Last week I came home to discover sitting on my doorstep a large cardboard box. My first response was Hello Fresh or Blue Apron sent us another meal kit by mistake. Upon inspection this was not so. Perhaps Someone had ordered me a birthday prize but that’s two weeks away. However, the address was addressed to “Spo”, something Someone has never called me. Patience above! It was quite heavy! I felt like Milo getting a package to take him to ‘The Lands Beyond’. I opened it, but it wasn’t a phantom tollbooth. This is what it was:

Lord love us! A king-sized-titanic-unsinkable-Molly-Brown Kitchen-aid mixer! Complete with a cookbook! My soul swoons. This is better than all the tollbooths in all the worlds. A Spo-fan who is well over four feet and several stages above and beyond dear sent it to me.*** An excerpt from what he writes:

Dear Spo,

The Muses keep reminding me how much you’ve been kneading the enclosed surprise….so finally, you have no excuse for not presenting the most luscious buns in Phoenix! …….. The large ‘instruction guide’ by Bernard Clayton was selected for its encyclopedic scope that should keep you, Someone, The Board of Directors and all the Tewksbury rats satisfied in future journeys through the fascinating world of breads….. ”

I have long wanted one of these, but every time we think of getting one, some unexpected financial matter arises and becomes precedent.* So it never happened. Now, thanks to the benevolence of this Spo-fan the world of baking opens up to me.

First I called SIL #3 to get instruction what are the use of the three attachments. I am pleased as Punch to know the white hook is for making bread dough which is my main wish.** I figured I better start with something more simple, like cookies. I have no lack of recipes to try, so I got out one and gave it a go. I was trembling with joy to have all ready, and flip the switch and – nothing. I feared it was broken, but it turns out I hadn’t plugged it in.

As a mixer of ingredients The Kitchen-aid surpasses Someone by a country mile but it is not a threat in the kitchen. Au contraire, he’s delighted with it as I am. Over the weekend I made ‘wife cookies’ (recipe upon request). Alas, Babylon! They did not turn out well. They were kind of gooey puddles with browned edges. As there were so many variables it is hard to pinpoint down what went wrong, but I am pretty sure it wasn’t the Kitchen-Aid. Oh well, as Ernest Hemingway famously wrote:

“All first drafts are sh-t”

The Medical Assistant tells me I can bring all my baking experiments to work as while they look queer they were tasty.

This weekend I plan on making a loaf of bread with it. Chances are it won’t turn out well either, but I need practice.

I am as happy as a clam at high tide.

Thank you dear man who sent it to me. I will think of you every time I use it.


*This week alone: $1200: car repairs; $1200 dentistry; $500 medical license renewal (Stirges); $500 plane ticket to see Father in August. Oh the pain.

**It also serves for playing pirates AKA Captain Hook.

***He gave me permission to write about this but it was not clear if he wished to remain anonymous.