisser-of-Bears, M.D. to practice his craft. Dr. SHKB realized if he was discovered for the great physician he is he would never be released from service. Besides, he had theatre tickets that evening. At first he denied who he was. But with threats to cut off his tea supply, he changed his mind. He performed his shaman dance and sang prayers. He injected Thorazine. Lo! Evelyn was better and FSHKB’s worse fears were realized: he was appointed court shrink to LGJP.

He became famous for his healing. A little blue diamond-shaped pill from the far off kingdom of Pfizer cured LGJP of his personal problem, much to the chagrin of his wife.

He also cured the queen of her depression. He chose not to use the old Sumerian prescription of smashed pearls, cobra venom and mare’s blood (a remedy that killed as swift as a knife to the throat ). Rather, he administered a little green and white pill, 20mg, taken with food. Her relief was great but alas, she was no longer interested in sex, let alone with LGJP.

So Lord-Great etc. took onto himself a new wife and soon there were another troop of kiddies banging up the palace furniture.

To everyone’s surprise, Sheila did not hate the new queen.

The moral of this legend?  People are incalculable.

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May 2022

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